Layers
In my tiny little kitchen today instead of napping, I painted for over an hour. Sara's painting is done. I was inspired to paint yesterday and today, and this makes me so indescribably happy. The kitchen is quickly turning into my art studio, since it is such a desirable space and I don't cook (might as well do something in there).
I sat today with my paint brush and watercolor paper and endless spectrum and memories and I look at where I am today, so far from the self-loathing that I carried everywhere such a short year ago. I was so terrified of repeating any mistakes that I held them close and remembered every hideous detail in desperate hopes of becoming a better person.
A great friend of mine gave me a beautiful compliment that meant the world to me, and since hearing it I have become less skeptical of the near future and the great changes it holds. He told me that every time we talk (which is about every three to six months) he sees such huge changes in me, and that I've had major breakthroughs since we last spoke. Since hearing him say that, I have begun to see what he sees in me... I am starting to see that I'm not restricted to reacting the way I have in the past.
"The tools that once saved me have isolated and depraved me"
I wrote that line years ago but I understand it much better now. I'm branching out, finding new ways to leave the stuff behind that tortures me. I don't have to protect so much anymore. I can observe, make mistakes, and live through it.
Happiness.
Tangibility.
Yippeeeee!
I sat today with my paint brush and watercolor paper and endless spectrum and memories and I look at where I am today, so far from the self-loathing that I carried everywhere such a short year ago. I was so terrified of repeating any mistakes that I held them close and remembered every hideous detail in desperate hopes of becoming a better person.
A great friend of mine gave me a beautiful compliment that meant the world to me, and since hearing it I have become less skeptical of the near future and the great changes it holds. He told me that every time we talk (which is about every three to six months) he sees such huge changes in me, and that I've had major breakthroughs since we last spoke. Since hearing him say that, I have begun to see what he sees in me... I am starting to see that I'm not restricted to reacting the way I have in the past.
"The tools that once saved me have isolated and depraved me"
I wrote that line years ago but I understand it much better now. I'm branching out, finding new ways to leave the stuff behind that tortures me. I don't have to protect so much anymore. I can observe, make mistakes, and live through it.
Happiness.
Tangibility.
Yippeeeee!