bringing sexyback (aka ranting about gay marriage)

[katertotness]

i have been thinking about writing about this for a while. i will do my best to articulate viewpoints about an issue i think is important. i very much encourage anyone who reads this to engage me in debate, ask questions, be critical, etc

Comments

[nycgirl_holla]

You're obviously more well read on all of this than I am, and everything you said makes sense to me. I think that the seperate but equal thing was a tad bit of a stretch, but I honestly can't think of a more appropriate reference, so it's all good to me. And I think you're right that just because something seems daunting that it should be ignored. I also never really looked at the wording of the gay marriage decisions, and from what you've presented it does seem like it is glorifying marriage as opposed to queer people in it.

However, the one problem I have with your argument, especially when compared to seperate but equal, is that I can't think of who marriage is oppressing? Maybe I'm just not getting what you're saying, but seperate but equal needed to change because seperate was inherantly not equal and something needed to be done to make that injustice right. While marriage is heteronormative and all of that, and I agree with that, what would be better? Do you think civil unions would be better, something without the name of marriage? In my opinion, marriage is just a way of demonstrating an important person in your life, acknowledging to the world that you are sharing your life with another, and then entrusting them the rights that go along with that. Who is that hurting? The way I see it the only people hurt by marriage right now are those who aren't allowed to have it, gay people, and not just because of the title but because of the rights that come along with it. I don't know if I can picture a different way.

It could very easily be my socialization that I can't really comprehend anything outside of marriage, and I acknowledge that and welcome your thoughts on what would be better. I think there are a lot of problems right now, but I still think that fewer people are hurt by the institution of marriage itself than how many are negatively affected by not being allowed to have the title.

:) hope that was clear too.

[katertotness]

this deserves a really really seriously well thought out and detailed response... but i clearly have not had the time to respond to this in a way that i would really like, so i will do my best right now.
also, sorry for the long delay.
basically, marriage is an institution that has been so heavily supported by the government that there are a billion benefits for anyone who does choose to be married. these benefits are both economic, and legal. the status of being married allows people greater access to government support programs including but not limited to health care, housing, Social Security and pension plans, disaster recovery assistance, unemployment insurance and welfare assistance. other situations involving hospital visiting rights, and so on also privilege married persons.
i'm basically advocating and expansion of options so that more people who dont want to participate in marriage can be afforded the same rights as those who do... in effect, the economic and legal advantages to marriage are oppresive and hurtful to anyone who lives outside of a marriage.
marriage privileges legally and economically only one type of relationship, and when over half the population of the US lives outside of that kind of relationship... something has to change i think. we are talking about providing rights to a large number of household arrangements including but not limited to single parent households, close friends or siblings living in non-conjugal relationships and serving as each other’s primary support and caregivers, households in which there is more than one conjugal partner, senior citizens living together and serving as each other’s caregivers, and etc etc.
i am talking about expanding existing legal statuses, social services and benefits to support the needs of all types of households and families.
please let me know if you are looking for more specifics or more clarification... i can go on but am currently slightly lazy and wanted to respond finally to your thoughtful and helpful comment!
thank you for taking interest alex, and for forcing me to clarify :)