what the fuck
I just wrote a whole entry and it got deleted... but i wasn't done venting
and i'm pms-ing so i sound like a complete bitch
so... college... not excited yet...is that wrong? is it bad that everyone else is incredibly pumped to go find something new and leave each other to find something better? Cause that makes me feel like shit when I think about it.. was it a waste of four years to spend so much time gettin attached to people and getting to know everyone, when in reality everyone's just waiting for college to break free and make new friends? So what's the point of highschool? What was the point of going through bullshit in high school if I still came out with regrets, and I'm even more confused on who I am, and Why I am? So, I'm just really not pumped to leave, but I guess, it's gotta happen? So what was the point of relationships and friendships if they're overlooked cause college is coming?
And I'm fucking terrified... there are so many what if's.. i mean, what if i suck at school? what if i suck at making friends? what if it's just depressing? Cause ya know what, there's gonna be no one familiar there, and that scares the shit out of me, cause I can't even believe my own friends accept me after four years, how am i gonna believe I can make friends when i need to... i'm so sorry for anyone who's wasting their time to read this cause i sound like a fucking tool .. i'm jsut really hating on life right now for no apparent reason excpet for in a couple months i'm gonna lose the friendships i clung to for years, i'm gonna leave everything I know to go into some really unfamiliar place, where I might not even fit in, and try to maintain a relationship, and setlle in at school and attempt to be smart again... I'm not looking forward to it at all.. and i know it's all just perspective, but my perspective's on things absolutely suck,
So I spend all my time thinking that I have no friends and now graduation comes and i lose touch with them all, and get to confirm my belief
so here goes spending the rest of my time here trying to prepare myself to watch everyone leave and change, fucking awesome... someone please shoot me in the face, cause i really dont wanna be here to see how it all ends up
and what do i say when me and my friends leave.. thanks for being a great friend? and we'll all pretend like we're gonna talk when we know it's not gonna happen?
And IT's just all my own fault cause maybe if i was cooler, or better at life i'd be liked more and we wouldnt lose touch, cause i'd actually be worth talking to
what the fuck is wrong with me
and why am i so wound up over fucking everything.. if everyone else can just let it go and be happy, why can't i.. what am i doing wrong? why am i here - I FEEL POINTLESS
and i'm pms-ing so i sound like a complete bitch
so... college... not excited yet...is that wrong? is it bad that everyone else is incredibly pumped to go find something new and leave each other to find something better? Cause that makes me feel like shit when I think about it.. was it a waste of four years to spend so much time gettin attached to people and getting to know everyone, when in reality everyone's just waiting for college to break free and make new friends? So what's the point of highschool? What was the point of going through bullshit in high school if I still came out with regrets, and I'm even more confused on who I am, and Why I am? So, I'm just really not pumped to leave, but I guess, it's gotta happen? So what was the point of relationships and friendships if they're overlooked cause college is coming?
And I'm fucking terrified... there are so many what if's.. i mean, what if i suck at school? what if i suck at making friends? what if it's just depressing? Cause ya know what, there's gonna be no one familiar there, and that scares the shit out of me, cause I can't even believe my own friends accept me after four years, how am i gonna believe I can make friends when i need to... i'm so sorry for anyone who's wasting their time to read this cause i sound like a fucking tool .. i'm jsut really hating on life right now for no apparent reason excpet for in a couple months i'm gonna lose the friendships i clung to for years, i'm gonna leave everything I know to go into some really unfamiliar place, where I might not even fit in, and try to maintain a relationship, and setlle in at school and attempt to be smart again... I'm not looking forward to it at all.. and i know it's all just perspective, but my perspective's on things absolutely suck,
So I spend all my time thinking that I have no friends and now graduation comes and i lose touch with them all, and get to confirm my belief
so here goes spending the rest of my time here trying to prepare myself to watch everyone leave and change, fucking awesome... someone please shoot me in the face, cause i really dont wanna be here to see how it all ends up
and what do i say when me and my friends leave.. thanks for being a great friend? and we'll all pretend like we're gonna talk when we know it's not gonna happen?
And IT's just all my own fault cause maybe if i was cooler, or better at life i'd be liked more and we wouldnt lose touch, cause i'd actually be worth talking to
what the fuck is wrong with me
and why am i so wound up over fucking everything.. if everyone else can just let it go and be happy, why can't i.. what am i doing wrong? why am i here - I FEEL POINTLESS