on a happier parenting note

[kate_nepveu]

A friend is pregnant and asked for advice in screened comments. After some thought, I realized I did have things to say that hadn't, IIRC, come up on the SteelyKid posts to date. So, for the record:

Comments

[rachelmanija]

That entire article is seared into my brain, but especially one horrific detail, which I won't even hint at in case you forgot it.

I think it probably saved some lives, because it was, clearly, SO memorable. I hope so. All else aside, I have a feeling the author traumatized himself writing it.

[mmcirvin]

Up to that point, I think he was mostly known for writing humorous and sports-related pieces.

[kate_nepveu]

He'd won a prior Pulitzer for another feature article about an award-winning violinist in a Metro station as an experiment, about which I have deeply mixed feeling, frankly: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/04/AR2007040401721.html

[mmcirvin]

Yeah, that article bothered me too. One of the general genre of "we pulled a prank on busy strangers to prove that normal people are stupid".

[pixelfish]

I remember THAT article. I was too busy sputtering over, "You know, normal people have LIVES to live and JOBS to go to." Having the guy play during morning rush hours was dumb and in no way proved his point. A) There's no way I'm going to jeopardise my job by not arriving on time, and most jobs require that. B) I might have appreciated the music for what it was: an ephemeral performance never to be replicated....and kept on walking. My walking does not diminish the minute of beautiful music I got to hear. C) I don't know who Joshua Bell is but not knowing doesn't mean anything re: my tastes or intelligence or need to get to work on time.

[charlie_ego]

Oh, yeah, I remember that article.

I used to be a fairly good violinist and frequently wince at the poor-quality violin playing in subway stations, so I think I would have noticed the playing, job or no (and probably given him a fair amount of money), but only because I am a violinist myself and my ears/brain are specifically attuned to that instrument. If it had been a flute or trumpet, or worse, drum, I am pretty sure I would not be able to tell the difference during rush hour between world-class playing and subway playing. Along the same lines, I know who Joshua Bell is, but only because I'm a violinist -- I have no idea who the world-class oboe or horn players are. And I'm a fairly good musician!

So my takeaway from the experiment was "It is hard for people to judge the quality of things they don't know a lot about, especially when distracted/stressed" which is, um, not that much of a revelation.

[mmcirvin]

I actually know the names of a few prominent horn players, but only because I am married to a horn player.

Most of the guitarists in the subway are still better than I am.

[kate_nepveu]

Really, my main reaction was "fuck you, I have to work for a living."

Mature, I know, but still.

[kate_nepveu]

You mean (ROT13) gur unve?

Oh yes.

He said afterward that he had a very close call himself, thirty-odd years ago, that he'd never told anyone about.

[rachelmanija]

Yes.

Not that I am likely to ever have a baby, but believe me, if I ever do, I will have some sort of car-precaution system.

[tool_of_satan]

What I did, back when I used to take my son to daycare, was to spend the drive chattering or singing to him (it was a fairly short drive, which helped). I tend to be in a fog in the morning until I get caffeine, and I never manage to get up early enough to have any before leaving, so... I not infrequently forget my watch or whatnot. I figured this was a good brute-force method of remembering he was in the car.

[tool_of_satan]

Thinking about this more, this strikes me as exactly the sort of thing Atul Gawande[*] talks about in The Checklist Manifesto: it's a case where a momentary lapse of attention can have tragic consequences. Which raises the question, why not use a checklist? I'm sure lots of parents would balk at the idea, but for those who don't...

[*] I don't remember if I thanked you for recommending Gawande's books. If not, thanks - they were all very good.