rejection and cats what a mix !!!
so i had this really long entry ready and a hair was bothering me because it was sitting next to f5 on the keyboard and guess what that does. it's refresh. so i'm going to try and write it again. fucking bull shit
i'm gonna start off with the dream i had this morning. the fucking horrible and heartless dream.
so there's everyone i know in a cabin and it's effin' huge. and we ran out of food, so guess what we're gonna eat. a cat. yeah that's right i was assigned to "prepare and cook a cat. who eats cats? i would never eat a cat even if i was to die if i didn't. so i took this cat which reminded me of tittens my sis's cat. and i take it to the back room. i have to cut the legs off. and i'll remind you the cat isn't dead. (this is all a dream) but while i was "sawing the legs off" it wasn't meowing or growling at me. it wanted to get away for the sole reason of me holding it down. i get that part done pick up the poor cat and take it to see what i need to do next. dad says i need to cook it. taking in the back room i figure i can't just cook a live cat. it was half- dead from legs being cut off but i started to choke it. and all the while i never cried. i was heartless i had no emotion what-so ever. and this wasn't vigorous choking. i was still holding it and choking it at the same time. yet i couldn't let go it was like i didn't want to cook it yet i didn't want to keep it. twas like a baby to me. i woke up then and flipped out and cried myself back to sleep. it was horrendous. not gory like blood everywhere but just icky. and quite sad. i told mom she felt bad for me and i felt bad for my cat. i would never eat a cat. even if it was the only way i could live. would you ever eat a cat (and kill it and prepare it) if it was the only way you could live?
So junior boy is frusterating. so he gets into class 5 minutes late and he's giddy. i ask him if the one girl said yes and he said he found out she had a b/f. so i thought ok so i've got a chance. but then he said the reason why he was late was because he walked a "cute" girl to her class. so then it went kablaowie. so yeah i want to know from the lot of you boys online what this means>>> everytime he want's to get my attention he grabs my shoulder and mildy shakes it. he doesn't just say my name and ask a question. i know he knows my name but it's odd. could it mean he likes me? or what? and it's every chance he gets sometimes it's not because he wants my attention it's because he's just there.
Kristine is bothering me. i feel like i can't tell her my problems and get anything out of her. no advice what-so-ever. it seems the only people who give a shit are the ones online. what should i do about my homecoming situaton, i have preconcieved arrangements with kristine and i to get our pictures taken togeher just the two of us to elimate high cost and arguments. but if i get a date should i get pictures with him and ignore my friend or get pictures with my friend and ignore him? both maybe? oh well i'll find out.
so yeah i haven't refreshed yet and i have 3 minutes till er. i don't think i'll be awake for the end of it because last time i wa in my bed watching it and i fell asleep.
anyone and i mean anyone have any good ideas about how i should go about getting junior boy as a homecoming date. my friend sugggested i get him and i alone hanging out together then when we get in a good part of conversation ask him. i'm gonna do that but i want to know how to get him there, alone with me. i do drive so keep that in mind. and i can take him home and offer him a ride somewhere for "company".
anyways i guess i just can't take rejection. even though i've lived with it my whole life.
i'm gonna start off with the dream i had this morning. the fucking horrible and heartless dream.
so there's everyone i know in a cabin and it's effin' huge. and we ran out of food, so guess what we're gonna eat. a cat. yeah that's right i was assigned to "prepare and cook a cat. who eats cats? i would never eat a cat even if i was to die if i didn't. so i took this cat which reminded me of tittens my sis's cat. and i take it to the back room. i have to cut the legs off. and i'll remind you the cat isn't dead. (this is all a dream) but while i was "sawing the legs off" it wasn't meowing or growling at me. it wanted to get away for the sole reason of me holding it down. i get that part done pick up the poor cat and take it to see what i need to do next. dad says i need to cook it. taking in the back room i figure i can't just cook a live cat. it was half- dead from legs being cut off but i started to choke it. and all the while i never cried. i was heartless i had no emotion what-so ever. and this wasn't vigorous choking. i was still holding it and choking it at the same time. yet i couldn't let go it was like i didn't want to cook it yet i didn't want to keep it. twas like a baby to me. i woke up then and flipped out and cried myself back to sleep. it was horrendous. not gory like blood everywhere but just icky. and quite sad. i told mom she felt bad for me and i felt bad for my cat. i would never eat a cat. even if it was the only way i could live. would you ever eat a cat (and kill it and prepare it) if it was the only way you could live?
So junior boy is frusterating. so he gets into class 5 minutes late and he's giddy. i ask him if the one girl said yes and he said he found out she had a b/f. so i thought ok so i've got a chance. but then he said the reason why he was late was because he walked a "cute" girl to her class. so then it went kablaowie. so yeah i want to know from the lot of you boys online what this means>>> everytime he want's to get my attention he grabs my shoulder and mildy shakes it. he doesn't just say my name and ask a question. i know he knows my name but it's odd. could it mean he likes me? or what? and it's every chance he gets sometimes it's not because he wants my attention it's because he's just there.
Kristine is bothering me. i feel like i can't tell her my problems and get anything out of her. no advice what-so-ever. it seems the only people who give a shit are the ones online. what should i do about my homecoming situaton, i have preconcieved arrangements with kristine and i to get our pictures taken togeher just the two of us to elimate high cost and arguments. but if i get a date should i get pictures with him and ignore my friend or get pictures with my friend and ignore him? both maybe? oh well i'll find out.
so yeah i haven't refreshed yet and i have 3 minutes till er. i don't think i'll be awake for the end of it because last time i wa in my bed watching it and i fell asleep.
anyone and i mean anyone have any good ideas about how i should go about getting junior boy as a homecoming date. my friend sugggested i get him and i alone hanging out together then when we get in a good part of conversation ask him. i'm gonna do that but i want to know how to get him there, alone with me. i do drive so keep that in mind. and i can take him home and offer him a ride somewhere for "company".
anyways i guess i just can't take rejection. even though i've lived with it my whole life.