So. New Decade.
As usual, I don't update until a new year starts. Figures. Guess I'm just lazy like that.
Well, guys, it's a new year. What to say about 2009? Well, it was a real doozy, that's for sure.
And I say that with utmost seriousness, as stupid as it sounds to say anything serious involving the world 'doozy'.
It was a very hard year, both for me and for a lot of the people I know. As usual, I'm too lazy and it's been too long to want to go into a whole lot of detail. Maybe sometime I will.
But in any case, like last year, there was a lot of good and a lot of bad. I have some regrets, as does everyone else, I'm sure. But also like last year, I wouldn't change much. I say 'much' because, well, there are certain things that I think anybody would want to change.
A quick overview, I suppose. I'm too tired to do some kind of meme like I did last year.
Let's start with some of the bad stuff, because I'd rather end this entry on a bright note.
The Bad:
1) I wasn't able to get a job over the summer. That sounds a little stupid, but, well, being a starving art kid, it's kind of a big deal and as lazy as I am, I tend to get very, very depressed when I'm not working or actively engaged in something productive. What's up with that?
2) My cat, Scooter, who had been in my life since I was five years old, died at age fourteen in July. It was sudden, and it was horrible. There was no romantic movie-moment, no feeling of comfort or clarity. It was the most profoundly painful thing I have ever experienced in my life, and even now, months later, the slightest thing can bring back the memories of that day so vividly that it's actually sort of crippling. I am not one to use the term 'depression' lightly, but that is the state in which I spent most of the summer. It changed my physical perception of my surroundings and made it impossible to stay in that house.
To anyone who thinks that someone should just be able to get over the death of a pet right away, fuck you.
It still hurts.
3) Ran into horrific room-mate problems within the first week of school. There's nothing like being told "Oh, don't worry, I won't bring any partying into the room!" only to, five days later, be expected to be okay with a crowd of people drinking vodka in the room.
In related news, I was forced into a situation in which I actually had to use the sentence "IS THAT GUY FUCKING MY STUFFED POLAR BEAR?!" in absolute, honest-to-god seriousness.
And then the threats started.
4) Room mate problem turned into a staff problem. Had an RA accuse me of stalking her within the second day of trying to get help from her in the matter of my room mate threatening me. Was forced to move.
5) Discovered that my body's reaction to stress is to convince itself that there is something seriously wrong with it and have full-blown anxiety attacks over imagined health problems.
6) Had a fairly spectacular fight with my father in public.
7) Developed some severe trust issues with authority.
8) Accepted, though the process was painful, that childhood is over. Everything is changing.
Well, if that wasn't the most emo load of horseshit I've ever typed, I don't know what is.
So let's take a look at the good.
The Good:
1)Finished my first year of college. It didn't feel like a year. But it was. Wow. So much happened that year-- it was the first time on my own, the first time being in charge of my own affairs, academically, and being responsible for my grades. I came out of it with a GPA of roughly 3.6 and made some of the best friends I've ever had.
2) Learned to deal with grief.
3) Got to spend time staying with friends from my online roleplaying group-- you guys are lifesavers. You let me escape for a few days, and that made all the difference. Not to mention, caramel-swirl marshmallows. Mmm. I love you.
4) Got two cats who needed a home. They brighten the house so damn much and I love them dearly. Even if they are goofy, enormous brats. Welcome, Samba and Tango.
4) Was happy to go back to campus. It didn't last long, thanks to my classy room mate, but it's significant. I love it there, and I love my friends. Dean, Jai, I owe you guys both so fucking much. Thanks for being there for me no matter how deranged and panicked I got.
5) Got in better shape, and started being bolder about walking everywhere on campus.
6) Loved my classes, and took some incredible leaps in improvement, art-wise.
7) Learned how to use the animation recording equipment mostly on my own, without any irreversible disaster.
8) Saw some great movies.
9) Made my very own costume and cut my hair for Halloween.
10) Opened commissions with moderate success.
11) Was approached, hired, and consistently supported by Alex Vance, author of the anthropomorphic graphic novel Heathen City. I don't figure anyone who actually reads that would be poking around on the journal of a relatively obscure artist, but, you know, just in case, hush. It's not supposed to be out there yet. He is an awesome boss, understanding to the max and has more enthusiasm than most people would know what to do with. He tailor-wrote a script for me so that I wouldn't have to do anything uncomfortable, and it's gonna be awesome, you guys. Inside word here. It's gonna be awesome.
12) Survived an extremely challenging academic semester-- we were worked down to the very bone and more than once, many of the animation kids had to go without sleep for a week or more. But it was so. Fucking. Worth it. I loved my classes. I loved my animation teacher. I loved my classmates. Thanks for making it awesome even though we were dying.
13) Won NaNoWriMo with my Silent Hill fanfic (the first fanfiction I've written in years), "Gravity". 50,000 words.
14) Made the tough decision to move and wound up in a better place, emotionally AND physically. I love my new room, new building, and new room mate. We can talk and laugh together. I never thought I'd have that. Thanks for being an amazing person, Julie.
15) Made a SMALL name for myself in the Silent Hill fandom, which was unexpected, but not entirely unpleasant.
16) Got into the habit of sketchbooks again.
17) Made my very own website-- with the help of my best friend, of course. Designed everything from the large graphics to the sidebar buttons. Check it out!
18) Made new friends, grew closer to old. You all know who you are, and just in case you don't know this part, mark it well. I love you all dearly. I might not have gotten through everything that happened to me this year if it weren't for you. You helped me learn that while I was right about one thing-- I was the only one who could do anything to change the horrible situation I was put in-- I still had that unending, wonderful support on the outside. I don't know what I would do without you all. I love you. So damn much.
Hard or not, this was another year of laughter, creativity, and stupid inside-jokes that no one but us will ever get. Thank you.
19) Held my ground as long as possible, and won. I got that room mate to leave, as she should have. Then I had to learn that I couldn't win against everything, and to accept that once the odds are too great, running away isn't so bad. I did everything I could, and while perhaps there was a way certain things could have been avoided, I have no regrets.
20) Found my absolute personal themesong.
I survived. We all survived.
I also learned a lot of things about myself, and about the world. I was put in challenging, sometimes-dangerous situations and they changed me. Hopefully for the better.
2009 was a hard year. And I kicked its ass.
I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready for the new decade. BRING. IT. ON.
Well, guys, it's a new year. What to say about 2009? Well, it was a real doozy, that's for sure.
And I say that with utmost seriousness, as stupid as it sounds to say anything serious involving the world 'doozy'.
It was a very hard year, both for me and for a lot of the people I know. As usual, I'm too lazy and it's been too long to want to go into a whole lot of detail. Maybe sometime I will.
But in any case, like last year, there was a lot of good and a lot of bad. I have some regrets, as does everyone else, I'm sure. But also like last year, I wouldn't change much. I say 'much' because, well, there are certain things that I think anybody would want to change.
A quick overview, I suppose. I'm too tired to do some kind of meme like I did last year.
Let's start with some of the bad stuff, because I'd rather end this entry on a bright note.
The Bad:
1) I wasn't able to get a job over the summer. That sounds a little stupid, but, well, being a starving art kid, it's kind of a big deal and as lazy as I am, I tend to get very, very depressed when I'm not working or actively engaged in something productive. What's up with that?
2) My cat, Scooter, who had been in my life since I was five years old, died at age fourteen in July. It was sudden, and it was horrible. There was no romantic movie-moment, no feeling of comfort or clarity. It was the most profoundly painful thing I have ever experienced in my life, and even now, months later, the slightest thing can bring back the memories of that day so vividly that it's actually sort of crippling. I am not one to use the term 'depression' lightly, but that is the state in which I spent most of the summer. It changed my physical perception of my surroundings and made it impossible to stay in that house.
To anyone who thinks that someone should just be able to get over the death of a pet right away, fuck you.
It still hurts.
3) Ran into horrific room-mate problems within the first week of school. There's nothing like being told "Oh, don't worry, I won't bring any partying into the room!" only to, five days later, be expected to be okay with a crowd of people drinking vodka in the room.
In related news, I was forced into a situation in which I actually had to use the sentence "IS THAT GUY FUCKING MY STUFFED POLAR BEAR?!" in absolute, honest-to-god seriousness.
And then the threats started.
4) Room mate problem turned into a staff problem. Had an RA accuse me of stalking her within the second day of trying to get help from her in the matter of my room mate threatening me. Was forced to move.
5) Discovered that my body's reaction to stress is to convince itself that there is something seriously wrong with it and have full-blown anxiety attacks over imagined health problems.
6) Had a fairly spectacular fight with my father in public.
7) Developed some severe trust issues with authority.
8) Accepted, though the process was painful, that childhood is over. Everything is changing.
Well, if that wasn't the most emo load of horseshit I've ever typed, I don't know what is.
So let's take a look at the good.
The Good:
1)Finished my first year of college. It didn't feel like a year. But it was. Wow. So much happened that year-- it was the first time on my own, the first time being in charge of my own affairs, academically, and being responsible for my grades. I came out of it with a GPA of roughly 3.6 and made some of the best friends I've ever had.
2) Learned to deal with grief.
3) Got to spend time staying with friends from my online roleplaying group-- you guys are lifesavers. You let me escape for a few days, and that made all the difference. Not to mention, caramel-swirl marshmallows. Mmm. I love you.
4) Got two cats who needed a home. They brighten the house so damn much and I love them dearly. Even if they are goofy, enormous brats. Welcome, Samba and Tango.
4) Was happy to go back to campus. It didn't last long, thanks to my classy room mate, but it's significant. I love it there, and I love my friends. Dean, Jai, I owe you guys both so fucking much. Thanks for being there for me no matter how deranged and panicked I got.
5) Got in better shape, and started being bolder about walking everywhere on campus.
6) Loved my classes, and took some incredible leaps in improvement, art-wise.
7) Learned how to use the animation recording equipment mostly on my own, without any irreversible disaster.
8) Saw some great movies.
9) Made my very own costume and cut my hair for Halloween.
10) Opened commissions with moderate success.
11) Was approached, hired, and consistently supported by Alex Vance, author of the anthropomorphic graphic novel Heathen City. I don't figure anyone who actually reads that would be poking around on the journal of a relatively obscure artist, but, you know, just in case, hush. It's not supposed to be out there yet. He is an awesome boss, understanding to the max and has more enthusiasm than most people would know what to do with. He tailor-wrote a script for me so that I wouldn't have to do anything uncomfortable, and it's gonna be awesome, you guys. Inside word here. It's gonna be awesome.
12) Survived an extremely challenging academic semester-- we were worked down to the very bone and more than once, many of the animation kids had to go without sleep for a week or more. But it was so. Fucking. Worth it. I loved my classes. I loved my animation teacher. I loved my classmates. Thanks for making it awesome even though we were dying.
13) Won NaNoWriMo with my Silent Hill fanfic (the first fanfiction I've written in years), "Gravity". 50,000 words.
14) Made the tough decision to move and wound up in a better place, emotionally AND physically. I love my new room, new building, and new room mate. We can talk and laugh together. I never thought I'd have that. Thanks for being an amazing person, Julie.
15) Made a SMALL name for myself in the Silent Hill fandom, which was unexpected, but not entirely unpleasant.
16) Got into the habit of sketchbooks again.
17) Made my very own website-- with the help of my best friend, of course. Designed everything from the large graphics to the sidebar buttons. Check it out!
18) Made new friends, grew closer to old. You all know who you are, and just in case you don't know this part, mark it well. I love you all dearly. I might not have gotten through everything that happened to me this year if it weren't for you. You helped me learn that while I was right about one thing-- I was the only one who could do anything to change the horrible situation I was put in-- I still had that unending, wonderful support on the outside. I don't know what I would do without you all. I love you. So damn much.
Hard or not, this was another year of laughter, creativity, and stupid inside-jokes that no one but us will ever get. Thank you.
19) Held my ground as long as possible, and won. I got that room mate to leave, as she should have. Then I had to learn that I couldn't win against everything, and to accept that once the odds are too great, running away isn't so bad. I did everything I could, and while perhaps there was a way certain things could have been avoided, I have no regrets.
20) Found my absolute personal themesong.
I survived. We all survived.
I also learned a lot of things about myself, and about the world. I was put in challenging, sometimes-dangerous situations and they changed me. Hopefully for the better.
2009 was a hard year. And I kicked its ass.
I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready for the new decade. BRING. IT. ON.