Closing a chapter of my life
I always did regret how things turned out between me and Arch. I mean, we had a good relationship for awhile. And then the relationship ended and we didn't notice. And in all reality, we should have broken up then. Everything bad that happened between us was basically because we were too slow to notice that we weren't in love anymore
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Years ago, I thought of her as a friend. I'm trying to remember why, but I can't. Presumably there was some talking about music or anime or manga. Some good times. And yeah, there were times when she was fun to talk to - probably a good percentage of the time, really.
But then there were the times when she ranted endlessly about beauty products or some other shit I couldn't care less about. Or some drama series. Or a dozen other things. But did I say anything? No. I sighed and endured.
There were occasions when I wanted to try talking about something other than the aforementioned stuff, or gossip. I do, after all, have other interests, and she clearly expected me to show an interest in hers. But that always led to her acting disgusted, and changing the subject to something she wanted to talk about. I took that shit with a smile.
I provided a shoulder to cry on through endless bad times, being a constant source of support. Thought nothing of it. After all, what are friends for?
And it worked out just fine - me cheerfully giving and giving, her taking and taking.
Right up until the point when I said something she disagreed with. This was not a clash of opinions - I was right, and she was wrong, definitively. I wasn't being cocky about it. She was trying to tell me how wrong I was, so I responded by pointing out that no, that wasn't the case.
Because I wouldn't admit to being wrong when I wasn't, she went and tattled to you. A person I thought of as a good friend, at the time. And you took her side. Not because she was right, but because she was more important to you. You picked up my discussion with Tachi - where he was asking for advice, and I was giving it to him, telling him he was free to take it or leave it - as your cause too. You know the rest.
So, not only did she flat-out betray me, after everything I'd given her; her stupid bullshit cost me another friend as well.
But I'd overlook all that. If she'd just stay. Out. Of. My. Shit.
All in all, I don't think that's too much to ask.
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I stopped being your friend because you constantly got into things like this with my friends--people you didn't know particularly well. This wasn't a sporadic thing, it was a little too regular for me. I didn't want to put up with it any more, because I don't like drama between friends. I don't like having to choose, but when I have to, I will without blinking, and I won't look back. Our friendship was already strained and probably gone--can you honestly say that I was as close to you at the end as I was before? You claim to have known me so well, but if that were the case, you'd know exactly how much I abhor bullying. The very notion that I was bullying Peter caused me to look back on what I was doing--and yes, I was. I still feel bad about that, and I still feel a little sick inside thinking about how I ended up acting like that towards somebody else.
It wasn't Sarah that killed our friendship, it was me. I got sick of your attitude and how you treated other people, so I decided to mercy-kill the damn thing.
There's a reason the phrase "agree to disagree" ends so many arguments. I think global warming is bullshit. I think environmentalism in general is a crock. I think Canada needs to actually do something on the stage of history (I've always wanted to phrase it like that) before they act all smug about how retarded our 43rd president was. These are all things that have led Sarah and I to get into fights, but simply being able to call it quits, even though I feel I'm 100% right on every single one of these, allows me to keep a friendship I cherish.
I don't really care about bath products, or the dramas Sarah's watching. She knows these aren't all that interesting to me, although I have to admit that I praise the fucking day that Sarah introduced me to that vanilla yogurt body wash. However, because she's my friend, I listen and try and converse despite my limited knowledge because she does the exact same thing to me for shit she doesn't care about: action movies and sports and martial arts and whatever I decide to inundate her with that day. That's what friends do. Honestly I don't think Sarah or Charles or Kevin cares as much as I do that Street Fighter IV is coming out, but they know it makes me happy, and being my friends, they'll put on a smile and put up with me orgasming all over them, because that's what friends do. It's not how much they care about my interests, it's about how they try to care about my interests. There were plenty of times Sarah would ask me questions to try and better understand whatever the hell it was you were talking about to her at the time, but she tried, man. She tried, but it's not like it fucking mattered in the end, I guess.
But hey, it's up to her whether she wants to stay out of your shit or not. My guess is yes, but I mean, damn, dude... sometimes it's your fault when someone doesn't want to be friends with you. I've driven people away too, and it wasn't always intentional. It sucks, but that's why you learn from it and try not to do that to other people. Friendship's all I have--I don't have brothers or sisters to cry to, I just have friends.
They're not a commodity.
Maybe this is why you keep losing us--because you're so intent on proving that you're right, that your opinions are the only ones that hold any water, because all of us are fallacious fucksticks. The only people you still like are the ones who hang on your every word and agree with what you say, because if we disagree with you then WOE TO THE DAMNED for we're well and fucked. You don't talk to your friends like they're equals--you talk to them like they're an audience, and not a particularly bright one at that.
Try giving respect sometime instead of expecting people to earn it. A smile is better than a smirk any day of the goddamn week.
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I repeatedly voiced a desire to end this, or at least take it someplace else, and yet here we are, airing our dirty laundry in the LJ of one of the very few people whose opinion I still give a shit about from those days. Because you pressed the issue. You could not let it die, or even take it someplace else. Do you see the irony here?
All I really want from you people is to be left alone. I don't care if we ever post in the same place, just keep your mouths shut about me, and it will be cool. Failing that, be civil and don't start shit with me, and I'll return the favor. See above, where Terrant posted in response to me? If I was looking for it, I could definitely take some offense to the implied criticism in the opening sentence, but I chose not to. And you know what I think of Terrant. If he and I can peacefully co-exist, the problem just might not be all me.
One last thing, before is discussion is completely over. This is Kat's LJ. I don't know if you, Mooo, remember what my friendship with Kat's been like over the years. Not exactly the most stable thing in the world. We've been at each other's throats more than once. But today I think of her as one of my very best friends. We disagree on a lot of things, and we both have lots of interests that aren't mutual, but still. I enjoy her company and respect her opinion enough that when rough patches hit, it's worthwhile to work through them. So I do know what that's all about. The fact that she's blaming me for this mess is a bit hurtful, but whatever. Here's the essential bit.
When I say that it's time to take the fight somewhere else, I fucking mean it. I did not want to burden Kat with our shit. If this ends up happening again, you will listen to me when I tell you so. If you make me upset my friends again, you'll see me really angry for the first time.
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I'm not going to leave what apparently you think of as your internet just so you don't have to see me around. Just ignore me if I disgust you so much.
Nate decided to drop it as soon as Kat asked you both to, and it would have been nice if you could have done the same. I thought that since the argument was about me I could do one reply and then let it go.
Now, Kat, your friend, has asked you to stop it, so please don't respond. Just pretend I'm not here from now on and we'll all be happy.
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Fuck, this had nothing to do with either of you. Ren, seriously, take the petty hate to a different place. It's just not relevant. Sarah is still on my friends list. There's a reason for that. Mostly because I don't care if you dislike her, because I have nothing against her.
This means she has a right to post her opinion in my LJ. Without being attacked.
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