Where Can I Go When I Want You Around;; But I Can't Stand To Be Around You
The following is allegedly an actual question given in a University
of Washington chemistry mid-term exam.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's
Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or
some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So
we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and
the rate at which they are leaving. I think we can safely assume
that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no
souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the
different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these
religions state that if you are not a member of their faith, you
will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions
and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can
reliably project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate
of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in
order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same,
the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my freshman
year that, "it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with
you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last
night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is
exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls,leaving only
Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being, which
explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God!"
(Allegedly this student received the only A.)
of Washington chemistry mid-term exam.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's
Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or
some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So
we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and
the rate at which they are leaving. I think we can safely assume
that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no
souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the
different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these
religions state that if you are not a member of their faith, you
will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions
and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can
reliably project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of
souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate
of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in
order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same,
the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase
until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell
freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my freshman
year that, "it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with
you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last
night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is
exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls,leaving only
Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being, which
explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God!"
(Allegedly this student received the only A.)