Things I have learned from watching Bollywood (so far)
1. Anupam Kher (the dad from Bend It Like Beckham) is in practically everything.
2. Most houses appear to have a wind machine (this may possibly be a fan - which is ok for scenes set in India, but a bit daft for those in Britain).
3. Touching someone’s foot is a mark of respect.
4. Stunts/risky bits are generally appallingly segued to - stunt doubles are used, but not very well blended in.
5. While singing and lip synching are done beautifully, miming playing instruments is generally not very successful.
6. Flashbacks in time aren’t particularly accurate - often in terms of dress, business, technology, etc. But who cares if it gets in the way of a good story.
7. Vermillion is worn in the hair parting to show that the woman is married.
8. India has ski resorts! Seriously, in the Himalayas there are places to ski - Shimla for example, which was apparently the summer playground of the British Raj.
9. Nautanki, a form of folk theatre, was a popular entertainment in north India before the rise of the cinema, and continues today.
10. Often there’s a dream sequence, which features exotically beautiful locations. Or a rainy priory in Scotland.
11. Labour the point at least five times, until you’ve squeezed every possible drop of emotion out of any given situation. Then labour it some more, just in case there’s someone at the back who still hasn’t got it - after all, there must be some buttocks that aren’t completely numb just yet (films are at least 2 hours long, if not much much longer).
12. Once you get used to the no snogging bit, it’s actually kind of cool. Very sexy and sensual, and the actors use their body language to convey far more subtle attraction than the usual tonsil hockey default setting. And there are sorts of kisses - necks, cheeks, legs etc - just not lips to lips.
13. At the feast of Karva Chauth (look it up), women look at their husband’s faces through a sieve.
14. Pulling on your ears means you’re sorry. Who knew!
15. Christianity is far more ingrained in India that I’d initially thought - I’d estimated about a handful of churches left over from the British Raj period, but there’s loads more in evidence. Or maybe it’s just the films I’ve seen so far.
16. Single, unattached men can be affectionate to and play with children without any fear of public censorship, it appears. I think this is lovely. Men also seem to be allowed to cry without losing masculinity. I approve of this too.
17. There’s not a lot of variety in names used for characters. If you’re called Rahul, Rohan, Anjali, Pooja, Priya, and Raj, you appear to be extremely common. Confusing if you’re watching with a four year old though,
18. A thirty year old man, even if he’s playing someone ten years younger in a flashback, looks daft on a skateboard.
19. Hrithik Roshan is one of the most beautiful dancers I’ve ever seen
20. Nobody makes anything out of small aubergines
2. Most houses appear to have a wind machine (this may possibly be a fan - which is ok for scenes set in India, but a bit daft for those in Britain).
3. Touching someone’s foot is a mark of respect.
4. Stunts/risky bits are generally appallingly segued to - stunt doubles are used, but not very well blended in.
5. While singing and lip synching are done beautifully, miming playing instruments is generally not very successful.
6. Flashbacks in time aren’t particularly accurate - often in terms of dress, business, technology, etc. But who cares if it gets in the way of a good story.
7. Vermillion is worn in the hair parting to show that the woman is married.
8. India has ski resorts! Seriously, in the Himalayas there are places to ski - Shimla for example, which was apparently the summer playground of the British Raj.
9. Nautanki, a form of folk theatre, was a popular entertainment in north India before the rise of the cinema, and continues today.
10. Often there’s a dream sequence, which features exotically beautiful locations. Or a rainy priory in Scotland.
11. Labour the point at least five times, until you’ve squeezed every possible drop of emotion out of any given situation. Then labour it some more, just in case there’s someone at the back who still hasn’t got it - after all, there must be some buttocks that aren’t completely numb just yet (films are at least 2 hours long, if not much much longer).
12. Once you get used to the no snogging bit, it’s actually kind of cool. Very sexy and sensual, and the actors use their body language to convey far more subtle attraction than the usual tonsil hockey default setting. And there are sorts of kisses - necks, cheeks, legs etc - just not lips to lips.
13. At the feast of Karva Chauth (look it up), women look at their husband’s faces through a sieve.
14. Pulling on your ears means you’re sorry. Who knew!
15. Christianity is far more ingrained in India that I’d initially thought - I’d estimated about a handful of churches left over from the British Raj period, but there’s loads more in evidence. Or maybe it’s just the films I’ve seen so far.
16. Single, unattached men can be affectionate to and play with children without any fear of public censorship, it appears. I think this is lovely. Men also seem to be allowed to cry without losing masculinity. I approve of this too.
17. There’s not a lot of variety in names used for characters. If you’re called Rahul, Rohan, Anjali, Pooja, Priya, and Raj, you appear to be extremely common. Confusing if you’re watching with a four year old though,
18. A thirty year old man, even if he’s playing someone ten years younger in a flashback, looks daft on a skateboard.
19. Hrithik Roshan is one of the most beautiful dancers I’ve ever seen
20. Nobody makes anything out of small aubergines