Change
I have been hearing a lot about change lately. Not so much people changing, but much more often the desire to change.
Leaving bad habits behind, growing into themselves, being more honest with themselves... but why do we seem to always need to replace one thing with another?
A client was just telling me about trying the nicotine gum for quitting today. How about some nicotine for your nicotine habit... he said as soon as he spit it out he wanted a cigarette. The thing is, so many people want to change because they think they should... for external reasons. But when that motive goes away (and in my experience, it always does) the pattern resumes.
Your reason for wanting change is the most important factor... and one commonly overlooked, or avoided.
I had no idea why I kept going back to drinking, or smoking. And I had no idea how to quit. I had tried everything. Until one day, I was talking about something completely different to my therapist, and she said something along the lines of talking and opening up about alchohol.
She asked me this:
"Tell me all the reasons why drinking is something you want to continue doing."
And that really opened up the truth for me to see.
I was not able to come up with a single reason why I should ever drink again. (Everyone has their things, I don't at all think drinking is bad for everyone, it's just been detrimental to me..)
and then she asked me,
"Tell me all the reasons why drinking is something you don't want to continue doing."
And there's where the long-term motive is for me. So, change is created inside of each person differently. It materializes itself in all sorts of ways, some can be seen by everyone and some only by the person changing.
But if you think you're changing, and no one else sees it, keep going... they might see you from the past at first.
There is a certain amount of acting to begin with... acting as if it doesn't frustrate the hell out of you when you don't have your fix in your weakest moment. Acting as if you don't care if they think you'll go back into your patterns... Acting strong for yourself until you are stronger than the addiction.
We are creatures of habit. But we must love ourselves.
Yup, yup yup...
Leaving bad habits behind, growing into themselves, being more honest with themselves... but why do we seem to always need to replace one thing with another?
A client was just telling me about trying the nicotine gum for quitting today. How about some nicotine for your nicotine habit... he said as soon as he spit it out he wanted a cigarette. The thing is, so many people want to change because they think they should... for external reasons. But when that motive goes away (and in my experience, it always does) the pattern resumes.
Your reason for wanting change is the most important factor... and one commonly overlooked, or avoided.
I had no idea why I kept going back to drinking, or smoking. And I had no idea how to quit. I had tried everything. Until one day, I was talking about something completely different to my therapist, and she said something along the lines of talking and opening up about alchohol.
She asked me this:
"Tell me all the reasons why drinking is something you want to continue doing."
And that really opened up the truth for me to see.
I was not able to come up with a single reason why I should ever drink again. (Everyone has their things, I don't at all think drinking is bad for everyone, it's just been detrimental to me..)
and then she asked me,
"Tell me all the reasons why drinking is something you don't want to continue doing."
And there's where the long-term motive is for me. So, change is created inside of each person differently. It materializes itself in all sorts of ways, some can be seen by everyone and some only by the person changing.
But if you think you're changing, and no one else sees it, keep going... they might see you from the past at first.
There is a certain amount of acting to begin with... acting as if it doesn't frustrate the hell out of you when you don't have your fix in your weakest moment. Acting as if you don't care if they think you'll go back into your patterns... Acting strong for yourself until you are stronger than the addiction.
We are creatures of habit. But we must love ourselves.
Yup, yup yup...