(no subject)
I need to stop worrying about myself in comparision to other people and just continue focusing on my own growth and appreciating God's graces in my process. I feel like I don't have any bragging rights about graduating and, in a lot of ways, like people I need to care don't. That hurts me a lot. This is bringing it back to the days of old... complaining on livejournal because I CAN. And because, even if not to anyone else, it does matter.
I graduated high school with a 2.96 --- .04 away from HOPE. I got HOPE within my first year of college and kept it the rest of the time. I also was awarded an academic competitiveness grant and multiple scholarships for my study abroad programs. I am an early-semester honor graduate from the only college I applied to because I never thought I was smart enough to go anywhere, at all. I made all As this semester-- for the first time since maybe 4th grade. And I'm the first person in my family to have graduated from college. I do get to brag. The entire time I've been in school I've maintained two jobs without ever being on bad terms, went on two study abroads, and served as a university ambassador for two years. This sounds like a resume, I guess, because I'm about to move across the country BECAUSE I CAN and I'll need to get a job from people I don't know, from people I have no connections with, and I will have to sell myself. I will have to explain that when I believe I can, I can. And I have. I need to remind myself that I am the Kate Gervais everybody knows and sees, but that there is so much more to it, that there's been a lot of darkness that has helped me guide others in encouraging ways and become a good listener and, also, critic. I am really proud of myself for not being on drugs or dropped out or something when honestly there hasn't been any force in my life telling me I should be good or I should go to college except Kristyn and Britta probably. I feel like I have tried my best to follow God's voice within my own self-- and I'm really happy with who I am and what I've done with it. I'm not worried because if I can go to college and do all the things I've done without anyone making me feel like I was good enough for it, with really only myself at the end of the day, then I can do anything... and of course this is cheesy. But don't you think all those songs you heard and books you read as a kid or episodes of Sesame Street you watched seeped into who you are today? All the cheesy quotes you read DO matter, they DO speak for you, and they DO carry value. POINT IS... I'm going to California with a couple hundred bucks and a whole lot of heart. I've never believed it took more than that.
I went to my livejournal to write an entry complaining about how bad I feel about certain things lately but once I started writing, it was a note to myself about how completely fortunate I am. I love this life.
I graduated high school with a 2.96 --- .04 away from HOPE. I got HOPE within my first year of college and kept it the rest of the time. I also was awarded an academic competitiveness grant and multiple scholarships for my study abroad programs. I am an early-semester honor graduate from the only college I applied to because I never thought I was smart enough to go anywhere, at all. I made all As this semester-- for the first time since maybe 4th grade. And I'm the first person in my family to have graduated from college. I do get to brag. The entire time I've been in school I've maintained two jobs without ever being on bad terms, went on two study abroads, and served as a university ambassador for two years. This sounds like a resume, I guess, because I'm about to move across the country BECAUSE I CAN and I'll need to get a job from people I don't know, from people I have no connections with, and I will have to sell myself. I will have to explain that when I believe I can, I can. And I have. I need to remind myself that I am the Kate Gervais everybody knows and sees, but that there is so much more to it, that there's been a lot of darkness that has helped me guide others in encouraging ways and become a good listener and, also, critic. I am really proud of myself for not being on drugs or dropped out or something when honestly there hasn't been any force in my life telling me I should be good or I should go to college except Kristyn and Britta probably. I feel like I have tried my best to follow God's voice within my own self-- and I'm really happy with who I am and what I've done with it. I'm not worried because if I can go to college and do all the things I've done without anyone making me feel like I was good enough for it, with really only myself at the end of the day, then I can do anything... and of course this is cheesy. But don't you think all those songs you heard and books you read as a kid or episodes of Sesame Street you watched seeped into who you are today? All the cheesy quotes you read DO matter, they DO speak for you, and they DO carry value. POINT IS... I'm going to California with a couple hundred bucks and a whole lot of heart. I've never believed it took more than that.
I went to my livejournal to write an entry complaining about how bad I feel about certain things lately but once I started writing, it was a note to myself about how completely fortunate I am. I love this life.