It happened on one of them zippity doo dah days

Sep 06, 2005 01:13

As I sit here mindlessly working on GSCI 115 and yes mindlessly, for I could care less about reading the text, only enough that I can bullshit it so he won't mark me off tomorrow. I mentioned to Hilary earlier than that's what divides me and a straight A student. A stellar student cares about any sort of grade, because it's a grade- that's what my mother was. Now I do like to do well, but not if it's cutting into my time to study/practice things for perhaps my actual major? From which I can develop and learn improtant things for myself. I wanna hang out with friends, I want to NOT sit here find the temperatures of a fictional Daisyland and why I should possibly care.

If you care, I will give you a cookie, I promise.

Back on track, as I sit here feeling dumb, I had a realization. When we are uncomfortable in a situation, we go back to our "normal" or our strong point, etc. What we know we're not dumb at. How did I figure this out?

I'm sitting here, quietly screaming at the book, asking why it matters and how to make a graph involving three components, whatever, without asking anyone for help again, and I start singing a musical theatre piece, to be honest altough it was onky moments ago, I cannot for the life of me remember which one. I know a few too many.

But I went back to where I felt comfortable/happy/smart. My own arena. Where the only science I'll be attending to is memorizing facts for a monologue or numbers for a song. I like it that way.

But if you think about it, people do this same thing in pretty-much any situation you can imagine. It could be trying a new scatting move and getting scared so going back to what you grew up with, safe, home, comfortable. It could be feeling awkward within a group of people and finding the people like you and conversing with people only like you. It could be a anxious feeling of vulnerability in a relationship that for the first time in your life you realize that you don't always have control of your feelings so you might build a barrier just to give you the upperhand. It could be trying to develop a new lifestyle only to find it difficult and retreat back what you swore you'd never do/be again.

There are so many things that can apply to anyone and everyone. Don't deny it. It's part of life. We all have strong points, but insecurities even within those confident and strong aspects. Do I make any sense? Some are more obvious within people than others- some people recognize this and like the attention, some to their disadvantage do not recognize this.

Well, it's about time to get back to that GSCI, thanks for your time.
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