ugh
well i finally went to the psychiatrist today, not good.. he wants to put me on depakote, its like lithium.. pretty much a really hardcore mood stabalizer, its really scary b/c i need bloodwork done every few months, it can cause liver damage and pancreas damage, and the worst thing is theres a 50% chance i'll gain weight. i'm already self counscious enough i dont want that... its scary, i've never been on a medication that is this serious.. i'm so nervous, i might talkt o him and see if i can do something not as like hardcore as that.. but then again i really do need to get better b/c i'm out of control so i dunno what to do.. this sucks so much, i just wanna be normal! oh and right after i get to work i hear janice telling tommy that i dont pull my weight around the store, i'm slow, and she cant' believe i'm still there... when first of all shes fucking slow b/c shes old and getting alzeimers, i do pull my damn weight, and i cant belive shes still there that bitch needs to fucking retire, go home, and knit a god damn sweater. i'm so SICK of it, i spent 30 minutes in the bathroom crying, then i talked to tommy and he said i need to take more initiative.. whatever i do things w/o having to be told. so this is all bullshit, janice blames EVERYTHING on me, even when she screws up and since theyre so close i'm worried hes going to believe everything she says. i cant get fired, if i do i will be so screwed i will have to kill myself. this just sucks and most of all im nervous about this medication shit. i dunno what to do, i get my first bloodwork done tommarow and then the results come in next week and i see the psychiatrist again.