enjoy it while it lasts
update: despite being so completely fucked over regarding my car situation and other stresses, i still feel stupid happy most of the time. how freaking great is that?
edit:seeing as how i pretty much write this for my own potential reflection, i will comment.
i just had a horrible thought. and the worst part of it is that the thought, the act, is completely realistic and inevitable. these kinds of things aren't meant to last. distance does not make the fucking heart grow fonder. that is such a lie. and i know this and i know it will all end with my heart shattered into a gazillion pieces with me lying on the floor in my own tears. and i'm getting too excited too fast about something that can never, ever, ever work. i try to tell myself just to enjoy it while it lasts, but then i get realistic again. my life is so empty and to have something this great to fill it is amazing. but i know it can't last and i start to get sad even before the end comes. i almost feel like self destructing at times. so i can be the one to walk away. but i guess where would that get me? i'd be alone anyway with a big regret looking over my shoulder. man, why can't things just fucking work??!!
edit:seeing as how i pretty much write this for my own potential reflection, i will comment.
i just had a horrible thought. and the worst part of it is that the thought, the act, is completely realistic and inevitable. these kinds of things aren't meant to last. distance does not make the fucking heart grow fonder. that is such a lie. and i know this and i know it will all end with my heart shattered into a gazillion pieces with me lying on the floor in my own tears. and i'm getting too excited too fast about something that can never, ever, ever work. i try to tell myself just to enjoy it while it lasts, but then i get realistic again. my life is so empty and to have something this great to fill it is amazing. but i know it can't last and i start to get sad even before the end comes. i almost feel like self destructing at times. so i can be the one to walk away. but i guess where would that get me? i'd be alone anyway with a big regret looking over my shoulder. man, why can't things just fucking work??!!