(no subject)

[kateddo]

Everythings still a little confusing for me. After i updated on tuesday he came home from karate and nothing got sorted really - by the end we were talking a bit but his attitude didnt change and stuff. He dropped me off home at 9ish with me not knowing really what was happening. Ummm then i dint tetx him all day wed, and on the night he came and picked me up after he finished work - i guess i should have been strong and said i didnt wanna meet him, but i did wanna:P Umm yeah we argued some more lol, he said some stuff that annoyed me, like that its not like we've been great lately anyway, and that "maybe its because our sex life hasnt been very good why i went on it" umm at that point i just had enough - i just got dead calm lol, coz i just thought that why should i be fighing for a relationship that he doesnt want, and i was thinking that its not like i couldnt find someone else if i wanted to, so why was i getting upset about something that i couldnt control..anyway then i turned away to go to sleep (earlier he'd offered to take me home and i'd said no so he refused to take me after that lol) and then he decided to make the effort - i just told him that it was too little too late and stuff and that i wasnt getting back with him because we'd got to an argument we couldnt solve etc. Ummm it was like that for about an hour and half - him sayin he was sorry and he didnt wanna lose me blah blah, then i went to sleep. This morning it was the same again, but i wasnt as calm as last night - well, i was calm, but i wasnt as certain that us splitting up was the best way to solve it....i didnt like the thought of leaving when he went to work and not knowing when i could see him again. I didnt say anyof that though, i just said the same as i had the night before, that i didnt see a solution and stuff. He was like "just give me one more chance" etc so i said that i would but if he ever lies to me again there'll be no discussions, i'd just end it and not look back coz i wont have him lie to me a third time. I mean it aswell - i can forgive what he did (well, sort of, we still have to come to a decision about what to do about that) he said he wouldnt go on it anymore, but i said to him but even saying that wouldnt help coz i wouldnt believe him anyway and he'd just be willing to lie to me etc..so guess we still hafta sort summat out. Anyway, it's the lying to me that i wouldnt be able to forgive again - it might be so that i dont get hurt and stuff, and it might be coz he feels guilty, but a lie's a lie. So he's picking me up tonight after my driving lesson and his karate and we'll see what happened. He just texted me actually saying that "Thatnkyou kat! All i can say is im deeply sorry for what i did to you. I'll make it up to ya! Love ya loads hav a good day." I just wanna forget it, but then, i just dont want it to happen again.

Got boring stuff to do today.

Katxx