All Aboard the Fail Boat!
This week has been a week of me failing horribly, and of things in my life horribly failing me. Not particularly comfortable talking about the part where I fail horribly (not because I mind telling people when/how/where I fuck up, but because it involves all sorts of people whose lives aren't mine to chat about), but let's have a talk about life failing me.
My heart is not working. With each passing day, it is working less. I am spending most of my days on the phone with doctors, and the parts when I'm not on the phone I am spending in bed, or occasionally on the floor if I can't quite make it to the bed. I am having to drop out of or cut back on many of the things I love, and in fact the things that make my life happy - I have dropped one of my dance classes and it is looking seriously as if the salsa routine this year is not going to be a possibility if things don't improve quickly. These might not seem like a big deal, but these were some of the things that helped to bring me out of depression, and I'm afraid that losing them is going to throw me right back in. I am missing classes and behind on work. I am having to go see profs for help and bursting into tears when they are being nice.
Not really sure where I'm going with this. I just kind of want people to know: if in the last week I have been a bitch to you, blown you off, sacrificed your firstborn child to the gods, I'm sorry (especially the last one. That was way out line, man.) This is not at all a turn I saw my life taking, but it has, and I'm not the best at dealing with it. I have a bunch of appointments next week, so hopefully they will work out what's wrong and get me back on track. Until then, I will try to keep my presence in other people's lives to a minimum.
Cheers,
Katie
ps I'm sorry for all the angst. Earlier today, I was complaining about my angst on twitter, and my boyfriend looked at me and said "You look awfully emo right now." I sheepishly replied with "I'm microblogging about my angst." He proceeded to laugh hysterically. What would I do without him???
My heart is not working. With each passing day, it is working less. I am spending most of my days on the phone with doctors, and the parts when I'm not on the phone I am spending in bed, or occasionally on the floor if I can't quite make it to the bed. I am having to drop out of or cut back on many of the things I love, and in fact the things that make my life happy - I have dropped one of my dance classes and it is looking seriously as if the salsa routine this year is not going to be a possibility if things don't improve quickly. These might not seem like a big deal, but these were some of the things that helped to bring me out of depression, and I'm afraid that losing them is going to throw me right back in. I am missing classes and behind on work. I am having to go see profs for help and bursting into tears when they are being nice.
Not really sure where I'm going with this. I just kind of want people to know: if in the last week I have been a bitch to you, blown you off, sacrificed your firstborn child to the gods, I'm sorry (especially the last one. That was way out line, man.) This is not at all a turn I saw my life taking, but it has, and I'm not the best at dealing with it. I have a bunch of appointments next week, so hopefully they will work out what's wrong and get me back on track. Until then, I will try to keep my presence in other people's lives to a minimum.
Cheers,
Katie
ps I'm sorry for all the angst. Earlier today, I was complaining about my angst on twitter, and my boyfriend looked at me and said "You look awfully emo right now." I sheepishly replied with "I'm microblogging about my angst." He proceeded to laugh hysterically. What would I do without him???