(no subject)
far too long, far too meaningful. i fear those that i want to read this wont, because its so forkin long.
this year was absolutely amazing. i told myself i wouldnt write an endofyear post, but it seems almost nessicary. i honestly believe this could quite possibly have been the defining year of my life. i know it is the most important thus far in my life, though my future years are unclear. i have discovered myself this year. i have decided i want to learn everything about myself. not just myself, the world. i decided i wanted to know everything.
well, winter was nothing really seemed to happen. things just were. i was the person i used to be then. i was caught up in old situations and stagnantly stewing through past relationships and relationships that didnt happen. i wasnt sixteen then. my birthday was in january (it usually is), but i think of it being more in the spring. it wasnt a birthday, it was a new life for me almost.
spring. one act play. i think that could have been one of the defining experiences of my life. i hadnt been onstage since lewis and clark in the fourth grade, and... i still have trouble putting it into words. just that emotion, being onstage. also, meeting so many people like katie, bill, taylor, and becky. our stereotypical teen movie. it was because of that i started to go to unity. it was also that which brought first real hardshit of the year, but that is for another paragraph. i remember so much i dont want to type here, because its far too personal, and ill give you all your little messages in time.
summer. michi-lu-ca as a jr counselor was a great experience for me, as horrible as those children were to take care of. junior high children = satanic. then came south dakota. i didnt really think all that much about it before the actual trip, i just saw it as any other thing. as soon as it started though... matt rene and i grew so much together. i honestly think we became one for much of the time we were there. all our spirits were so in tune with one another, and... it was amazing. we still laugh about pen15 and rump and the sturgis jerky, and i think about it and i remember how badly i want that trip back. every time i listen to the postal service, i remember laying in the back seat of the expedition staring out at iowa. i dont care what anyone else says; it was beautiful. those clouds went for miles, and it was like they just led to the end of the world. plus, we ate at a wendys in forkin des moines. i love our jokes from that, and i dont care how much julie got on my nerves. i only care about the jesus robe, the stupid little jokes, and the three of us on a twenty hour ride pulling each others seatbelts until none of us could breathe. summer was when i met mandah. she has become one of the most complex and rewarding relationships ive ever had with a person. i know its something everyone else either doesnt know about at all, or simply doesnt know the extent of our lives intertwining. so mandah, this is our secret; even though there isnt really a need for secrecy. i didnt believe such a friendship could evolve across state borders, having never seen a person in the flesh. i was proven wrong. summer meant more trips to sns at five in the morning, more time spent wandering the streets with matt. i miss it, i havent talked to matt in a long time, and i realize the times im losing without it. then again, its really cold, and i dont have the resolve to walk to sns in january. beulah up north with matt was amazing. his shoes getting stolen by crazy townchildren, wakeboarding (or at least attempts), and badmiton. games upon games, upon formation of leagues (in theory), and everything to do with it. i love up north, and i hope to god im still at it next year. plus summer meant fourty fingers. plus, somewhere in all of summer, i started to read poetry. i started to really write poetry; real poetry. my creative evolution had begun.
fall brought about school again, which i didnt really mind. i was excited. i wanted to see everyone again. i wanted to do the fall play, mostly though. it was, of course, quite fun, but it was different. so many more people, so much more drama. however, it was still an amazing experience, and verges rivals woody in being as fun to perform as. crazy old bat/crazy young stalkernerd. not that far apart. this also brought up relations with people again, and the complications of not being able to make up my mind in the slightest. i felt a need to learn of myself again, of all the questions i put off before. then fall rally came along and a lot of things fell into place just like. after that though, its still a blur. i am currently just getting out of thanksgiving in my head, so i cant really go any further. there are, however, new situations on the move that could be fairly controversial in the future, but thats for two thousand five.
heather and caitlin are deserving of their own paragraph, as i feel it unjust to just litter it throughout the rest of this novella of an entry. this year brought a lot of me fucking things up. i have had a history of being extremely overexcited about new friends, or a crush on a stupid girl, or various other things like that. i really cant explain how horrible i feel about those things, but i think you guys understand. life doesnt work around a calendar for us. i honestly believe we are just in one month for our entire lives together. i cant remember if juan and kfc and 'semmiiiiii' happened this summer or the last. (angry bees are just as funny now as they were two summers ago. i really want to write more, but i dont know how to put it into words. the meanings are always floating between the silences when we just sit together, or just being with one another. i could never put into words how much you mean to me, but i am pretty sure you know exactly what i mean.
and oh yeah, my music choices became amazing. i discovered every single one of my current favourite bands this year. jets to brazil, the good life, various others... i think that basicaly sums up my year. saul williams, e.e. cummings, jets to brazil, and the good life.
now im tired. i need to talk to katie tomorow. then caitlin. then mandah. i just need to speak with a lot of people. the gathering was amazing on so many levels, and ill tell you all about it personally.
this year was absolutely amazing. i told myself i wouldnt write an endofyear post, but it seems almost nessicary. i honestly believe this could quite possibly have been the defining year of my life. i know it is the most important thus far in my life, though my future years are unclear. i have discovered myself this year. i have decided i want to learn everything about myself. not just myself, the world. i decided i wanted to know everything.
well, winter was nothing really seemed to happen. things just were. i was the person i used to be then. i was caught up in old situations and stagnantly stewing through past relationships and relationships that didnt happen. i wasnt sixteen then. my birthday was in january (it usually is), but i think of it being more in the spring. it wasnt a birthday, it was a new life for me almost.
spring. one act play. i think that could have been one of the defining experiences of my life. i hadnt been onstage since lewis and clark in the fourth grade, and... i still have trouble putting it into words. just that emotion, being onstage. also, meeting so many people like katie, bill, taylor, and becky. our stereotypical teen movie. it was because of that i started to go to unity. it was also that which brought first real hardshit of the year, but that is for another paragraph. i remember so much i dont want to type here, because its far too personal, and ill give you all your little messages in time.
summer. michi-lu-ca as a jr counselor was a great experience for me, as horrible as those children were to take care of. junior high children = satanic. then came south dakota. i didnt really think all that much about it before the actual trip, i just saw it as any other thing. as soon as it started though... matt rene and i grew so much together. i honestly think we became one for much of the time we were there. all our spirits were so in tune with one another, and... it was amazing. we still laugh about pen15 and rump and the sturgis jerky, and i think about it and i remember how badly i want that trip back. every time i listen to the postal service, i remember laying in the back seat of the expedition staring out at iowa. i dont care what anyone else says; it was beautiful. those clouds went for miles, and it was like they just led to the end of the world. plus, we ate at a wendys in forkin des moines. i love our jokes from that, and i dont care how much julie got on my nerves. i only care about the jesus robe, the stupid little jokes, and the three of us on a twenty hour ride pulling each others seatbelts until none of us could breathe. summer was when i met mandah. she has become one of the most complex and rewarding relationships ive ever had with a person. i know its something everyone else either doesnt know about at all, or simply doesnt know the extent of our lives intertwining. so mandah, this is our secret; even though there isnt really a need for secrecy. i didnt believe such a friendship could evolve across state borders, having never seen a person in the flesh. i was proven wrong. summer meant more trips to sns at five in the morning, more time spent wandering the streets with matt. i miss it, i havent talked to matt in a long time, and i realize the times im losing without it. then again, its really cold, and i dont have the resolve to walk to sns in january. beulah up north with matt was amazing. his shoes getting stolen by crazy townchildren, wakeboarding (or at least attempts), and badmiton. games upon games, upon formation of leagues (in theory), and everything to do with it. i love up north, and i hope to god im still at it next year. plus summer meant fourty fingers. plus, somewhere in all of summer, i started to read poetry. i started to really write poetry; real poetry. my creative evolution had begun.
fall brought about school again, which i didnt really mind. i was excited. i wanted to see everyone again. i wanted to do the fall play, mostly though. it was, of course, quite fun, but it was different. so many more people, so much more drama. however, it was still an amazing experience, and verges rivals woody in being as fun to perform as. crazy old bat/crazy young stalkernerd. not that far apart. this also brought up relations with people again, and the complications of not being able to make up my mind in the slightest. i felt a need to learn of myself again, of all the questions i put off before. then fall rally came along and a lot of things fell into place just like. after that though, its still a blur. i am currently just getting out of thanksgiving in my head, so i cant really go any further. there are, however, new situations on the move that could be fairly controversial in the future, but thats for two thousand five.
heather and caitlin are deserving of their own paragraph, as i feel it unjust to just litter it throughout the rest of this novella of an entry. this year brought a lot of me fucking things up. i have had a history of being extremely overexcited about new friends, or a crush on a stupid girl, or various other things like that. i really cant explain how horrible i feel about those things, but i think you guys understand. life doesnt work around a calendar for us. i honestly believe we are just in one month for our entire lives together. i cant remember if juan and kfc and 'semmiiiiii' happened this summer or the last. (angry bees are just as funny now as they were two summers ago. i really want to write more, but i dont know how to put it into words. the meanings are always floating between the silences when we just sit together, or just being with one another. i could never put into words how much you mean to me, but i am pretty sure you know exactly what i mean.
and oh yeah, my music choices became amazing. i discovered every single one of my current favourite bands this year. jets to brazil, the good life, various others... i think that basicaly sums up my year. saul williams, e.e. cummings, jets to brazil, and the good life.
now im tired. i need to talk to katie tomorow. then caitlin. then mandah. i just need to speak with a lot of people. the gathering was amazing on so many levels, and ill tell you all about it personally.