(no subject)
Am finally calm enough to write in here exactly what happened on Wednesday this week, having spent about 36 hours in a rather shakey and near-tearful-at-times state.
Wednesday morning, at toddler group, I was accused of grabbing and shaking somebody else's child.
Of course I didn't do it. Everyone who knows me will know that I couldn't do it to a child. But the accusation is there, and it's horrible.
My version of events is this:
Nushie and small boy, at clearing up time, are fighting over a small bag of something, in the way that toddlers will do - if someone else has something you automatically want it yourself. They were pulling it between themselves and shouting at each other. Small boy manages to rip the bag from Nushie's grasp, then proceeds to whirl it through the air and whack her round the head with it. Nushie dissolves into tears.
I race in. Grab the bag to stop small boy using it as a weapon again. It appears to be full of quite hard objects - possibly marbles or something, so it's understandable that Nushie is crying. I say "That's very naughty!", and turn to Verity having put the bag down.
Mother of small boy then rushes over, says "I can tell off my own child, thank you". And drags him off. I say "sorry", and attend to Nushie who is still crying, rock her on my knee. A couple of other mums come over and say things like "Is she all right?", "Is everything all right?", and I of course say that it's fine, because I know my child and she'll be as right as rain once the shock's worn off.
Once Nushie is sorted out, I start continuing to pick up toys, as I had been when all this occurred.
The next thing I know, I'm faced with a round faced blonde woman, not the mother of the child, but one of her friends.
"You shouldn't have shaken that boy!!" she says forcefully.
My reaction is of course WTF?!? I didn't touch the child. My instinct was to still the weapon, and then attend to my own child once he couldn't hurt her any longer. If the tips of my fingers caught his hand on stopping the bag in the air, that's the nearest I got to touching him. I certainly didn't grab his arm and shake him, which is what this woman is repeating to me now.
I of course protest my innocence, but it's clear she doesn't believe me, and she gives me a horrible snide look that seems to say "I know you're lying", and turns away saying nothing further.
I get other looks from other mothers over the following minutes, so small boy's mother has clearly been telling her side of things (which she can't have even seen, given I didn't actually touch him) to anyone who'll listen.
Matters are not helped by Nushie now being all smiles and shrieks and running around like a loonie, and small boy still wailing and clinging to his mother.
I explode at the group organiser, who is putting toys away in the store cupboard, saying I've just been accused of shaking someone else's child. "Well, did you?" he says. "Of course not! I didn't touch him."
I stomp off to collect a cup of coffee, trying to work out what the hell is going on. My mate C is grim faced by the coffee table, and has clearly overheard what's being said about me by some of the other mums. She says she'll talk to me about it later. Another nice mum, whose name I don't even know, approaches me and talks to me and asks if I'm all right "Not really, no..."
I protest and insist on my innocence, and this nice mum does believe me. She disappears, and I see her talking to the boy's mother, obviously making an attempt to sort things out on my behalf.
I gave it a minute or two to let that attempt sink in, and then approach the mother myself. I insist that I did not touch her son, and I certainly didn't shake him. She says she believes me, as does her round face blonde mate (who this time apologises), and says that it looked like I had from her perspective. I don't see that she could have been watching very closely, in that case.
C and I then leave with our kids (small boy still wailing), and head to Sainsbury's where we hash the entire lot out over the kids clothes area.
But bloody hell though. For fuck's sake!!!
If you think you've seen something untoward, challenge the perpetrator, don't spread nasty vicious spiteful things around a group of people.
I didn't touch her child. My concern was to stop my daughter being hit, so I removed the object she was being hit with.
In a group situation like that, with 30 or so toddlers running around all over the place, it's hard to keep them in your sight for more than 10 seconds at a time, particularly if you're chatting to your mates on the sidelines like we all do. If you are bringing your child to a group situation, you have to trust that every adult in that group will do some sort of parenting to your child, even if it's only looking out for them. And that they will do it in a way that will not hurt any child.
For me, me of all bloody people, to be accused of something like that is madness.
But the accusation is there. I am so hurt by it its unbelieveable. Every time I close my eyes at the moment I see that blonde woman's face making that accusation. I shook until Wednesday evening.
I am concerned that when I go back to this group (and I have to go back, if I don't it'll look like I'm guilty), that there will be people who didn't see the resolvement of the matter. That I will be watched like a hawk in case I do something else to someone else's child. That if I go near someone else's child again another action might be misinterpretted. That perhaps it was just safer to let Nushie be hit, and suffer.
I spoke to the organiser on the phone yesterday. Talked about what happened and how awful I feel about it.
Wondered if he wanted to do anything for group healing, or would he be prepared for me to stand on a chair next week and talk in more general terms about how we should all trust each other to treat each other's children with respect, but be able to break up problems should they occur.
His response was to quote a verse of the Bible about wrath, (which isn't the point) advise me to keep my head down and it will all blow over, and tell me that he's praying for me.
I want a physical response to this, not a metaphysical one.
Wednesday morning, at toddler group, I was accused of grabbing and shaking somebody else's child.
Of course I didn't do it. Everyone who knows me will know that I couldn't do it to a child. But the accusation is there, and it's horrible.
My version of events is this:
Nushie and small boy, at clearing up time, are fighting over a small bag of something, in the way that toddlers will do - if someone else has something you automatically want it yourself. They were pulling it between themselves and shouting at each other. Small boy manages to rip the bag from Nushie's grasp, then proceeds to whirl it through the air and whack her round the head with it. Nushie dissolves into tears.
I race in. Grab the bag to stop small boy using it as a weapon again. It appears to be full of quite hard objects - possibly marbles or something, so it's understandable that Nushie is crying. I say "That's very naughty!", and turn to Verity having put the bag down.
Mother of small boy then rushes over, says "I can tell off my own child, thank you". And drags him off. I say "sorry", and attend to Nushie who is still crying, rock her on my knee. A couple of other mums come over and say things like "Is she all right?", "Is everything all right?", and I of course say that it's fine, because I know my child and she'll be as right as rain once the shock's worn off.
Once Nushie is sorted out, I start continuing to pick up toys, as I had been when all this occurred.
The next thing I know, I'm faced with a round faced blonde woman, not the mother of the child, but one of her friends.
"You shouldn't have shaken that boy!!" she says forcefully.
My reaction is of course WTF?!? I didn't touch the child. My instinct was to still the weapon, and then attend to my own child once he couldn't hurt her any longer. If the tips of my fingers caught his hand on stopping the bag in the air, that's the nearest I got to touching him. I certainly didn't grab his arm and shake him, which is what this woman is repeating to me now.
I of course protest my innocence, but it's clear she doesn't believe me, and she gives me a horrible snide look that seems to say "I know you're lying", and turns away saying nothing further.
I get other looks from other mothers over the following minutes, so small boy's mother has clearly been telling her side of things (which she can't have even seen, given I didn't actually touch him) to anyone who'll listen.
Matters are not helped by Nushie now being all smiles and shrieks and running around like a loonie, and small boy still wailing and clinging to his mother.
I explode at the group organiser, who is putting toys away in the store cupboard, saying I've just been accused of shaking someone else's child. "Well, did you?" he says. "Of course not! I didn't touch him."
I stomp off to collect a cup of coffee, trying to work out what the hell is going on. My mate C is grim faced by the coffee table, and has clearly overheard what's being said about me by some of the other mums. She says she'll talk to me about it later. Another nice mum, whose name I don't even know, approaches me and talks to me and asks if I'm all right "Not really, no..."
I protest and insist on my innocence, and this nice mum does believe me. She disappears, and I see her talking to the boy's mother, obviously making an attempt to sort things out on my behalf.
I gave it a minute or two to let that attempt sink in, and then approach the mother myself. I insist that I did not touch her son, and I certainly didn't shake him. She says she believes me, as does her round face blonde mate (who this time apologises), and says that it looked like I had from her perspective. I don't see that she could have been watching very closely, in that case.
C and I then leave with our kids (small boy still wailing), and head to Sainsbury's where we hash the entire lot out over the kids clothes area.
But bloody hell though. For fuck's sake!!!
If you think you've seen something untoward, challenge the perpetrator, don't spread nasty vicious spiteful things around a group of people.
I didn't touch her child. My concern was to stop my daughter being hit, so I removed the object she was being hit with.
In a group situation like that, with 30 or so toddlers running around all over the place, it's hard to keep them in your sight for more than 10 seconds at a time, particularly if you're chatting to your mates on the sidelines like we all do. If you are bringing your child to a group situation, you have to trust that every adult in that group will do some sort of parenting to your child, even if it's only looking out for them. And that they will do it in a way that will not hurt any child.
For me, me of all bloody people, to be accused of something like that is madness.
But the accusation is there. I am so hurt by it its unbelieveable. Every time I close my eyes at the moment I see that blonde woman's face making that accusation. I shook until Wednesday evening.
I am concerned that when I go back to this group (and I have to go back, if I don't it'll look like I'm guilty), that there will be people who didn't see the resolvement of the matter. That I will be watched like a hawk in case I do something else to someone else's child. That if I go near someone else's child again another action might be misinterpretted. That perhaps it was just safer to let Nushie be hit, and suffer.
I spoke to the organiser on the phone yesterday. Talked about what happened and how awful I feel about it.
Wondered if he wanted to do anything for group healing, or would he be prepared for me to stand on a chair next week and talk in more general terms about how we should all trust each other to treat each other's children with respect, but be able to break up problems should they occur.
His response was to quote a verse of the Bible about wrath, (which isn't the point) advise me to keep my head down and it will all blow over, and tell me that he's praying for me.
I want a physical response to this, not a metaphysical one.