Lost and Confused
Twisted and used up?
...I'm... um... definitely confused lately.
I keep telling myself that I'm over being so broken, but I don't know if I am.
I keep telling everyone that I'm over him, but I don't know if I am.
I still think about him.
I still dream about him.
And I still hurt whenever I see him with her.
I just don't understand how the fuck he can go from telling me that I was so much better than her, over and over and over again, to running back to her bed when I leave.
I guess our relationship wasn't as serious as I had thought. I'm glad I didn't marry him just to stay there, like I was going to.
...I was going to marry him. I WANTED to marry him. I guess I'm the only one who wanted to. Even though he was the one that brought it up initially.
His friends all hated me. His family all hated me. But while I was there, HE loved me. And while I was there, that was enough. But I guess love really ISN'T all you need. It isn't enough. And it sure as fuck wasn't enough to keep him interested in me. My full devotion wasn't good enough. Apparently he'd rather have someone who cheated on him before. My bedroom skills weren't good enough for him. He'd rather have someone that doesn't know how to please a man enough for him to WANT to please her. She wasn't satisfied with the guy she dumped him for. But that doesn't give her the fucking right to steal the one she had away from me.
But it wasn't just her. Everyone there was against me. I don't even know WHY.
Not that I should fucking care. They're all ignorant pieces of shit anyways.
They never would have gotten along with me, because I try to be open minded and get touchy when people are discriminated against.
I get downright rude when people insult people based on race, gender or sexual preference.
And because of that, I will never fit in with anyone's family, I will never fit in with anyone's friends.
I don't even have my own friends because of it. And I doubt I ever will.
Why do I have to live in a world where people who discriminate against others are the ones who are most loved? And people who defend the people who are discriminated against are condemned?
Everyone I have ever fell in love with has been discriminatory in some way. Everyone. And because I try to steer them away from that, I get accused of trying to change the person, and their friends and family end up hating me.
I just want people to stop being so RUDE to people just because they don't UNDERSTAND.
...I'm... um... definitely confused lately.
I keep telling myself that I'm over being so broken, but I don't know if I am.
I keep telling everyone that I'm over him, but I don't know if I am.
I still think about him.
I still dream about him.
And I still hurt whenever I see him with her.
I just don't understand how the fuck he can go from telling me that I was so much better than her, over and over and over again, to running back to her bed when I leave.
I guess our relationship wasn't as serious as I had thought. I'm glad I didn't marry him just to stay there, like I was going to.
...I was going to marry him. I WANTED to marry him. I guess I'm the only one who wanted to. Even though he was the one that brought it up initially.
His friends all hated me. His family all hated me. But while I was there, HE loved me. And while I was there, that was enough. But I guess love really ISN'T all you need. It isn't enough. And it sure as fuck wasn't enough to keep him interested in me. My full devotion wasn't good enough. Apparently he'd rather have someone who cheated on him before. My bedroom skills weren't good enough for him. He'd rather have someone that doesn't know how to please a man enough for him to WANT to please her. She wasn't satisfied with the guy she dumped him for. But that doesn't give her the fucking right to steal the one she had away from me.
But it wasn't just her. Everyone there was against me. I don't even know WHY.
Not that I should fucking care. They're all ignorant pieces of shit anyways.
They never would have gotten along with me, because I try to be open minded and get touchy when people are discriminated against.
I get downright rude when people insult people based on race, gender or sexual preference.
And because of that, I will never fit in with anyone's family, I will never fit in with anyone's friends.
I don't even have my own friends because of it. And I doubt I ever will.
Why do I have to live in a world where people who discriminate against others are the ones who are most loved? And people who defend the people who are discriminated against are condemned?
Everyone I have ever fell in love with has been discriminatory in some way. Everyone. And because I try to steer them away from that, I get accused of trying to change the person, and their friends and family end up hating me.
I just want people to stop being so RUDE to people just because they don't UNDERSTAND.