When the World Stops Spinning, Time Rushes On (Oneshot)

Jan 07, 2011 17:43

Title: When the World Stops Spinning, Time Rushes On
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~3,200
Warnings: Future!fic (sorta), time travel (does that really count?), spoilers for 2.10 (and shameless pilfering and manipulation of dialog for my own use), mild (and I do mean mild) angst, blatant disregard for Arthurian legend, and some boy!kissy-kissy.
Summary: Time, like life and death, was not something to be meddled with. Or was it? (-OR- The time Merlin uses a spell he shouldn’t, goes back in time and changes the course of his life and Arthur’s.)
Notes: My first canon era fic. Written for scatter_muse at merlin_holidays.

Thanks to ayane_tsurugi for being my rock through this, and convincing me that changing to a Modern AU version at the last minute was definitely a bad idea. OH, and of course for being my excellent last-minute beta. (All other issues are purely my own.) :) Also thanks to inadaze22 for giving me the opening breakthrough I was blindly searching for and ultimately got me writing.


When the World Stops Spinning, Time Rushes On
Merlin used the back of his hand to swipe away the rivers of tears streaking down his cheeks, while he continued to furiously flip through the pages of his spell book. Through the haze of his overwrought emotions, he knew he shouldn’t be doing this. Time, life and death... these were things not to be meddled with, he knew. Hadn’t he learned his lesson the first time?

This time he couldn’t - wouldn’t - stop himself. This was not how it was supposed to happen. This was not how Arthur was to die.

Merlin’s fingers began to shake and the sobs he had been choking back for the last hour started to break through his resolve, and it only pushed him to keep searching. He had run across the spell in the book before and quickly disregarded it. But now, this time, it could not be ignored. It was Merlin’s job to protect the King and now... well, now this was the only way. Merlin would not fail.

Images of Arthur’s broken body, lying beside his fallen horse, sprung into Merlin’s mind. He tried to push them away, knowing that his emotions would make this already complicated spell that much harder, but he couldn’t. He could see Arthur’s blond hair, smeared with the soot and dirt of war, plastered to his pale forehead. He could see the way his body looked as if it had been broken in half before being set down on the ground in an artistic sort of fashion. Arthur’s armor was dented and dirty, with the exception of one small space near his shoulder, which shone brightly in the sun that had started to peak through the clouds. One hand was clenched around the handle of Excalibur and the other was gently folded over his armor-covered abdomen, the glint of Arthur’s wedding ring dull in comparison to his beauty - even in death.

But the part that haunted Merlin the most, the part he didn’t want to think of more than anything, but kept coming back, was Arthur’s eyes. The blue circles had been so full of life whenever Merlin looked at him. Even when things had been hard and the weight of his kingship had been heavily set upon his shoulders, Arthur still had life in his eyes.

But that light had gone flat. It had died with him. Arthur gazed unseeingly out at his broken kingdom. And when Merlin had looked into those lifeless eyes, he felt some part of his own body ripped away from him and tortured agony filled the empty place.

Merlin would fix this.

Even as the little nagging bits of guilt started to spread throughout his stomach, Merlin easily pushed it aside when he turned the next page and saw the spell he had been so desperately searching for. Without hesitation, and with the fresh images of Arthur in his head, Merlin picked up the book and chanted, “Anfonwch yn ôl i amser, yn anfon yn ôl i'r gofod, dwy awr oddi yno felly atgyweiria lle hwn.” (Welsh translation of “Send back into time, send back into space, two hours thence thus fix this place,” via Google Translator.)

His eyes flashed gold and before he was sucked into the blackness of unconsciousness, Merlin had a sinking suspicion that something had gone exceptionally wrong.

&&&&&
When Merlin peeled his heavy eyelids open, he was instantly aware that he was not in his bed, but inexplicably knew that he was. And really, how did that make sense at all?

His eyes adjusted to the brightness and he quickly took in the familiar sight of the old, battered cupboard in the far corner and the small table in the other. As usual, there were garments scattered over every surface and littered across the floor, and his spell book was lying in a haphazard fashion on the chair beside the bed.

Everything looked right and terribly, terribly wrong all at the same time.

Merlin couldn’t tear his eyes away from the book. There was something so very off about this whole entire situation. He tried to think back to the day before, and it was nothing but a blank spot in his mind. And that was, without a doubt, extremely disconcerting.

Had he been enchanted? Was he currently enchanted? Had he been knocked out while trying to protect Arthur? Had he taken a sleep aiding potion the night before that had, somehow, messed with his memory? Why couldn’t he remember what had happened?

And just like that, understanding with an underlying hint of confusion washed over him in waves and Merlin had never been a fan of the idea of drowning. He sat up quickly, not even realizing he had actually been lying in his bed, and felt his head spin with the sudden change of elevation. It didn’t stop him though, and he shot out of bed. Just as he was reaching for his precious book of magic to try and correct his horrendous error, his door burst open and Gaius was nagging, “Were you planning on lying in bed all day, Merlin? Or did you think you might want to finish working out this issue with the Princess Vivian and Arthur?”

Merlin couldn’t have answered, even if he wanted to, because in the next instant Gaius realized he wasn’t speaking to, well, Merlin. His eyes narrowed and then widened in quick succession, before his mouth fell open in surprise. Merlin was certain he looked like himself (or the self that he would be when Gaius would come barging into his room to manhandle him out of bed) - he ran a hand over his only slightly stubbled cheek just to be sure - but knew that Gaius had enough understanding of magic within him to know that he wasn’t actually Merlin.

Oh boy, this was going to get confusing.

“Merlin?” Gaius asked, leaning forward slightly even as he took a slight step backward, ready to bolt at the first sign of trouble.

Merlin got up from his bed and quickly grabbed up his book, flipping through it as quickly as he could, searching for the spell he knew he needed to get back. At least, he hoped there was a spell that would get him back. In his emotional state, Merlin hadn’t even thought to check if there was a reversal spell, if that was even what he needed.

With his head spinning, Merlin sighed. “Gaius, you’re not going to believe me, and even if you did you’d yell at me, so please know that I am not ignoring you. I just need to go. Now,” he said, his eyes roaming over the pages. There had to be something.

“Merlin, what is going on?” Gaius asked, his hand falling heavy on Merlin’s shoulder and squeezing gently. Merlin stopped his furious scanning for only a moment to look into his eyes. It had been a long time since Merlin had seen this Gaius. The last few years had been hard on him, and his age was starting to show. But seeing him like this - how Merlin would always remember Gaius, no matter what happened in the future - it was encouraging and heartbreaking all at the same time.

“Gaius,” Merlin said and let his head fall forward slightly, his chin tucking into his chest. “I was just trying to fix--” his voice broke and he cleared it. “Something went terribly wrong. I need to get back. I need to fix things.” Merlin felt the tears well in his eyes again and he sniffed, trying to push them back. He couldn’t lose it right now; he had to stay strong and he needed to get back to where he was meant to be: saving Arthur.

Gaius’ hand was steady on his shoulder, but his voice was quiet when he said, “Then let’s get it figured out together.”

*****
“I don’t understand,” Merlin groaned into his hands before rubbing them vigorously against his face. “How is there no reverse spell?”

Gaius shook his head. “Because, Merlin. I hate to lecture you-“ Merlin rolled his eyes, “-but time really isn’t something you should be meddling with.”

Merlin hadn’t told Gaius exactly why he had been trying to go back in time, but he did explain to him that he was only supposed to go back two hours. There had been a little back and forth, Gaius trying to pry the information out of him, and Merlin trying to side-step it as much as possible, before he confessed that he had been exceptionally emotional when he’d said the spell. Gaius had immediately announced that it had been Merlin’s inevitable downfall, as magic was always sensitive to emotions. Merlin had bite back why he hadn’t told him that before, but kept his mouth shut… barely. After all, this wasn’t the time.

Merlin lifted his head enough to meet eyes with Gaius. “I know I can’t tell you everything, Gaius, but you have to understand: I would not have done this had it not been absolutely necessary. You know me better than that.”

But it occurred to Merlin that maybe Gaius didn’t. The Merlin that Gaius knew probably would have meddled with time without much thought. Or at least Gaius would believe that he would. He didn’t know the older, more responsible Merlin.

And even as the thought passed through Merlin’s mind, Gaius’ eyebrow lifted infinitesimally and he said, “I do.”

Merlin, slightly shocked, yet heart full of pride, he nods his head. “Thank you, Gaius.” And then, as he’s pushing back the tears once more, he says, “I don’t know what to do.”

Gaius sighs and, even before the words leave his mouth, Merlin feels the déjà vu creep up his spine: “Find someone who does.”

*****
“There is no magic that can break this enchantment.”

“There must be.”

“It has too great a hold.”

“I cannot let Arthur die!”

“Patience young, warlock. The solution lies in a force greater than you or I can understand. A force that has puzzled many minds.”

“Please, I have very little time.”

“A force-“

“Just tell me!”

The dragon chuckled, “Why, it is the greatest force of all... love.”

*****
Merlin came back to Gaius and repeated exactly what the dragon had told him. His brow was deeply furrowed; even though the dragon had instantly recognized Merlin as his future self, the conversation had been eerily the same as it had been the first time. And knowing what Merlin knew - knowing that Arthur’s true love at this time was not exactly his true love in the future - it was exceptionally disconcerting. What was he supposed to do?

Gaius looked up from the book he was studying and squinted slightly. “It’s obvious then,” he said. “Arthur needs your help.”

“You forget, Gaius, I do not think that Arthur needs me.”

Gaius shook his head. “Merlin, don't worry. I know.”

“You know what?” Merlin asked, his eyes wide, the déjà vu gnawing at his stomach and screaming, This is wrong, even though it felt more right than he’d like to admit.

“Everything,” Gaius responded, closing the book and staring into Merlin’s eyes. “Anyone who spends five minutes with you can see how you feel about each other. Arthur loves you.”

The snort that came out of Merlin was completely undignified. “No, he doesn't.” He continued to ignore the gnawing at his stomach, even as it turned from familiarity to blind hope.

“Trust your feelings and search your heart,” Gaius sighed. “You know who he loves.”

Merlin stared at Gaius as he stood from his chair at the table and started out of the room. Was this it? Was this really what was supposed to happen? Wouldn’t this change the future? If this worked, and Merlin made it back by making this one change to the past, what kind of future would he go back to? Was this why he came back here and not to a simple two hours before the incident?

Gaius turned at the door. “Merlin?”

Merlin broke from his worried reverie and said, “Coming,” before walking after him.

*****
If Merlin said he wasn’t nervous, he’d be lying. He stood outside the tent opening and rubbed his sweaty palms against his worn pants.

“This is insane,” he mumbled to himself. “This isn’t what is supposed to happen.”

Merlin had been through this once before. And being in the situation again, he could remember the first time clearly in his mind. It was melding in a strange and confusing way with this new day; Merlin wanted to shout in frustration, feeling magic thrumming through his anxious body. He couldn’t get past the fact that he knew - knew - that if he did this, if he went through with this change in the past, that the future he was hoping he’d make it back to would be completely different.

Merlin didn’t know if he could do this. He didn’t know if he should. Time was not to be meddled with.

“Go on.” Merlin jumped when Gaius came up behind him. “If you don’t do it now, Arthur will go back out there and lose, Merlin.” Merlin looked over at him, his stomach twisting when he realized that lose meant die.

The emotions that he had been struggling to keep squelched all day threatened to overcome him, and Merlin shamelessly used his magic to push them back down. If this worked, if changing this day got him back to where he was supposed to be, Merlin could spend as much time as he wanted being emotional. He promised himself that. But right now, he needed to try.

Besides, what’s the worst that could happen?

And as if Gaius had heard his thoughts, he turned to look at Merlin and scowled. “Don’t let Arthur’s death come so early.” Merlin frowned. “Go.”

*****
Merlin pushed aside the tent opening and walked inside. Arthur was seated upon a cot and looked worse than Merlin had remembered him looking that day, yet still alive, young and healthy. The lump in Merlin’s throat closed off his airway and he gasped for breath.

Over the years, since Merlin had met Arthur that first time, his feelings for the young prince had gone through a progression of changes: hate, dislike, tolerance, like, admiration, adoration… love. Merlin couldn’t remember the exact moment his love for Arthur turned from friendly to something more, but it had happened. He had never taken that love any further than in his own mind, however, because there had always been Gwen. And even when Gwen had left and went to her true love, Merlin had stayed by his king’s side, but as nothing more than a friend and trusted advisor.

Merlin was certain that when Gwen left, Arthur’s heart had gone with her. But maybe he had read the signs wrong. Maybe the dragon and Gaius were right. Maybe this was where Merlin was supposed to be. Maybe this was what was supposed to happen.

With a sigh, Merlin pushed forward. He’d never know until he tried.

“Ah, Merlin!” Arthur said, good-naturedly. “There you are! Have you come to wish me good luck? I really don't think I need it anymore.”

Merlin shook his head and took another step closer to Arthur. “No, Arthur, I have not come to wish you luck.”

“Well, honestly, that's rather rude,” he replied, a frown on his pretty lips, “and very unlike you, Merlin. I’m disappointed.”

Merlin took a deep breath and walked into Arthur’s space. He looked slightly alarmed, but the enchantment he was under had left him in a happy state of being, so Arthur didn’t pull back. Merlin licked his lips and pressed his body against his, the arms pressing into his body with sharp angles and rough edges. He ignored all of it and concentrated on what he needed to do. “Then let me make amends,” he whispered.

When Merlin leaned forward, their noses bumped uncomfortably together and Arthur pushed away slightly, causing Merlin to clutch at his armor in an awkward fashion that had them stumbling together. But he kept going, because he needed to know - he had to try. And when Merlin’s lips brushed against Arthur’s slightly parted ones, he felt something inside him shift into place. After that, the world was spinning on its axis in a way Merlin was certain was impossible, and he clung to Arthur even tighter.

An arm tentatively wrapped around Merlin’s waist and then tightened in a possessive way. Merlin let his lips slide against Arthur’s gently, memorizing the contrast of his smoother upper lip and his chapped lower one. His hand left Arthur’s battle-worn armor and slipped into his sweaty hair, pulling gently at the ends, and heard a soft moan deep in Arthur’s throat. It gave Merlin the push to bite at his bottom lip, before sliding his tongue against it to sooth the pain.

As the world continued to spin in a dizzying way, Arthur tried to pull Merlin closer to his body, but was hindered by the armor. Merlin felt his toes curl when he did the next best thing, and slipped his knee between Merlin’s legs and pressed upward. Merlin’s answering groan opened his mouth slightly and Arthur took full advantage by licking inside his mouth and tasting the back of his teeth, the roof of his mouth, his tongue.

A whirl of emotions ran through Merlin and he felt magic tingling at his fingertips. Nothing had ever felt so amazing, and he was just starting to wonder why he hadn’t done this sooner, when the ground beneath him jolted. Arthur pulled away from Merlin, but only barely, and he instantly missed the contact. He went to seek Arthur’s mouth again, hoping that maybe they could take things further, when he realized they were no longer in the tent.

Merlin looked around, confused and shaken, to see that they were, in fact, in Arthur’s room. In his present time.

He gasped, “It worked.” He wanted to cry, he was so happy. This really was what was supposed to happen! Merlin took a shaky breath and chuckled lightly, his forehead resting against Arthur’s without thinking. “I can’t believe it worked.”

Firm fingers brushed over Merlin’s bare back and he shivered when Arthur’s breath tickled his cheek. “What worked?”

And just that quickly, Merlin pulled back and looked into Arthur’s happy, blue eyes. He had made it back to where he wanted to be in the first place. He was here to warn Arthur, because even though the past had been changed and now his future, Arthur was still in his armor and Merlin could hear the sounds of war preparation outside. The battle was still coming and Arthur could still die.

No! Merlin thought, his mind racing. No, Arthur would live, because Merlin was ready. It was not Arthur’s destiny to die now. It was not their destiny to lose each other now that they were finally together.

Merlin shook his head, his heart warmed and full for the first time in a long time. “Nothing,” he said, his lips brushing against Arthur’s. “Just, do be careful.”

Arthur tried to pull Merlin into another kiss, but stopped when he saw the serious look in Merlin’s eyes. “I’m always careful.”

Merlin smiled and set his hand gently against Arthur’s cheek, stroking. “You are. Just... live for me, Arthur. That's all I ask right now.”

Arthur nodded, kissed Merlin once more and walked from the room. Merlin watched him go, his heart beating a mile a minute, before he shook his head and followed him out.

character: gaius, fandom: merlin, rating: pg-13, prompt: merlin_holidays, character: arthur, character: merlin, category: oneshot, ship: arthur/merlin

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