update
So today's my follow up appointment at USC. The thing is the test I've been taking this past week (swallowing these radio active pills that leave behind markers in my intestines) said you can't take any laxatives whatsoever or even something to stimulate movement like ~prune juice. So then my doctor/surgeon decides to rule out Hirschprungs disease with a pressure test and a rectal ultasound. Before that test I had to use enema's and during this test I had like soooo much crap shoved up my ass. That will now interfere with the results on the radioactive pills test.
fuck.
I just want my damn surgery and try not to be scared. I'm so sick it's terrible right now. It's enough that I have JRA but to not be able to eat or go to the bathroom like a normal human being for the last year has taken a toll on me. I'm so emotional lately and I'm so scared. I just want to feel semi normal again. This has been soooo hard.
I'm so lucky to have my parents through this. I really have to say thanks to Heidi because before I started hanging out with you was probably the worst time in my entire life because all I saw were doctors offices and hospital rooms. You have brought so much normalcy into my life and that feels soooo nice. :) and too a lot of you from lj, you have been so kind to me through all my ranting.. thank you for the support and putting up with me. <3