Keep Calm and get the fuck over it
I'm starting over.
I cut my hair and feel refreshed. Renewed. Annoyed with myself.
In the last 3 I've lost a lot of the weight I wanted and then slowly started putting it back on.
I've been vegan and vegetarian and done cleanses and cheated and had countless 'this is my last splurge' meals.
It's bullshit.
I'm better than this. I can hold myself accountable.
I'm done snacking on junk, hiding behind blousy clothes or loose tunics.
I'm tired of having emotional breakdowns trying to get dressed to go out, obsessing over whether my stomach shows or how fat my arms look.
I lose the same 20 pounds over and over again. When I'm getting to a point that I think I'm in a good place health and look wise I sabotage it.
It's a never ending battle. Is it a defense mechanism just like my sarcasm and introverted personality?
Do I have my layer of fat to give myself an out, this is why my relationships don't work out? Because I'm fat and bitchy not for any other reason?
This is another pattern I'm trying to break. I'm tired of doing the same thing over and over again to the same results or lack thereof.
I signed up for 3 months of Weight Watchers online. I need the structure. I need the push and I need to really do this.
If I haven't hit a goal by the end of that 3 months then I've got bigger issues.