(no subject)
You Know You Are A True Pennsylvanian when:
1. "Vacation" means going up north past I-80 for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave all the doors unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and do your female passengers know how to use them.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and construction.
12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a concrete statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
15. Down South to you means MORGANTOWN WV.
16. You find 20 degrees "a little chilly."
17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new Ford F150.
18. You go out to fish fry every Friday and bingo every Wednesday.
19. Your 4TH of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
21. You only own three spices: salt, pepper, ketchup.
22. You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.
23. You have an uncontrollable urge to buy bread and milk when you hear the word "snow."
24. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
25. You owe more money on your snowmobile or John Deere than your car.
26. The first day of "Buck Season" and "Doe Season" is a school holiday.
27. School closings due to snow take the radio stations a half an hour to finish, because just about every town has its own school district.
28. You call sloppy joes "barbecue."
29. When it snows, they put cinders on the roads instead of sand.
30. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
31. You only buy your beer and soda by the case.
32. You think the roads in any other state are smooth.
33. You know that by law, you can't buy a car on a Sunday.
34. Hearing horses clopping down a paved street doesn't bring you to the window to see what's going on outside.
35. You think "medium rare" equals "well done."
36. You know the time and location of every "Wing Night" in a 20 mile radius.
37. You consider an exotic vacation a trip to Virginia Beach or Myrtle Beach.
38. Words like "hoagie," "chipped ham," and "pop" actually mean something to you.
39. You have never referred to Pennsylvania as anyhing but "PA" (pronounced Pee-ay).
40. You have never referred to Philadelphia as anything but "Philly."
41. You have never referred to New Jersey as anything but "Jersey."
42. You know who "Punxsutawney Phil" is, and what it means if he sees his shadow.
43. The first day of buck and the first day of doe season always been school holidays in your town.
44. You can you use the phrase "fire hall reception" and not even bat an eye.
45. At least five people on your block have electric "candles" in all or most of their windows all year long?
46. You know what a "hex sign" is.
47. You know what a "State Store" is, and your out of state friends find it incredulous that you can't purchase liquor at the mini-mart.
48. Words like "hoagy", "crick", "chipped ham", "sticky buns", "shoo-fly pie", "pierogies" actually mean something to you.
49. You eat cold pizza (even for breakfast) and know others who do the same? (Those from NY find this "barbaric)
50. You have not only heard of Birch Beer, but know it comes in several colors: Red, White, Brown, Gold.
51. You know several places to purchase or that serve Scrapple, Summer Sausage, Lebanon Bologna, Ring Bologna and Hot Bacon Dressing.
52. You can eat a cold soft pretzel from a street vendor without fear and enjoy it.
53. You know the difference between a cheese steak and a pizza steak sandwich, and know that you can't get a really good one outside PA.
54. You live for summer, when street and county fairs signal the beginning of funnel cake season.
55. You know Blue Ball, Intercourse, Climax, Bird-In-Hand, Beaver, Moon, Virginville, Paradise, Mars, and Slippery Rock are PA towns.
56. You know what a township, borough, and commonwealth is. (At least you vaguely remember.)
57. You can identify drivers from New York, New Jersey, or other neighboring states by their unique and irritating driving habits.
58. You have been in a traffic jam in Lancaster County (Or you know that a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a horse-drawn carriage on the highway.)
59. You have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.
60. You still keep kitty litter, starting fluid, or a snow brush in your trunk, even if you live in the south.
61. As a kid you built snow forts and leaf piles that were taller than you were.
62. Your graduating class consist of mostly Polish, German, and Italian names.
63. "Yous Guys" a perfectly acceptable reference to a groups of men and women.
64. You know how to respond to the question "Djeetyet."
65. You know how to pronounce Bryn Mawr, Wilkes-Barre, Schuylkill, Bala Cynwyd, Monongahela, and Llanerch.
66. You consider it a sport to sit in a tree stand all day long with a bow or a gun just to put food in your freezer.
67. You're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Bradford is the coldest spot in the nation.
68. Your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March.
69. You instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year.
70. You have worn shorts, sunglasses and a parka at the same time.
71. Your town has an equal number of bars and churches.
Pennsylvania Driving Rules
1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same drivers to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.
2. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Pennsylvanian never uses them. Use of turn signals in Philadelphia may be illegal.
3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
4. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow."
5. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
6. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. Pennsylvania is a no-fault insurance state and the other driver has nothing to lose.
7. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
8. Construction signs warn you about road closures immediately after you pass the last exit before the backup.
9. The new electric warning system signs are not there to provide useful information. They are only there to make Pennsylvania look high-tech and to distract you from seeing the State Police radar car parked on the median.
10. Never pass on the left whan you can pass on the right.
11. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforcible during rush hour.
12. Just because you are in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Pennsylvania driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
13. Please remember that Pennsylvania is the KEYSTONE State, named so for a reason. Try to stay on the road.
14. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident, or even if someone is just changing a tire.
15. Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the landscape and gives Adopt-a-Highway crews something to do.
16. It is assumed that State Police cars passing at high speed may be followed in the event you need to make up a few minutes in your travel.
17. Learn to swerve abruptly. Pennsylvania is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to PENNDOT, which places potholes in various locations to test drivers' reflexes.
18. It is a tradition in Pennsylvania to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
19. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way, except in Philadelphia where it acts as an invitation to duel or play chicken.
20. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.
21. Remember that the goal of every Pennsylvania driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
22. Its ok to do makeup and balance the checkbook at seventy-five miles per hour during a snowstorm in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
23. Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way of ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.
http://www.pahighways.com/humor.html
1. "Vacation" means going up north past I-80 for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave all the doors unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and do your female passengers know how to use them.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and construction.
12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a concrete statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
15. Down South to you means MORGANTOWN WV.
16. You find 20 degrees "a little chilly."
17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new Ford F150.
18. You go out to fish fry every Friday and bingo every Wednesday.
19. Your 4TH of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
21. You only own three spices: salt, pepper, ketchup.
22. You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.
23. You have an uncontrollable urge to buy bread and milk when you hear the word "snow."
24. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie.
25. You owe more money on your snowmobile or John Deere than your car.
26. The first day of "Buck Season" and "Doe Season" is a school holiday.
27. School closings due to snow take the radio stations a half an hour to finish, because just about every town has its own school district.
28. You call sloppy joes "barbecue."
29. When it snows, they put cinders on the roads instead of sand.
30. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
31. You only buy your beer and soda by the case.
32. You think the roads in any other state are smooth.
33. You know that by law, you can't buy a car on a Sunday.
34. Hearing horses clopping down a paved street doesn't bring you to the window to see what's going on outside.
35. You think "medium rare" equals "well done."
36. You know the time and location of every "Wing Night" in a 20 mile radius.
37. You consider an exotic vacation a trip to Virginia Beach or Myrtle Beach.
38. Words like "hoagie," "chipped ham," and "pop" actually mean something to you.
39. You have never referred to Pennsylvania as anyhing but "PA" (pronounced Pee-ay).
40. You have never referred to Philadelphia as anything but "Philly."
41. You have never referred to New Jersey as anything but "Jersey."
42. You know who "Punxsutawney Phil" is, and what it means if he sees his shadow.
43. The first day of buck and the first day of doe season always been school holidays in your town.
44. You can you use the phrase "fire hall reception" and not even bat an eye.
45. At least five people on your block have electric "candles" in all or most of their windows all year long?
46. You know what a "hex sign" is.
47. You know what a "State Store" is, and your out of state friends find it incredulous that you can't purchase liquor at the mini-mart.
48. Words like "hoagy", "crick", "chipped ham", "sticky buns", "shoo-fly pie", "pierogies" actually mean something to you.
49. You eat cold pizza (even for breakfast) and know others who do the same? (Those from NY find this "barbaric)
50. You have not only heard of Birch Beer, but know it comes in several colors: Red, White, Brown, Gold.
51. You know several places to purchase or that serve Scrapple, Summer Sausage, Lebanon Bologna, Ring Bologna and Hot Bacon Dressing.
52. You can eat a cold soft pretzel from a street vendor without fear and enjoy it.
53. You know the difference between a cheese steak and a pizza steak sandwich, and know that you can't get a really good one outside PA.
54. You live for summer, when street and county fairs signal the beginning of funnel cake season.
55. You know Blue Ball, Intercourse, Climax, Bird-In-Hand, Beaver, Moon, Virginville, Paradise, Mars, and Slippery Rock are PA towns.
56. You know what a township, borough, and commonwealth is. (At least you vaguely remember.)
57. You can identify drivers from New York, New Jersey, or other neighboring states by their unique and irritating driving habits.
58. You have been in a traffic jam in Lancaster County (Or you know that a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a horse-drawn carriage on the highway.)
59. You have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number.
60. You still keep kitty litter, starting fluid, or a snow brush in your trunk, even if you live in the south.
61. As a kid you built snow forts and leaf piles that were taller than you were.
62. Your graduating class consist of mostly Polish, German, and Italian names.
63. "Yous Guys" a perfectly acceptable reference to a groups of men and women.
64. You know how to respond to the question "Djeetyet."
65. You know how to pronounce Bryn Mawr, Wilkes-Barre, Schuylkill, Bala Cynwyd, Monongahela, and Llanerch.
66. You consider it a sport to sit in a tree stand all day long with a bow or a gun just to put food in your freezer.
67. You're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Bradford is the coldest spot in the nation.
68. Your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March.
69. You instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year.
70. You have worn shorts, sunglasses and a parka at the same time.
71. Your town has an equal number of bars and churches.
Pennsylvania Driving Rules
1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same drivers to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels.
2. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Pennsylvanian never uses them. Use of turn signals in Philadelphia may be illegal.
3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
4. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow."
5. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
6. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. Pennsylvania is a no-fault insurance state and the other driver has nothing to lose.
7. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
8. Construction signs warn you about road closures immediately after you pass the last exit before the backup.
9. The new electric warning system signs are not there to provide useful information. They are only there to make Pennsylvania look high-tech and to distract you from seeing the State Police radar car parked on the median.
10. Never pass on the left whan you can pass on the right.
11. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and are apparently not enforcible during rush hour.
12. Just because you are in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Pennsylvania driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
13. Please remember that Pennsylvania is the KEYSTONE State, named so for a reason. Try to stay on the road.
14. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident, or even if someone is just changing a tire.
15. Throwing litter on the roads adds variety to the landscape and gives Adopt-a-Highway crews something to do.
16. It is assumed that State Police cars passing at high speed may be followed in the event you need to make up a few minutes in your travel.
17. Learn to swerve abruptly. Pennsylvania is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to PENNDOT, which places potholes in various locations to test drivers' reflexes.
18. It is a tradition in Pennsylvania to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.
19. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way, except in Philadelphia where it acts as an invitation to duel or play chicken.
20. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.
21. Remember that the goal of every Pennsylvania driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
22. Its ok to do makeup and balance the checkbook at seventy-five miles per hour during a snowstorm in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
23. Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way of ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.
http://www.pahighways.com/humor.html