(no subject)
I have a few things on my mind. So i am going to try and do my best to get them out in the open and at the same time not offend anyone. i don't think i will... but just incase some touchy people read this, i appologise if i offend. it was not intended.
*I guess i have to start off with the fact that i don't understand myself or my decisions. i wish i could have a little person who could answer any question i had. For all of those tough questions that life throws at us. Because i think sometimes i second guess myself or make decisions that i know i will regret later but at the time i didn't think i would regret it later on. ( good luck understanding that hee hee ) I guess a really good example would be back in the day when i was apart of the group that consisted of Brandon and all of them. I had a lot of good times during those days. Although they were filled with drama, they were some of the greatest times that i can ever remember and i know i won't forget. I do admitt that i made some bad choices, i am not afraid of that and the fact that i was very immature as well. Point being, i made the choice of leaving or pushing myself away from that group. In some ways i felt as if i didn't belong anymore and perhaps that i wasn't wanted around. I knew that that was something i needed to do. I needed a fresh start and time away from all the old drama i was involved in. But now.. i miss it so much. I often write about it in the lj.. if you read mine you would notice that. I guess i feel as if when i distant myself, i distant myself away from my friends. I all of a sudden didn't know what was going on in their lives, the type of things i would've known if i were still in that group. And now that i am apart of another group.. i feel as though that i have distant from a lot of my old friends.. not just the ones that i was in a group with but others. And don't get me wrong... i absolutly love all of the people i hang around in my new group. Pat, Steve, Ashley, Emily, Cayley and of course my beloved.
** So i suppose that leads me to my next bit. I love hanging out with the group. We have some pretty good memories. But as you can tell, i am obviously the youngest in that group. Not just because they are a year older than me but the fact that my birthday is in December so that makes it more than a year in some cases. Like Brad and i have a year and eight months apart from each other. I guess in some ways that is a good thing, i like being young.. but i feel as though... i dunno.. not that i don't belong.. but... urgh i don't know! I feel as though i need some space from them sometimes and i need either alone time or i need to be with my friends that are my age. It's not that they aren't fun or anything.. i just need time to myself. But if i make a habbit of it, i get labelled as "anit-social" which i am not. It's the same with Brad. Sometimes i just need time away from him. If i see too much of him i just need to relax and be with my family or myself for a bit. But then i get called a bad girlfriend. It's not always like that but it has somewhat happend like that before. Am i weird for needing my time alone or wanting space from people who i see too often? I do have growing up issues. I know at my age, i am supposed to want to party all the time and be with my friends whenever i can. But the truth is. I get sad when i don't make time for my parents. My brother is gone now and it's only me. I am the little baby of the family and i guess in some ways i like it. I love my parents to death and i am terrified of growing up. It's a big step in life. But i am getting off track here... back to the whole point thing. I feel as though with some of my Weldon friends i have lost the connection with. Which sucks because there is awhole list of people i want to stay in contact with after high school and i worry that it isn't going to happen. I am just going to try my best to build them up again and not lose contact not matter what. And if you are curious about who those people are that i am worried about losing the contact with, i'd be happy to tell you.
***Now i guess that is it. So i am going to go to bed now and hope that i forget about being so emo haha.
*I guess i have to start off with the fact that i don't understand myself or my decisions. i wish i could have a little person who could answer any question i had. For all of those tough questions that life throws at us. Because i think sometimes i second guess myself or make decisions that i know i will regret later but at the time i didn't think i would regret it later on. ( good luck understanding that hee hee ) I guess a really good example would be back in the day when i was apart of the group that consisted of Brandon and all of them. I had a lot of good times during those days. Although they were filled with drama, they were some of the greatest times that i can ever remember and i know i won't forget. I do admitt that i made some bad choices, i am not afraid of that and the fact that i was very immature as well. Point being, i made the choice of leaving or pushing myself away from that group. In some ways i felt as if i didn't belong anymore and perhaps that i wasn't wanted around. I knew that that was something i needed to do. I needed a fresh start and time away from all the old drama i was involved in. But now.. i miss it so much. I often write about it in the lj.. if you read mine you would notice that. I guess i feel as if when i distant myself, i distant myself away from my friends. I all of a sudden didn't know what was going on in their lives, the type of things i would've known if i were still in that group. And now that i am apart of another group.. i feel as though that i have distant from a lot of my old friends.. not just the ones that i was in a group with but others. And don't get me wrong... i absolutly love all of the people i hang around in my new group. Pat, Steve, Ashley, Emily, Cayley and of course my beloved.
** So i suppose that leads me to my next bit. I love hanging out with the group. We have some pretty good memories. But as you can tell, i am obviously the youngest in that group. Not just because they are a year older than me but the fact that my birthday is in December so that makes it more than a year in some cases. Like Brad and i have a year and eight months apart from each other. I guess in some ways that is a good thing, i like being young.. but i feel as though... i dunno.. not that i don't belong.. but... urgh i don't know! I feel as though i need some space from them sometimes and i need either alone time or i need to be with my friends that are my age. It's not that they aren't fun or anything.. i just need time to myself. But if i make a habbit of it, i get labelled as "anit-social" which i am not. It's the same with Brad. Sometimes i just need time away from him. If i see too much of him i just need to relax and be with my family or myself for a bit. But then i get called a bad girlfriend. It's not always like that but it has somewhat happend like that before. Am i weird for needing my time alone or wanting space from people who i see too often? I do have growing up issues. I know at my age, i am supposed to want to party all the time and be with my friends whenever i can. But the truth is. I get sad when i don't make time for my parents. My brother is gone now and it's only me. I am the little baby of the family and i guess in some ways i like it. I love my parents to death and i am terrified of growing up. It's a big step in life. But i am getting off track here... back to the whole point thing. I feel as though with some of my Weldon friends i have lost the connection with. Which sucks because there is awhole list of people i want to stay in contact with after high school and i worry that it isn't going to happen. I am just going to try my best to build them up again and not lose contact not matter what. And if you are curious about who those people are that i am worried about losing the contact with, i'd be happy to tell you.
***Now i guess that is it. So i am going to go to bed now and hope that i forget about being so emo haha.