That's a very tough reconciliation. Hopefully, you can let go of some of the guilt. This may help with the other parts. It's easier to try and relate to someone, when guild isn't in the way. Good luck with it.
I think you're right about no one's childhood being typical, and I enjoyed reading about yours. As for your sibs, I think you said it best yourself, "Now we're adults and I find myself letting them get away with behavior that I'd get pissed at if my friends acted the same way." So, allow them the same freedom you would offer to your friends, and no more.
This sounds like a very difficult position to be in. You are not to blame for the differences in your raising. Guilt is hard to get rid of, I know. Good luck.
It comes down to setting your own boundaries. As an adult, it's now your house, and your rules, as to how you are treated. You can acknowledge their tough past, but that doesn't mean that you should let them use that past as an excuse to treat you badly.
That's a hard place to be in - I hope you get to a place where you feel you can insist on being treated well, while keeping the understanding in your heart for your siblings. But it's such a question - when does the free pass end? And are you helping or hurting them by letting them think it's acceptable to act like that?
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Thank you for sharing this, and best luck!
Dan
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