I've been doing some thinking...
... and I'm probably going to go on a little hiatus for a bit. I'll still be around commenting on BSG, but that's probably about it. It's pretty clear to me that there aren't many places where my opinions are welcome/downright ridiculed and I don't like arguing with my friends. Because you're all my friends. I love you guys, my old friends and my new friends.
I've always felt that there's something distinctively wrong with me, because I'm usually on the sidelines, not by my own choice. I'd like to jump right in there, make friends and do stuff with my friends, both online and offline. But it seems like no matter which way I try to reach out, it's the wrong way.
I've been thinking about my behavior as of late and wondering, "Why am I so determined to rain on everyone's parades?" Because it's me. I know it's me and I can't seem to stop myself from offering my unsolicited opinion. Maybe I have some sort of personality disorder, maybe I'm more narrow than I ever dreamed, but I've found myself more and more often wondering why certain stuff bothers me so much. Why does my blood boil when I see an Obama pin IRL or an Obama icon in someone else's journal? I know that part of it is because of where I've come from and the sort of people I interact with everyday and the fact that if I boldly wore a Hillary Clinton shirt or sticker or pin, I'd be lucky to get out alive or just told to get over it because she lost.
But it's more than that. I want to be friends. I want to know what's going on in your guys' lives. I want to have fun with you guys. But maybe you guys see what almost everyone in my life has also seen, whatever defect it is I have in me that makes me unlikable. I don't want to be unlikeable, because I know that's not me.
So I guess I just want to know. What's wrong with me? What's your first thought when you think of me, if you think of me at all? Why am I so easy to leave out or just flat out ignore? It hurts when people simply ignore you. It hurts like a mother-fucker, only you tell yourself that's the way it's always been, so why does it still hurt? But it does.
It hurts when you want to jump in and have some fun with people and they could care less about having fun with you.
So, please, just tell me what I'm doing wrong.
I've always felt that there's something distinctively wrong with me, because I'm usually on the sidelines, not by my own choice. I'd like to jump right in there, make friends and do stuff with my friends, both online and offline. But it seems like no matter which way I try to reach out, it's the wrong way.
I've been thinking about my behavior as of late and wondering, "Why am I so determined to rain on everyone's parades?" Because it's me. I know it's me and I can't seem to stop myself from offering my unsolicited opinion. Maybe I have some sort of personality disorder, maybe I'm more narrow than I ever dreamed, but I've found myself more and more often wondering why certain stuff bothers me so much. Why does my blood boil when I see an Obama pin IRL or an Obama icon in someone else's journal? I know that part of it is because of where I've come from and the sort of people I interact with everyday and the fact that if I boldly wore a Hillary Clinton shirt or sticker or pin, I'd be lucky to get out alive or just told to get over it because she lost.
But it's more than that. I want to be friends. I want to know what's going on in your guys' lives. I want to have fun with you guys. But maybe you guys see what almost everyone in my life has also seen, whatever defect it is I have in me that makes me unlikable. I don't want to be unlikeable, because I know that's not me.
So I guess I just want to know. What's wrong with me? What's your first thought when you think of me, if you think of me at all? Why am I so easy to leave out or just flat out ignore? It hurts when people simply ignore you. It hurts like a mother-fucker, only you tell yourself that's the way it's always been, so why does it still hurt? But it does.
It hurts when you want to jump in and have some fun with people and they could care less about having fun with you.
So, please, just tell me what I'm doing wrong.