(no subject)
I hate how someone who you honestly have no particular affinity for can make you feel like such crap. I mean I guess it means I do have some affinity for you because I care. But honestly I never met such a brick wall. There is some intense disinterest in me. And I can't wrap my head around it, unless it's that you don't like me. Because why hang be around someone who you don't really like that much? And if you HAVE to spend time with them why not engage in conversation and be friendly. I mean I have my preconceptions about you now too. I no longer have this grand facade of friendship with you. But at the same time I still interact with you and smile and appreciate your company. Cause hey I don't think you're a bad person, I don't think you're below me, you're smart, etc.... my only problem with you is the fact that it seems as though you don't really like me all that much. And why would I put myself out there to you as a friend if none of that will ever be returned. I know some of it is my pride that people usually open up to me and I've never had someone act so offputting towards me. But I hate the fact that for some reason I'm not good enough to be even your friend in your eyes. (unless being a friend to you means constant eye rolls, a lack of conversations, being talked about and looked at condescendingly, in that case we're fucking besties haha). Anyways I deserve better than that, but at the same time I'm seen as overdramatic if I TRY to distance myself from you in particular and if not then I still have to see you at movie nights and dinner sometimes. and it just gets old quick. UGH.
In other news, the only thing I had to eat yesterday was coffee. Today I had breakfast some eggs and spinach salad. I'm thinking nothing else today....see if I can.
Got some tests coming up this week. Not at all prepared for them. Bruce Springsteen coming up in less than 2 weeks!!!!! AHHH. and yeah waiting to get in will be HELLA awkward. Have no idea what we'll talk about since everything I say seems to be immature, annoying, of unimportance, or otherwise worthless to you. butttt whatever. that's what above rant was for. Either way I'm so beyond pumped to see Bruce. One of the things that has always remained constant in my life haha. LOVE LOVE LOVE him. Hope he plays Thunder Road or idk...one of the other 5 million favorite songs of his.
Gonna go work on my collage. my kinda artistic rock-garden made up of magazine cutouts haha. ALSO can't wait till the 10th. I want to see Audrey desperately. Idk how we'll do living together for 5 days but I love having her there. K. Peace n' Love me.
In other news, the only thing I had to eat yesterday was coffee. Today I had breakfast some eggs and spinach salad. I'm thinking nothing else today....see if I can.
Got some tests coming up this week. Not at all prepared for them. Bruce Springsteen coming up in less than 2 weeks!!!!! AHHH. and yeah waiting to get in will be HELLA awkward. Have no idea what we'll talk about since everything I say seems to be immature, annoying, of unimportance, or otherwise worthless to you. butttt whatever. that's what above rant was for. Either way I'm so beyond pumped to see Bruce. One of the things that has always remained constant in my life haha. LOVE LOVE LOVE him. Hope he plays Thunder Road or idk...one of the other 5 million favorite songs of his.
Gonna go work on my collage. my kinda artistic rock-garden made up of magazine cutouts haha. ALSO can't wait till the 10th. I want to see Audrey desperately. Idk how we'll do living together for 5 days but I love having her there. K. Peace n' Love me.