world on fire
silence is golden until broken, shattered scattered littered around. like pieces of life pouring out from bounds.
the year is coming to a close. Many different and exciting things have happened. Many unknown and curious things are destined for the future.
2009 really has been an interesting year. it started off with just readjusting and learning about myself and life. dealing with a large debate that came to the surface and to light and now has brought me so much joy and happiness.
it's really hard to describe sometimes the way life has changed. all those stupid things people talked about are true when you do actually fall in love. and you fall in love with someone who is fair and respectful. someone who admires you and reaches out only in love. it's not often my words fall short of my feelings but this is one of those moments. i have no words to describe the overwhelming feelings i have.
it's just refreshing and scary. but each day is a journey and each morning she lights up my morning sky. she is my sunshine.
but the days ahead loom large and dreary. i am destined to have my job outsourced. i saw that on a slide in a conference for the IT people of my company. thanks cio. hope your bonus is fat and saggy. so maybe around march i'll find out what is going to happen and when. if the timing goes the same as the chop offs this past year i'll probably be out of my current position by august.
i don't know if i will still be here at Hilton. i don't know if i fit in in any other place. i really don't want to do computers anymore and i would like to do something brand related. but then again i'm so tired and frustrated with the corporate work place i'm ready to get out of here like a bat out of hell. i want some place smaller. someplace i can feel like i'm on a team that sees my efforts of work. but then comes the life questions. will it pay the same or more than what i get now? will it pay less? do i want to scrap that and go back to school and try to get my masters degree again. do i want to try law school? are there going to be any jobs then? if so am i going to get one that is more in line with my career? which btw wtf is my career? has anyone seen it? i think i last set my dreamy rose colored eyes on it in 2006. haven't seen it since. if you see it tell it to come home immediately. momma is pissed!
then comes the even bigger questions. do i want to stay in memphis? do i finally want to make that leap to DC? or somewhere else. what would that mean for me.
oh these things make my head fucking hurt. not to mention just stressed about money and life. making everything balance and pay off in the end. sometimes i just want to sit and draw and think and do something with my hands. i want to write novella's and shockingly short stark poems. i want to write vignettes about politics and my idealism.
i watch my youth and innocence gracefully slide away into the past. oh the wishes we wish in restless days.
oh me it makes my head hurt. it makes me confused. i'm not a crossroads i'm at a malfunction junction of about 16 cross national interstates with completely different terrain and adventures. whichever one i pick is going to be a hell of a ride.
but, in different thoughts. I am going to lillith fair this summer with adam in ATL. oh i'm so excited just to see sarah mclachlan again. I cried and had a personal religious experience in the crowd the last time i saw her. I will be there in atl singing and crying again. ya'll i wouldn't have made it out of high school alive without that lady. she saved my soul from dark night shaded days. there are lots of interesting people on the tour too. i'm pumped and i just hope it doesn't fall on like memorial day. if it does there is always chicago and dallas for the tour so i'm not full shit out of luck.
So life still turns and life roils and blisters the soul with scorching winds of change and time. i cannot stop the change. i cannot stop time.
yes friends it is strange days we are galloping towards.
i think my new years resolution is going to be to reconnect with people and life. i need a creative outlet for this nervous craziness brewing deep down.
But you know what. I have an incredibly beautiful, strong lady's hand to hold through this uncertain future. pics to come and i have a couple from this year.
much love. erin
the year is coming to a close. Many different and exciting things have happened. Many unknown and curious things are destined for the future.
2009 really has been an interesting year. it started off with just readjusting and learning about myself and life. dealing with a large debate that came to the surface and to light and now has brought me so much joy and happiness.
it's really hard to describe sometimes the way life has changed. all those stupid things people talked about are true when you do actually fall in love. and you fall in love with someone who is fair and respectful. someone who admires you and reaches out only in love. it's not often my words fall short of my feelings but this is one of those moments. i have no words to describe the overwhelming feelings i have.
it's just refreshing and scary. but each day is a journey and each morning she lights up my morning sky. she is my sunshine.
but the days ahead loom large and dreary. i am destined to have my job outsourced. i saw that on a slide in a conference for the IT people of my company. thanks cio. hope your bonus is fat and saggy. so maybe around march i'll find out what is going to happen and when. if the timing goes the same as the chop offs this past year i'll probably be out of my current position by august.
i don't know if i will still be here at Hilton. i don't know if i fit in in any other place. i really don't want to do computers anymore and i would like to do something brand related. but then again i'm so tired and frustrated with the corporate work place i'm ready to get out of here like a bat out of hell. i want some place smaller. someplace i can feel like i'm on a team that sees my efforts of work. but then comes the life questions. will it pay the same or more than what i get now? will it pay less? do i want to scrap that and go back to school and try to get my masters degree again. do i want to try law school? are there going to be any jobs then? if so am i going to get one that is more in line with my career? which btw wtf is my career? has anyone seen it? i think i last set my dreamy rose colored eyes on it in 2006. haven't seen it since. if you see it tell it to come home immediately. momma is pissed!
then comes the even bigger questions. do i want to stay in memphis? do i finally want to make that leap to DC? or somewhere else. what would that mean for me.
oh these things make my head fucking hurt. not to mention just stressed about money and life. making everything balance and pay off in the end. sometimes i just want to sit and draw and think and do something with my hands. i want to write novella's and shockingly short stark poems. i want to write vignettes about politics and my idealism.
i watch my youth and innocence gracefully slide away into the past. oh the wishes we wish in restless days.
oh me it makes my head hurt. it makes me confused. i'm not a crossroads i'm at a malfunction junction of about 16 cross national interstates with completely different terrain and adventures. whichever one i pick is going to be a hell of a ride.
but, in different thoughts. I am going to lillith fair this summer with adam in ATL. oh i'm so excited just to see sarah mclachlan again. I cried and had a personal religious experience in the crowd the last time i saw her. I will be there in atl singing and crying again. ya'll i wouldn't have made it out of high school alive without that lady. she saved my soul from dark night shaded days. there are lots of interesting people on the tour too. i'm pumped and i just hope it doesn't fall on like memorial day. if it does there is always chicago and dallas for the tour so i'm not full shit out of luck.
So life still turns and life roils and blisters the soul with scorching winds of change and time. i cannot stop the change. i cannot stop time.
yes friends it is strange days we are galloping towards.
i think my new years resolution is going to be to reconnect with people and life. i need a creative outlet for this nervous craziness brewing deep down.
But you know what. I have an incredibly beautiful, strong lady's hand to hold through this uncertain future. pics to come and i have a couple from this year.
much love. erin