What Are Social Boundaries? (Oneshot)
Title: What Are Social Boundaries?
Rating: R
Word Count: ~3,200
Warnings: Modern AU
Summary: The one where Arthur decides he needs a sex social life that might involve kissing and sex, of course and Merlin is an oblivious, socially awkward cockblock to the nth degree. Or is he?
Notes: Written for photo prompt 118 at merlin_games 2012, team Modern AU. Many, many thanks to ayane_tsurugi for the last minute beta and constant support while I wrote this crazy thing. Any remaining mistakes are my own.
Also available on AO3 here
What Are Social Boundaries?
"So you... live on a houseboat."
Arthur threw his arm around the back of the couch while he watched his date walk slowly around the main living area.
It had been far too long since he'd been on a date. It wasn't that he had consciously strayed from the idea of a warm body next to him in bed at night, but he'd spent most of the summer trolling the waterways of the Gulf, trying to forget about his father and his expectations and the epic fight they'd had the night of Arthur's birthday in April. Dating had been the furthest thing from his mind for the last four months, but now that the houseboating season was coming to a close for the "winter months," Arthur had moored his vessel on Sanibel Island and decided that he could use a little play time.
And while Arthur wasn't particular when it came to the sex of his partners (his often favorite and cliched response being, "yes, please!"), his last three relationships had been with men. Since each of those had turned out to be epic failures, Arthur had focused on finding a cute and sweet female - preferably with a nice ass, but not a requirement - to flirt with while at the local bar two nights ago.
Enter, Guinevere.
Or Gwen, as she had asked him to call her. Unfortunately for her, Arthur actually preferred Guinevere and had spent the entire night calling her by her full name. At one point he had started to wonder if he'd hurt his chances of getting laid when she'd corrected him for the fifteenth time with a scowl so deep, the corners of her lips touched her chin, but... well, he was Arthur Mother-Fucking Pendragon. ‘Nough said.
Guinevere, he'd noticed over the course of the evening, really was all the things he'd like in a woman. She was sweet and caring, worked a respectable job as the local high school art teacher, and was surprisingly funny. Not to mention, she was gorgeous with a side of sexy. Yes, Guinevere would do nicely.
"It's a temporary residence. I needed a change of pace for a while. What better way to liven things up than by seeing a beautiful new... place every day?" Arthur answered her, a smile on his lips, and rested his left ankle on his right knee.
Guinevere smiled at him and continued to look around, touching the corners of picture frames - most of he and his sister (the nagging witch) - and sipping her wine. She stopped in front of the television, swayed a bit when the boat rocked gently, and turned to look at him, her eyebrow raised. "Don't you get seasick?"
Arthur shrugged. "I grew up on boats. I guess I don't notice the rocking anymore." Okay, Arthur was done talking. "You keep your balance better if you sit down," he said, patting the seat beside him and giving her his most charming smile.
Guinevere smiled at him, her lips curving gently and with a hint of mischief, even as she stumbles and sways with the slight movement of the boat. Arthur crooked his finger at her from the back of the sofa and, with unsteady steps, Guinevere made her way across the living area and sat down beside him. She set her glass down on the side table atop the coaster that Arthur never used, while Arthur's arm came down off the back of the couch and rested heavily across her shoulders.
With his other hand, deft fingers stroked her soft cheek. "You are beautiful," he said, his voice huskier than he'd heard it in a long time. Man, he was on it tonight.
Guinevere smiled and started moving ever so slowly toward him. Arthur was just letting his eyelids flutter closed when...
"You have to meet him. He's a really great guy!"
With a groan, Arthur pulled away from Guinevere before her lips had even touched his and looked past her shoulder. The low, excited sound of a male voice on his water-side deck, could only have come from one person. And yes, as he watched dark movement on his deck, he started to make out the form of a man with dark hair and ears, climbing over the deck railing and yammering on about something. And luck would have it that, Merlin - who was the extremely beautiful, yet amazingly infuriating idiot who lived on the boat right beside his - had brought along a friend this evening. Arthur's eyes narrowed and Guinevere asked, "What's wrong?"
"Hey, Arthur!" Merlin smiled as he burst in the sliding glass door from the deck and didn't even look guilty that he'd obviously walked in on a romantic moment (or, what should have been one). "Who's your friend?"
Arthur, pulling back from Guinevere, narrowed his eyes at Merlin and said, "Guinevere. My date."
Merlin, who didn't even seem to hear the annoyance in Arthur's voice, stepped forward and stuck his hand out at Guinevere, a smile the splitting his face in two. "Hi!" he said in his loud, Merlin-ish way. "I'm Merlin."
"Hi," she said back, reaching out to shake his hand and smiling just as broadly at him. "Gwen."
Merlin and Guinevere were grinning at each other like a couple of loons when Arthur caught sight of Merlin's companion, who was lurking by the door looking indecisive about removing his strappy, "Jesus" sandals. After a second, he decided to leave them on and looked up. It was a knee-jerk reaction that Arthur hadn't anticipated, but his breath totally hitched when he got a good look at Merlin's friend.
Tall, dark, handsome and totally fuckable, were the only words Arthur could come up with to describe exactly how amazing the man was standing at his door, still looking slightly awkward as he looked around the living room. He was contemplating a way he could ditch Merlin and suggest a wildly amazing threesome when he saw the strangers eyes light up.
Unfortunately, Guinevere's were lit up as well.
Because they were staring at each other.
Awesome.
Arthur cursed Merlin under his breath and got up from the couch. He made his way over to the stranger and stuck out his hand. "Arthur Pendragon," he said, and grasped the hand the stranger barely pointed in his direction since he was so distracted by Arthur's date.
"Lance." Their handshake was perfunctory and the moment it ended, Lance was striding purposefully across the living room to Guinevere, who was now standing. Looking like she had spent her entire life looking for Lance.
Fucking perfect.
Merlin grinned. "Meet Lance!" he called enthusiastically and Arthur folded his arms and glared daggers back at him.
★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★
It could be said that Arthur truly did like Merlin. Afterall, he really was quite adorable, in his gangly and dorky sort of way. And Arthur enjoyed spending time with him because, even though he didn't look it, Merlin was quite smart, very funny and had a smile that could light up an entire room. So, no, the problem wasn't that he didn't like Merlin, or enjoy his company. It was just that Merlin had a bit of a knack for showing up at the most inopportune times.
For instance, there was that one time Merlin came tramping in just as Arthur was coming out of the shower, singing Tina Turner's "What's Love Got To Do With It" at the top of his lungs.
Then there was the time that Arthur had been standing in front of the mirror attached to the bathroom door, flexing and carrying on like some bodybuilder in a competition, and Merlin had come in with a very gorgeous woman who live three boats over.
Or the time Arthur had been foolishly watching porn on his television rather than his laptop (because, God forbid he get to do that in the comfort of his own home, even if it was a boat) and may or may not have been touching himself like a man deprived of sex and Merlin came in, stopped mid-stride, stumbled for a second, recovered, shrugged and sat down next to him with a, "Whatcha doin'?" as if he had not just walked in on Arthur rubbing one off.
Moral of the story? Arthur needed to remember to lock his door.
Or maybe Merlin just needed to learn how to knock.
Either way, Arthur liked Merlin, even though he apparently had no social boundaries and had seen Arthur at his absolute worst and most embarrassing moments. Arthur was willing to forgive him his almighty transgressions.
However, swooping in and using a friend to steal his dates? Arthur might have to rethink their awkward friendship.
Or something.
★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★
Two weeks later and Arthur had decided that maybe he had been wrong in choosing a female for his first post-summer relationship thingy. Women were fickle little things and he knew that. What man needed to deal with fickle, especially when he looked like Arthur?
Of course, he was very happy for Guinevere and Lancelot (really? Lancelot? Who names their kid Lancelot?). They were actually a lot of fun to hang out with and Arthur had even found himself, on a couple of occasions, thankful that Merlin had stopped by that evening, though he'd never admit it aloud. Although, there were moments when their lovey-dovey public displays of affection were just a bit much for Arthur.
And that, right there. His aversion to PDA. That's what made him decide that he didn't need a relationship at all. What Arthur needed was a healthy dose of sex.
Enter, Gwaine.
Arthur had met Gwaine while wandering the beach the afternoon before. He'd been dipping his toes into the still fairly warm gulf water and contemplating the complexity of his life (which was, admittedly, pretty deep thoughts for Arthur and extremely depressing at moments), when Gwaine had come running down the beach shirtless, sweaty and oh-so-very appealing.
Arthur's mind had instantly put him in slow-motion, his hair swishing in a mesmerizing fashion behind him, his tan shoulders gleaming in the sunlight and the muscles of his torso contracting with each long step.
He had literally slapped himself in the face. Because he was staring like some sort of creeper and, quite possibly, drooling. Not to mention, when had he turned into some ridiculous sap who described body parts with the words gleaming and mesmerizing? He definitely needed to get laid.
So, as the gorgeous man had come closer, Arthur pushed his hand through his hair to mess it up and then put on his most irresistible smile. It had worked and Gwaine had stopped dead in his tracks in front of Arthur, a gorgeous smile of his own. It didn't take long after that for dinner plans to be made.
That's how Arthur found himself pressed up against the door of his boat, a knee pressed tight between his legs, arms pinned mercilessly to the outer walls and Gwaine's tongue so far into his mouth, he was licking Arthur's molars.
Obviously the date had gone exceptionally well. Gwaine had rubbed his foot across Arthur's calf through the entire meal, while alternately shoveling food into his mouth (Arthur quickly realized that Gwaine had a love affair with food that he would never attempt to get in the middle of) and leaning forward to brazenly kiss Arthur stupid.
Needless to say, it had been the fastest meal Arthur had ever eaten.
Just then, Gwaine pressed his hips forward just enough that Arthur felt the hard length of him against his thigh, while his knee pressed in and up, sending a shiver of pleasure rippling through his body and eliciting a moan from deep in his throat.
Fucking fuck he was going to get laid.
"We should go inside," Arthur breathed out when Gwaine let his lips and tongue wander down the side of Arthur's neck. Gwaine's only response was to growl seductively and roll his hips. Arthur bit back a moan and dug his recently released fingers into Gwaine's hipbones. "Do that again."
Gwaine chuckled against Arthur's Adam's apple, but it quickly turned into another growl when he rolled his hips again. "Fuck," he muttered. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."
Arthur agreed. He agreed so hard.
"Oh, you'll love it, Elena! It's gorgeous!"
Arthur felt like someone had dosed him with a bucket of ice water. Merlin.
"The water is so still and it's so dark and quiet. Blissful peace is the only way to explain it."
Gwaine, who had been trying to hump Arthur's leg, finally pulled back when he realized Arthur wasn't paying any attention now, his body stiff and unresponsive.
"S'matter?" he asked.
That's when Merlin came around the corner with a short, thin, fairly adorable blond woman.
It was unfortunate that Arthur's boat was the first on the dock. And it was unfortunate that there was a flood light right on the corner. And it was unfortunate that Gwaine and Arthur were right in that light. And it was unfortunate that Arthur hadn't thought to drag Gwaine inside the minute he heard Merlin coming around the corner.
Very, very, very unfortunate.
"Arthur!"
Gwaine pulled away from Arthur then, the cool air around them flooding in and instantly reminding him about what he'd just been doing and just lost. "Hey, there!" Gwaine called and hopped down off the boat deck to the dock, where Merlin and, presumably, Elena had stopped.
Arthur watched as Merlin made introductions all around and he threw his head back and cursed Merlin to Hell and back. By the time he made his way down off the deck (which was all of 30 seconds after Gwaine), Elena - who really was beautiful, but looked a hot mess with crazy, unkempt hair and a penchant for stumbling even when she wasn't moving - and Gwaine were already making googly eyes at each other.
Merlin was grinning. "This is Elena," he said. Elena looked at him quickly and nodded, then turned back to Gwaine, who was smirking back at her. "Nice dinner?" Merlin asked.
Arthur rolled his eyes.
★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★
And that was how the next two months went. Arthur would bring home a date and Merlin would show up with his date's soul mate. And even if Arthur didn't bring his date home, hoping that maybe he could avoid Merlin all-together, he would somehow find him! It was like he had magical, Arthur-seeking powers.
Arthur brought home the delectable Sophie. Merlin brought by his friend Elyan (who also happened to be Guinevere's brother).
Arthur took the giant Percival to Club 31 after dinner (in hopes of spending some quiet time in a back corner getting acquainted with his insane muscles). Merlin shows up with the gorgeous and self-assured Vivian.
Arthur brings home the sweet Freya. Merlin brings over Will, his obnoxious best friend from Boring Midwest Town, USA who just moved to the area.
Even when Arthur had decided to take a couple weeks off from dating and have his annoying, yet wonderful sister, Morgana, come visit, Merlin shows up on his water-side deck while Arthur was grilling dinner, with Leon, Morgana's walking fantasy boyfriend!
Arthur really liked Merlin, but this had gone too far.
So what if each of the dates Arthur had been on hadn't been the best. And so what is Arthur was actually happy that Merlin had gotten him out of each one of them without any awkwardness from his end. So what if Arthur was happy that everyone was fucking happy. And so what if he now had one of the greatest and biggest groups of friends he'd ever had.
MERLIN WAS MEDDLING IN HIS LOVE LIFE!
It had to end. Because at this rate, Arthur wasn't going to get laid ever again.
So that's when, on a cool November night - when Arthur was sat brooding in his living room, watching the new Hawaii Five-0 and drooling over Scott Caan (don't judge, Scott is a tight, sexy man in a compact package) - and Merlin came waltzing through the door, Arthur felt compelled to wipe that self-satisfied grin off his stupidly beautiful face.
"Hate to burst your bubble, friend, but I don't have a date tonight." If Arthur sounded grumpy, well, he was.
Merlin flopped down beside him and continued to grin. "Sorry to hear that."
Arthur scoffed. He looked over at Merlin to see his eyebrow quirked a bit, but he was still smiling. Arthur rolled his eyes and said, "Guess you don't get the chance to ruin it for me."
"What?" Merlin asked, laughing. "I would never do that!"
Arthur, mad now, jumped up from the couch. "Are you kidding me?" he yelled. "Of course you would! You have. Every night I've had a date for the last two months, you've ruined it for me!"
Merlin, stupid Merlin, just sat there and smiled like he thought Arthur was crazy. Arthur wasn't crazy! Merlin was crazy!
"Guinevere, Gwaine, Sophie, Percival, Freya, Morgana!"
"Ew, Arthur," Merlin said. "Morgana is your sister."
Arthur growled. "You know what I mean," he said between clenched teeth.
Merlin shrugged. "I really don't, Arthur."
"You're trying to sabotage me!" Arthur screamed in exasperation.
Merlin had the audacity to chuckle and it took Arthur everything he had not to haul off and smack him. "Arthur, none of those people were right for you. And besides, they're all supremely happy now."
"That is beside the point!"
"No, no," Merlin said. "I think that is the point."
Arthur just stared at him for a minute and then blurted out, "Y-Y-You just don't want me to be happy!"
Merlin rolled his eyes. "Yeah," he said, sarcasm dripping from his tongue. "That's it."
Arthur, thoroughly frustrated, ran a hand through his hair and said, "Whatever! I am done! You think you know so much about me? Fine! You're taking me out to dinner tomorrow night!" Arthur, pissed to the extreme, started walking toward his bedroom, his arms flailing about and his voice getting more and more high-pitched. "You'll pick me up at seven o'clock and you will use my dock-side entrance, do you hear me? You will wear a decent pair of slacks and not those mangy jeans of yours and you'll pay for my goddamn dinner!"
Merlin nodded when Arthur finally stopped yelling. "Yes, sir," he said, with a salute.
"Good! Lock the door on your way out!" he added. "I'm going to bed!" And he slammed his bedroom door behind him.
Merlin could still hear him muttering to himself from the other side of the door and he chuckled. He turned off Arthur's television and locked the dock-side door before walking out the water-side deck sliding glass door. He pulled it closed behind him and looked back inside.
The light was still on under Arthur's door and as he stood there he heard Arthur shout, Idiot!
Merlin laughed and then raised a triumphant fist in the air.
Arthur was so his.
Rating: R
Word Count: ~3,200
Warnings: Modern AU
Summary: The one where Arthur decides he needs a sex social life that might involve kissing and sex, of course and Merlin is an oblivious, socially awkward cockblock to the nth degree. Or is he?
Notes: Written for photo prompt 118 at merlin_games 2012, team Modern AU. Many, many thanks to ayane_tsurugi for the last minute beta and constant support while I wrote this crazy thing. Any remaining mistakes are my own.
Also available on AO3 here
What Are Social Boundaries?
"So you... live on a houseboat."
Arthur threw his arm around the back of the couch while he watched his date walk slowly around the main living area.
It had been far too long since he'd been on a date. It wasn't that he had consciously strayed from the idea of a warm body next to him in bed at night, but he'd spent most of the summer trolling the waterways of the Gulf, trying to forget about his father and his expectations and the epic fight they'd had the night of Arthur's birthday in April. Dating had been the furthest thing from his mind for the last four months, but now that the houseboating season was coming to a close for the "winter months," Arthur had moored his vessel on Sanibel Island and decided that he could use a little play time.
And while Arthur wasn't particular when it came to the sex of his partners (his often favorite and cliched response being, "yes, please!"), his last three relationships had been with men. Since each of those had turned out to be epic failures, Arthur had focused on finding a cute and sweet female - preferably with a nice ass, but not a requirement - to flirt with while at the local bar two nights ago.
Enter, Guinevere.
Or Gwen, as she had asked him to call her. Unfortunately for her, Arthur actually preferred Guinevere and had spent the entire night calling her by her full name. At one point he had started to wonder if he'd hurt his chances of getting laid when she'd corrected him for the fifteenth time with a scowl so deep, the corners of her lips touched her chin, but... well, he was Arthur Mother-Fucking Pendragon. ‘Nough said.
Guinevere, he'd noticed over the course of the evening, really was all the things he'd like in a woman. She was sweet and caring, worked a respectable job as the local high school art teacher, and was surprisingly funny. Not to mention, she was gorgeous with a side of sexy. Yes, Guinevere would do nicely.
"It's a temporary residence. I needed a change of pace for a while. What better way to liven things up than by seeing a beautiful new... place every day?" Arthur answered her, a smile on his lips, and rested his left ankle on his right knee.
Guinevere smiled at him and continued to look around, touching the corners of picture frames - most of he and his sister (the nagging witch) - and sipping her wine. She stopped in front of the television, swayed a bit when the boat rocked gently, and turned to look at him, her eyebrow raised. "Don't you get seasick?"
Arthur shrugged. "I grew up on boats. I guess I don't notice the rocking anymore." Okay, Arthur was done talking. "You keep your balance better if you sit down," he said, patting the seat beside him and giving her his most charming smile.
Guinevere smiled at him, her lips curving gently and with a hint of mischief, even as she stumbles and sways with the slight movement of the boat. Arthur crooked his finger at her from the back of the sofa and, with unsteady steps, Guinevere made her way across the living area and sat down beside him. She set her glass down on the side table atop the coaster that Arthur never used, while Arthur's arm came down off the back of the couch and rested heavily across her shoulders.
With his other hand, deft fingers stroked her soft cheek. "You are beautiful," he said, his voice huskier than he'd heard it in a long time. Man, he was on it tonight.
Guinevere smiled and started moving ever so slowly toward him. Arthur was just letting his eyelids flutter closed when...
"You have to meet him. He's a really great guy!"
With a groan, Arthur pulled away from Guinevere before her lips had even touched his and looked past her shoulder. The low, excited sound of a male voice on his water-side deck, could only have come from one person. And yes, as he watched dark movement on his deck, he started to make out the form of a man with dark hair and ears, climbing over the deck railing and yammering on about something. And luck would have it that, Merlin - who was the extremely beautiful, yet amazingly infuriating idiot who lived on the boat right beside his - had brought along a friend this evening. Arthur's eyes narrowed and Guinevere asked, "What's wrong?"
"Hey, Arthur!" Merlin smiled as he burst in the sliding glass door from the deck and didn't even look guilty that he'd obviously walked in on a romantic moment (or, what should have been one). "Who's your friend?"
Arthur, pulling back from Guinevere, narrowed his eyes at Merlin and said, "Guinevere. My date."
Merlin, who didn't even seem to hear the annoyance in Arthur's voice, stepped forward and stuck his hand out at Guinevere, a smile the splitting his face in two. "Hi!" he said in his loud, Merlin-ish way. "I'm Merlin."
"Hi," she said back, reaching out to shake his hand and smiling just as broadly at him. "Gwen."
Merlin and Guinevere were grinning at each other like a couple of loons when Arthur caught sight of Merlin's companion, who was lurking by the door looking indecisive about removing his strappy, "Jesus" sandals. After a second, he decided to leave them on and looked up. It was a knee-jerk reaction that Arthur hadn't anticipated, but his breath totally hitched when he got a good look at Merlin's friend.
Tall, dark, handsome and totally fuckable, were the only words Arthur could come up with to describe exactly how amazing the man was standing at his door, still looking slightly awkward as he looked around the living room. He was contemplating a way he could ditch Merlin and suggest a wildly amazing threesome when he saw the strangers eyes light up.
Unfortunately, Guinevere's were lit up as well.
Because they were staring at each other.
Awesome.
Arthur cursed Merlin under his breath and got up from the couch. He made his way over to the stranger and stuck out his hand. "Arthur Pendragon," he said, and grasped the hand the stranger barely pointed in his direction since he was so distracted by Arthur's date.
"Lance." Their handshake was perfunctory and the moment it ended, Lance was striding purposefully across the living room to Guinevere, who was now standing. Looking like she had spent her entire life looking for Lance.
Fucking perfect.
Merlin grinned. "Meet Lance!" he called enthusiastically and Arthur folded his arms and glared daggers back at him.
★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★
It could be said that Arthur truly did like Merlin. Afterall, he really was quite adorable, in his gangly and dorky sort of way. And Arthur enjoyed spending time with him because, even though he didn't look it, Merlin was quite smart, very funny and had a smile that could light up an entire room. So, no, the problem wasn't that he didn't like Merlin, or enjoy his company. It was just that Merlin had a bit of a knack for showing up at the most inopportune times.
For instance, there was that one time Merlin came tramping in just as Arthur was coming out of the shower, singing Tina Turner's "What's Love Got To Do With It" at the top of his lungs.
Then there was the time that Arthur had been standing in front of the mirror attached to the bathroom door, flexing and carrying on like some bodybuilder in a competition, and Merlin had come in with a very gorgeous woman who live three boats over.
Or the time Arthur had been foolishly watching porn on his television rather than his laptop (because, God forbid he get to do that in the comfort of his own home, even if it was a boat) and may or may not have been touching himself like a man deprived of sex and Merlin came in, stopped mid-stride, stumbled for a second, recovered, shrugged and sat down next to him with a, "Whatcha doin'?" as if he had not just walked in on Arthur rubbing one off.
Moral of the story? Arthur needed to remember to lock his door.
Or maybe Merlin just needed to learn how to knock.
Either way, Arthur liked Merlin, even though he apparently had no social boundaries and had seen Arthur at his absolute worst and most embarrassing moments. Arthur was willing to forgive him his almighty transgressions.
However, swooping in and using a friend to steal his dates? Arthur might have to rethink their awkward friendship.
Or something.
★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★
Two weeks later and Arthur had decided that maybe he had been wrong in choosing a female for his first post-summer relationship thingy. Women were fickle little things and he knew that. What man needed to deal with fickle, especially when he looked like Arthur?
Of course, he was very happy for Guinevere and Lancelot (really? Lancelot? Who names their kid Lancelot?). They were actually a lot of fun to hang out with and Arthur had even found himself, on a couple of occasions, thankful that Merlin had stopped by that evening, though he'd never admit it aloud. Although, there were moments when their lovey-dovey public displays of affection were just a bit much for Arthur.
And that, right there. His aversion to PDA. That's what made him decide that he didn't need a relationship at all. What Arthur needed was a healthy dose of sex.
Enter, Gwaine.
Arthur had met Gwaine while wandering the beach the afternoon before. He'd been dipping his toes into the still fairly warm gulf water and contemplating the complexity of his life (which was, admittedly, pretty deep thoughts for Arthur and extremely depressing at moments), when Gwaine had come running down the beach shirtless, sweaty and oh-so-very appealing.
Arthur's mind had instantly put him in slow-motion, his hair swishing in a mesmerizing fashion behind him, his tan shoulders gleaming in the sunlight and the muscles of his torso contracting with each long step.
He had literally slapped himself in the face. Because he was staring like some sort of creeper and, quite possibly, drooling. Not to mention, when had he turned into some ridiculous sap who described body parts with the words gleaming and mesmerizing? He definitely needed to get laid.
So, as the gorgeous man had come closer, Arthur pushed his hand through his hair to mess it up and then put on his most irresistible smile. It had worked and Gwaine had stopped dead in his tracks in front of Arthur, a gorgeous smile of his own. It didn't take long after that for dinner plans to be made.
That's how Arthur found himself pressed up against the door of his boat, a knee pressed tight between his legs, arms pinned mercilessly to the outer walls and Gwaine's tongue so far into his mouth, he was licking Arthur's molars.
Obviously the date had gone exceptionally well. Gwaine had rubbed his foot across Arthur's calf through the entire meal, while alternately shoveling food into his mouth (Arthur quickly realized that Gwaine had a love affair with food that he would never attempt to get in the middle of) and leaning forward to brazenly kiss Arthur stupid.
Needless to say, it had been the fastest meal Arthur had ever eaten.
Just then, Gwaine pressed his hips forward just enough that Arthur felt the hard length of him against his thigh, while his knee pressed in and up, sending a shiver of pleasure rippling through his body and eliciting a moan from deep in his throat.
Fucking fuck he was going to get laid.
"We should go inside," Arthur breathed out when Gwaine let his lips and tongue wander down the side of Arthur's neck. Gwaine's only response was to growl seductively and roll his hips. Arthur bit back a moan and dug his recently released fingers into Gwaine's hipbones. "Do that again."
Gwaine chuckled against Arthur's Adam's apple, but it quickly turned into another growl when he rolled his hips again. "Fuck," he muttered. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."
Arthur agreed. He agreed so hard.
"Oh, you'll love it, Elena! It's gorgeous!"
Arthur felt like someone had dosed him with a bucket of ice water. Merlin.
"The water is so still and it's so dark and quiet. Blissful peace is the only way to explain it."
Gwaine, who had been trying to hump Arthur's leg, finally pulled back when he realized Arthur wasn't paying any attention now, his body stiff and unresponsive.
"S'matter?" he asked.
That's when Merlin came around the corner with a short, thin, fairly adorable blond woman.
It was unfortunate that Arthur's boat was the first on the dock. And it was unfortunate that there was a flood light right on the corner. And it was unfortunate that Gwaine and Arthur were right in that light. And it was unfortunate that Arthur hadn't thought to drag Gwaine inside the minute he heard Merlin coming around the corner.
Very, very, very unfortunate.
"Arthur!"
Gwaine pulled away from Arthur then, the cool air around them flooding in and instantly reminding him about what he'd just been doing and just lost. "Hey, there!" Gwaine called and hopped down off the boat deck to the dock, where Merlin and, presumably, Elena had stopped.
Arthur watched as Merlin made introductions all around and he threw his head back and cursed Merlin to Hell and back. By the time he made his way down off the deck (which was all of 30 seconds after Gwaine), Elena - who really was beautiful, but looked a hot mess with crazy, unkempt hair and a penchant for stumbling even when she wasn't moving - and Gwaine were already making googly eyes at each other.
Merlin was grinning. "This is Elena," he said. Elena looked at him quickly and nodded, then turned back to Gwaine, who was smirking back at her. "Nice dinner?" Merlin asked.
Arthur rolled his eyes.
★ ☆ ★ ☆ ★
And that was how the next two months went. Arthur would bring home a date and Merlin would show up with his date's soul mate. And even if Arthur didn't bring his date home, hoping that maybe he could avoid Merlin all-together, he would somehow find him! It was like he had magical, Arthur-seeking powers.
Arthur brought home the delectable Sophie. Merlin brought by his friend Elyan (who also happened to be Guinevere's brother).
Arthur took the giant Percival to Club 31 after dinner (in hopes of spending some quiet time in a back corner getting acquainted with his insane muscles). Merlin shows up with the gorgeous and self-assured Vivian.
Arthur brings home the sweet Freya. Merlin brings over Will, his obnoxious best friend from Boring Midwest Town, USA who just moved to the area.
Even when Arthur had decided to take a couple weeks off from dating and have his annoying, yet wonderful sister, Morgana, come visit, Merlin shows up on his water-side deck while Arthur was grilling dinner, with Leon, Morgana's walking fantasy boyfriend!
Arthur really liked Merlin, but this had gone too far.
So what if each of the dates Arthur had been on hadn't been the best. And so what is Arthur was actually happy that Merlin had gotten him out of each one of them without any awkwardness from his end. So what if Arthur was happy that everyone was fucking happy. And so what if he now had one of the greatest and biggest groups of friends he'd ever had.
MERLIN WAS MEDDLING IN HIS LOVE LIFE!
It had to end. Because at this rate, Arthur wasn't going to get laid ever again.
So that's when, on a cool November night - when Arthur was sat brooding in his living room, watching the new Hawaii Five-0 and drooling over Scott Caan (don't judge, Scott is a tight, sexy man in a compact package) - and Merlin came waltzing through the door, Arthur felt compelled to wipe that self-satisfied grin off his stupidly beautiful face.
"Hate to burst your bubble, friend, but I don't have a date tonight." If Arthur sounded grumpy, well, he was.
Merlin flopped down beside him and continued to grin. "Sorry to hear that."
Arthur scoffed. He looked over at Merlin to see his eyebrow quirked a bit, but he was still smiling. Arthur rolled his eyes and said, "Guess you don't get the chance to ruin it for me."
"What?" Merlin asked, laughing. "I would never do that!"
Arthur, mad now, jumped up from the couch. "Are you kidding me?" he yelled. "Of course you would! You have. Every night I've had a date for the last two months, you've ruined it for me!"
Merlin, stupid Merlin, just sat there and smiled like he thought Arthur was crazy. Arthur wasn't crazy! Merlin was crazy!
"Guinevere, Gwaine, Sophie, Percival, Freya, Morgana!"
"Ew, Arthur," Merlin said. "Morgana is your sister."
Arthur growled. "You know what I mean," he said between clenched teeth.
Merlin shrugged. "I really don't, Arthur."
"You're trying to sabotage me!" Arthur screamed in exasperation.
Merlin had the audacity to chuckle and it took Arthur everything he had not to haul off and smack him. "Arthur, none of those people were right for you. And besides, they're all supremely happy now."
"That is beside the point!"
"No, no," Merlin said. "I think that is the point."
Arthur just stared at him for a minute and then blurted out, "Y-Y-You just don't want me to be happy!"
Merlin rolled his eyes. "Yeah," he said, sarcasm dripping from his tongue. "That's it."
Arthur, thoroughly frustrated, ran a hand through his hair and said, "Whatever! I am done! You think you know so much about me? Fine! You're taking me out to dinner tomorrow night!" Arthur, pissed to the extreme, started walking toward his bedroom, his arms flailing about and his voice getting more and more high-pitched. "You'll pick me up at seven o'clock and you will use my dock-side entrance, do you hear me? You will wear a decent pair of slacks and not those mangy jeans of yours and you'll pay for my goddamn dinner!"
Merlin nodded when Arthur finally stopped yelling. "Yes, sir," he said, with a salute.
"Good! Lock the door on your way out!" he added. "I'm going to bed!" And he slammed his bedroom door behind him.
Merlin could still hear him muttering to himself from the other side of the door and he chuckled. He turned off Arthur's television and locked the dock-side door before walking out the water-side deck sliding glass door. He pulled it closed behind him and looked back inside.
The light was still on under Arthur's door and as he stood there he heard Arthur shout, Idiot!
Merlin laughed and then raised a triumphant fist in the air.
Arthur was so his.