Phhht!
Okay so I've been under alot of stress and I need to get it off my shoulders, and for those of you who think I'm being a whiney little pouty emo brat, FUCK YOU! That's what a JOURNAL is for, got it? You don't like it, leave the site. Click the little X. See the X? Yes, that one. Click it, and you will be free.
Anyway. My issues come in a number of things. My husband, my money issues, and my family.
First: My husband. I love the bastard to death, and would die for him, but sometimes I just don't love him like I use to. He can be a real prick, and sooooo judgemental. Sometimes I have to keep myself guarded when I'm around him, otherwise I feel like if I say one thing wrong, or use the wrong word in a sentence, he'll rag me like a middle school punk. We're not intimate. Our relationship is like two room mates who kinda like eachother more than just friends. We only do ANYTHING when he wants, usually. If I ask for it any other time, I almost ALWAYS get turned down, because he's drawing, or he's playing a game, or watching something. Any time he wants to, it's in the middle of the night when I'm trying to get some rest for work the next day, or just to sleep, and when I agree, just when I start to enjoy myself, it's over. There's no revving of the engine, just putting the keys in the egnition and driving away until he's had his fill, leaving me to either go back to sleep, or tend to myself. I KNOW, TMI, but this is my journal. He doesn't help around the house until I rag his ass. Granted, I'm lazy too, but at least I try to make things tidy. And the arguing... My god, every other day to every day is another arguement about something ignorant, either on my part or his. I could be sitting there, quietly, he asks whats wrong, and I say nothing, he thinks there's a hidden agenda, and that I'm lieing to him. No, I'm actually fine, I just don't feel like talking. I get like that sometimes. And I know he'll be reading this, and will probably be offended, and I don't mean to offend him, or hurt his feelings, but I need to vent, otherwise, I'll explode.
Okay, as far as money goes, I have a job with the school system, which I get payed for the days I work. And, I work the same amount of days that the kids have to go to school, which also means I don't work the days they're off. I only get payed for the days I work, and no, I can't apply for unimployment during the summer months. Trust me, I've been asked that question. I take commissions to help with my money issues, but sometimes, that doesn't help. It lasts long enough to pay for a bill or two, and that's about it. So yes, money is tight, and almost all of Mikes check goes to bills. Which usually leaves us with $30 to $60 for groceries for THREE people. Trust me, it's almost always the former. Well, right now I'm unhappy, because we have NO money for groceries this week, on top of that, I found out that the book keeper for the school district screwed me. They didn't take money out for income taxes. It was taken for SSI and Medicare, but NOT TAXES! Which means, when I file, I'll more than likely have to pay the government, and our incometax check was going to help with some bills, not to mention, get me a new, cheap computer to work on my commissions easier. Don't know what I'm going to do other than talk to them, and that's not going to help me much...
And last, but not least, family. I don't have many problems with my family, other than my cousin's an idiot, my mom's healing from two major surgeries back to back with a fifteen minute break, and my dad's getting sicker. My cousins dumb ass met a WONDERFUL guy, who had a great job, took care of her and her baby, got her a new van and pretty much pampered her, and she leaves him for her ex boyfriend in FL, who's a crack head living in a run down trailor in Palm City, with his crack head family and mentally handycapped sister. [No, I am NOT insulting the sister, it isn't her fault. Just emphasizing.] To my knowledge, her bf doesn't know. But when he finds out, he's going to get her for auto theft at least, I believe. And for my mom.. Oh, my poor mom.. She's gone through so much hell and doesn't deserve what she gets. She lost her job a month or so before her surgery because they didn't wanna have to pay her while she was off work, and after surgery, months later, she's still having issues. She can't find a job, lives with my aunt and uncle, can't drive her car because she had to turn the tags in.. I love my mom to death, and I would gladly sleep on the floor for her to stay in my bed until she could get on her feet here, no questions asked... But she can't even get here because of that car. My brother's an idiot, going back and forth to his wife who's a bitch that lied about being pregnant, or aborted the twins one or the other, just so he would marry her. Ugh.. that's a rant for another day...
My dad's getting sicker, and it's hard to hear how weak he is now over the phone. Sure, he was an ass to me when I was younger, but he's my dad. I love him to death, and, even though I told myself when I was smaller that I wouldn't cry when he died, it's a lie. And now, he's not in good shape because his brother, my uncle, Tommy died a couple days ago from pneumonia. I can't say much about what's going on with him right now, because I have to leave soon, but lets just say that my brothers from a previous marriage, his kids, only want his dissability checks, and steal his meds to sell and make money, or just get high off of. God I wish I could help him....
So yeah. That's just a SMALL AMOUNT of what's going on right now. I wish I could help my parents.. I wish my husband wouldn't be such a dick, I wish I could solve my money problems in the blink of an eye...
But I'm not a genie...
~
Anyway. My issues come in a number of things. My husband, my money issues, and my family.
First: My husband. I love the bastard to death, and would die for him, but sometimes I just don't love him like I use to. He can be a real prick, and sooooo judgemental. Sometimes I have to keep myself guarded when I'm around him, otherwise I feel like if I say one thing wrong, or use the wrong word in a sentence, he'll rag me like a middle school punk. We're not intimate. Our relationship is like two room mates who kinda like eachother more than just friends. We only do ANYTHING when he wants, usually. If I ask for it any other time, I almost ALWAYS get turned down, because he's drawing, or he's playing a game, or watching something. Any time he wants to, it's in the middle of the night when I'm trying to get some rest for work the next day, or just to sleep, and when I agree, just when I start to enjoy myself, it's over. There's no revving of the engine, just putting the keys in the egnition and driving away until he's had his fill, leaving me to either go back to sleep, or tend to myself. I KNOW, TMI, but this is my journal. He doesn't help around the house until I rag his ass. Granted, I'm lazy too, but at least I try to make things tidy. And the arguing... My god, every other day to every day is another arguement about something ignorant, either on my part or his. I could be sitting there, quietly, he asks whats wrong, and I say nothing, he thinks there's a hidden agenda, and that I'm lieing to him. No, I'm actually fine, I just don't feel like talking. I get like that sometimes. And I know he'll be reading this, and will probably be offended, and I don't mean to offend him, or hurt his feelings, but I need to vent, otherwise, I'll explode.
Okay, as far as money goes, I have a job with the school system, which I get payed for the days I work. And, I work the same amount of days that the kids have to go to school, which also means I don't work the days they're off. I only get payed for the days I work, and no, I can't apply for unimployment during the summer months. Trust me, I've been asked that question. I take commissions to help with my money issues, but sometimes, that doesn't help. It lasts long enough to pay for a bill or two, and that's about it. So yes, money is tight, and almost all of Mikes check goes to bills. Which usually leaves us with $30 to $60 for groceries for THREE people. Trust me, it's almost always the former. Well, right now I'm unhappy, because we have NO money for groceries this week, on top of that, I found out that the book keeper for the school district screwed me. They didn't take money out for income taxes. It was taken for SSI and Medicare, but NOT TAXES! Which means, when I file, I'll more than likely have to pay the government, and our incometax check was going to help with some bills, not to mention, get me a new, cheap computer to work on my commissions easier. Don't know what I'm going to do other than talk to them, and that's not going to help me much...
And last, but not least, family. I don't have many problems with my family, other than my cousin's an idiot, my mom's healing from two major surgeries back to back with a fifteen minute break, and my dad's getting sicker. My cousins dumb ass met a WONDERFUL guy, who had a great job, took care of her and her baby, got her a new van and pretty much pampered her, and she leaves him for her ex boyfriend in FL, who's a crack head living in a run down trailor in Palm City, with his crack head family and mentally handycapped sister. [No, I am NOT insulting the sister, it isn't her fault. Just emphasizing.] To my knowledge, her bf doesn't know. But when he finds out, he's going to get her for auto theft at least, I believe. And for my mom.. Oh, my poor mom.. She's gone through so much hell and doesn't deserve what she gets. She lost her job a month or so before her surgery because they didn't wanna have to pay her while she was off work, and after surgery, months later, she's still having issues. She can't find a job, lives with my aunt and uncle, can't drive her car because she had to turn the tags in.. I love my mom to death, and I would gladly sleep on the floor for her to stay in my bed until she could get on her feet here, no questions asked... But she can't even get here because of that car. My brother's an idiot, going back and forth to his wife who's a bitch that lied about being pregnant, or aborted the twins one or the other, just so he would marry her. Ugh.. that's a rant for another day...
My dad's getting sicker, and it's hard to hear how weak he is now over the phone. Sure, he was an ass to me when I was younger, but he's my dad. I love him to death, and, even though I told myself when I was smaller that I wouldn't cry when he died, it's a lie. And now, he's not in good shape because his brother, my uncle, Tommy died a couple days ago from pneumonia. I can't say much about what's going on with him right now, because I have to leave soon, but lets just say that my brothers from a previous marriage, his kids, only want his dissability checks, and steal his meds to sell and make money, or just get high off of. God I wish I could help him....
So yeah. That's just a SMALL AMOUNT of what's going on right now. I wish I could help my parents.. I wish my husband wouldn't be such a dick, I wish I could solve my money problems in the blink of an eye...
But I'm not a genie...
~