just me again
I think I'm ready for a breakdown. I've been holding it in for so long, I don't want to burden anyone with the problems, but yet they keep piling up waiting for me to break. There are so many things that I want from life, but feel trapped. I can't get a new job because my boss keeps sabotaging my opportunities. I'm getting burned out from school, and I still have 2 years left. I want a real life... not one where I float day-to-day hoping for a different outcome without changing any variables - I know that doesn't work.
I think I'm totally stressed out and that's what is causing my problems... but how can I become less stressed out if the things that stress me out are my life-line (i.e. work and school)? I don't dare take time off from either. Hell or high water if I have to take a day or two off... i have twice as much work to do when I get back than if I just go through the motions. If I stop going to school I will never go back - that is almost a known fact.
There are days that I just want to pack up and move. Start over where no one knows me. No one knows my background. Somewhere warm... maybe not even warm ~ just different. I felt at home when I was in Ireland with my parents, but their economy is worse than ours ~ almost bankrupt from what I understand, no jobs, but still kind of expensive... that won't work either.
I hate this feeling of being in a rut. It seems like it always comes in the winter - so I'm sure it has something to do with the lack of sun. Afterall I am Vitamin D deficient (big time). Argh... oh well... same ol same ol. Deal with it and move on, knowing that my experiences make me who I am... no matter how 'bad' I think the experiences are... they aren't near as bad as they could be.
Eh... such is life.