Cross-posted to garo_d.
Title: Their own poor dreams
Summary: The thing about Kouga is that he isn't entirely human anymore. But he isn't something else, either.
Author's Notes: Set after the movie, when Kaoru is back from Italy. Title from Rupert Brooke's Love.
There are things Kouga isn't good at. He still fails to comprehend Kaoru's insistence on a normal life -- Kouga has never had a paying job in his life. He has never needed one, nor had time to waste from his duty. -- or Rei's occasional forays into the city for nothing more than a day out.
He isn't good at telling them that he wants them to be happy and that he needs them to stay with him. He isn't good at telling them that they are why he still fights, now that Kouga has all the answers for his father's death.
That they mean something. They're part of him. Or he's part of them.
Kaoru makes him human. Kaoru is everything that Kouga left behind and cut out of himself. The pieces that he could not keep and be a Makai Knight worthy of his father's title.
Kaoru is the part that stood spellbound at a toy shop for everything shining and glittering inside it, Kaoru for someone who notices the sheen of sunlight on water (it makes Kouga think of a blade, but he has seen Kaoru stand for long minutes staring at a full kitchen sink and the sun gleaming on the steaming water). Kaoru is for hope, Kaoru is for something to fight for, Kaoru is for the part that would wallow in everything Kouga does not understand about humanity.
But Rei keeps him a Makai Knight. Rei is for the part of Kouga that comes alive and snarls delight when he fights, Rei is for laughing up at death with a blade at his throat or a Horror growling in his face. Rei is for the bitterness and fury of stolen fathers, Rei is for the glint of moonlight on steel or sharp teeth. Rei is (Zaruba) for something to fight with, Rei is for the part that knows Horrors come from humans.
And if Kouga grunts "Zero" into the skin of Rei's throat sometimes when he comes, sometimes Rei hides "Garo" in a bite.
Other times, when Kouga is half-asleep and Rei moves next to him in the bed, he mutters "Zaruba?" because Zaruba is the only one Kouga should be hearing, and then Rei shakes with laughter and murmurs, "In a sense," and his mouth on Kouga's throat makes Kouga shudder until Kaoru wakes up, complaining that *she* at least works the next day, and it takes Rei shifting over Kouga's body to kiss her into quiet before Kouga can get to sleep.
Kouga doesn't ever ask what Kaoru and Rei are to each other, doesn't ask if Kaoru ever calls him Ginga (it does not occur to him to wonder if Rei has ever told her of Shizuka and his life before them) in the middle of their edged flirtations, if Kaoru is hope to him the way she is for Kouga. If Rei is ever more Zero than anything else for her the way he is for Kouga.
He only knows that they are still with him, and that is all he cares for and all he needs.
-- Finis
Summary: The thing about Kouga is that he isn't entirely human anymore. But he isn't something else, either.
Author's Notes: Set after the movie, when Kaoru is back from Italy. Title from Rupert Brooke's Love.
There are things Kouga isn't good at. He still fails to comprehend Kaoru's insistence on a normal life -- Kouga has never had a paying job in his life. He has never needed one, nor had time to waste from his duty. -- or Rei's occasional forays into the city for nothing more than a day out.
He isn't good at telling them that he wants them to be happy and that he needs them to stay with him. He isn't good at telling them that they are why he still fights, now that Kouga has all the answers for his father's death.
That they mean something. They're part of him. Or he's part of them.
Kaoru makes him human. Kaoru is everything that Kouga left behind and cut out of himself. The pieces that he could not keep and be a Makai Knight worthy of his father's title.
Kaoru is the part that stood spellbound at a toy shop for everything shining and glittering inside it, Kaoru for someone who notices the sheen of sunlight on water (it makes Kouga think of a blade, but he has seen Kaoru stand for long minutes staring at a full kitchen sink and the sun gleaming on the steaming water). Kaoru is for hope, Kaoru is for something to fight for, Kaoru is for the part that would wallow in everything Kouga does not understand about humanity.
But Rei keeps him a Makai Knight. Rei is for the part of Kouga that comes alive and snarls delight when he fights, Rei is for laughing up at death with a blade at his throat or a Horror growling in his face. Rei is for the bitterness and fury of stolen fathers, Rei is for the glint of moonlight on steel or sharp teeth. Rei is (Zaruba) for something to fight with, Rei is for the part that knows Horrors come from humans.
And if Kouga grunts "Zero" into the skin of Rei's throat sometimes when he comes, sometimes Rei hides "Garo" in a bite.
Other times, when Kouga is half-asleep and Rei moves next to him in the bed, he mutters "Zaruba?" because Zaruba is the only one Kouga should be hearing, and then Rei shakes with laughter and murmurs, "In a sense," and his mouth on Kouga's throat makes Kouga shudder until Kaoru wakes up, complaining that *she* at least works the next day, and it takes Rei shifting over Kouga's body to kiss her into quiet before Kouga can get to sleep.
Kouga doesn't ever ask what Kaoru and Rei are to each other, doesn't ask if Kaoru ever calls him Ginga (it does not occur to him to wonder if Rei has ever told her of Shizuka and his life before them) in the middle of their edged flirtations, if Kaoru is hope to him the way she is for Kouga. If Rei is ever more Zero than anything else for her the way he is for Kouga.
He only knows that they are still with him, and that is all he cares for and all he needs.
-- Finis