late-night thoughts, revised and expanded
Last night, when the writing was on the wall but a miracle was still theoretically possible, I said elsewhere that I had to go to bed without waiting for the call, because I had to be functional for the kids in the morning.
The last several weeks, it's been a huge relief to come home to them, because when I had to be present for them, it made it easier to get out from under the stress and anxiety that was nearly paralyzing me. And I still feel literally sick, but I am going to try really hard to remember that I need to Get Shit Done and not get lost inside my own head, for their sake and mine. Both in the small picture -- if I get done my ordinary commitments, I can sleep more and be less stressed and be a better parent -- and also in the big picture, thinking ahead to what can still be done: state law protections, civil rights lawsuits, Obama's anti-gerrymandering effort, fighting Supreme Court nominees, midterm fucking elections.
If it's too early for this for you, that's okay. Take what time you need and take care of yourself. But this is what I need, to remind myself to be a better person in all ways and to not despair.
(I may also need to check out of news and a great deal of social media, to make that easier. I don't know if that includes here.)
And now, I need to continue adulting (last night I actually got a decent amount of housework done!) and finish picking up the house so the cleaning people can properly do their jobs.
Hugs and support to all.
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The last several weeks, it's been a huge relief to come home to them, because when I had to be present for them, it made it easier to get out from under the stress and anxiety that was nearly paralyzing me. And I still feel literally sick, but I am going to try really hard to remember that I need to Get Shit Done and not get lost inside my own head, for their sake and mine. Both in the small picture -- if I get done my ordinary commitments, I can sleep more and be less stressed and be a better parent -- and also in the big picture, thinking ahead to what can still be done: state law protections, civil rights lawsuits, Obama's anti-gerrymandering effort, fighting Supreme Court nominees, midterm fucking elections.
If it's too early for this for you, that's okay. Take what time you need and take care of yourself. But this is what I need, to remind myself to be a better person in all ways and to not despair.
(I may also need to check out of news and a great deal of social media, to make that easier. I don't know if that includes here.)
And now, I need to continue adulting (last night I actually got a decent amount of housework done!) and finish picking up the house so the cleaning people can properly do their jobs.
Hugs and support to all.
comment(s) | add comment ( how-to) | link