(no subject)
Today is a sad day. I look outside and see the world crying, so I think to myself, yeah, I can let a few tears out. I can commiserate.
Well after school today, I just lost it. My coop. had left, and I was in the room alone, just cleaning up a few things, and all sorts of emotions hit me at once. I felt incompetent, embarrassed, conflicted, guilty.
My supervisor observed my 7th block and afterward hinted at some glaring error I had made. But she only hinted. "Now I had the hardest time thinking of a dependent clause that began with 'despite,' can you tell me how you would start a dependent clause with 'despite.'"? And I was like, fuck, obviously I goofed. I think I would have responded better if she had just said, 'I noticed an error on your sheet..."despite" isn't a subordinate conjunction/clause." Instead, I had to freeze there and look stupid while I tried to think of an example. I just sort of felt like an incompetent asshole. I know it's minor, but I'm a perfectionist and a grammar freak, so this one hit hard.
I know some of you are laughing now.
A student told me about Virginia Tech, and I decided to turn on CNN at the end of class to inform the students. Seemed like a relevant issue to me, since most of these students will be going to college soon, and a tragedy like that can unfortunately happen anywhere.
This obstinate girl asked why we were watching it. "I don't care about this...this has nothing to do with me." And I seriously almost lost it. I tried to explain how something like this is a universal issue, and we should care about it because it could happen anywhere, to anyone, and we should figure out ways to prevent this kind of violence. And she just said that it had nothing to do with her, "I don't care about Virginia; it's so far away." And I reminded her of the murder that happened here just two years ago, and she said, "Um, no, that was just a rape." ?!!!!
I could have fucking punched the girl. But I politely told her that while she was entitled to her opinions, she should be mindful of how her words make others feel. And I told her that she was simply misinformed about the rape/murder, because it WAS a murder, and it WAS on the news, despite her constant insisting otherwise, and Lindsey went to MY school; she was MY classmate.
RAAAAHH!!!!!!!!!
I am losing momentum with my teaching, just as the load gets the heaviest. I am ready to graduate.
Talked to Jason again today. It was a difficult conversation, but I came out with things I felt that I needed to say. 1). That I haven't been sober. 2). That I've started dating again. (which is entirely bizarre and new to me).
(I want to love so badly, but I feel broken).
Needless to say, he was not pleased, and there was much yelling and crying on both ends. But this is necessary for healing. I shall keep telling myself that.
My college career will be over in a matter of weeks, and then I move onto the "real world," so they say. Although I've never really liked that phrase. If my "world" hasn't been fucking real, what the hell is?!
Well, it's stopped raining for now. I'll take that as a good sign.
Well after school today, I just lost it. My coop. had left, and I was in the room alone, just cleaning up a few things, and all sorts of emotions hit me at once. I felt incompetent, embarrassed, conflicted, guilty.
My supervisor observed my 7th block and afterward hinted at some glaring error I had made. But she only hinted. "Now I had the hardest time thinking of a dependent clause that began with 'despite,' can you tell me how you would start a dependent clause with 'despite.'"? And I was like, fuck, obviously I goofed. I think I would have responded better if she had just said, 'I noticed an error on your sheet..."despite" isn't a subordinate conjunction/clause." Instead, I had to freeze there and look stupid while I tried to think of an example. I just sort of felt like an incompetent asshole. I know it's minor, but I'm a perfectionist and a grammar freak, so this one hit hard.
I know some of you are laughing now.
A student told me about Virginia Tech, and I decided to turn on CNN at the end of class to inform the students. Seemed like a relevant issue to me, since most of these students will be going to college soon, and a tragedy like that can unfortunately happen anywhere.
This obstinate girl asked why we were watching it. "I don't care about this...this has nothing to do with me." And I seriously almost lost it. I tried to explain how something like this is a universal issue, and we should care about it because it could happen anywhere, to anyone, and we should figure out ways to prevent this kind of violence. And she just said that it had nothing to do with her, "I don't care about Virginia; it's so far away." And I reminded her of the murder that happened here just two years ago, and she said, "Um, no, that was just a rape." ?!!!!
I could have fucking punched the girl. But I politely told her that while she was entitled to her opinions, she should be mindful of how her words make others feel. And I told her that she was simply misinformed about the rape/murder, because it WAS a murder, and it WAS on the news, despite her constant insisting otherwise, and Lindsey went to MY school; she was MY classmate.
RAAAAHH!!!!!!!!!
I am losing momentum with my teaching, just as the load gets the heaviest. I am ready to graduate.
Talked to Jason again today. It was a difficult conversation, but I came out with things I felt that I needed to say. 1). That I haven't been sober. 2). That I've started dating again. (which is entirely bizarre and new to me).
(I want to love so badly, but I feel broken).
Needless to say, he was not pleased, and there was much yelling and crying on both ends. But this is necessary for healing. I shall keep telling myself that.
My college career will be over in a matter of weeks, and then I move onto the "real world," so they say. Although I've never really liked that phrase. If my "world" hasn't been fucking real, what the hell is?!
Well, it's stopped raining for now. I'll take that as a good sign.