I am an Idiot.
I asked, no begged, the universe to give me that one opportunity, that one small chance to talk to him and the universe gave me exactly that, how often does that happen!?
And what do I do, I royally F*#k it up like an idiot. I sat there for ten long minutes, barely 20 feet away from him.... and said nothing. Did nothing...
For once he was early for class and waiting there with the rest of us early-risers. For once he was within reach and available for possible conversation.
I had so many chances just to go up to him and start with a general 'Hi'.
But no, what happens, I just watch him, my mind going over the various situations instead of actually acting them out and eventually he is joined by his friends and he goes into class.
To be fair I had planned to follow him and 'coincidently' sit next to him and maybe save this chance fate so graciously handed me. But my friends come along and chose seats that might as well have been across the world from him... and all I was left with was the occasional stare behind me.
But still I had hope, there was a second lecture right after the current one and I could still get my chance to sit next to him and finally talk to him.
But no, I got dragged along by my friends again who had spontaneously decided to go to my class and we might have well be on the other side of the world with the seats they chose.
Again I was left only with watching him....
But, I was determined, even if I had to run after him after the end of this last lecture for the day and bump into him just to start that conversation I would finally get my chance.
Halfway through this long boring lecture the Lecturer's laptop shuts down and the projector is left blank, and he realises he has forgotten his charger in his office, but no, this is not the end of the lecture, so we are given a 'short break' until some lackey brings it[the charger] to him.
But then it happens, as if fate were punishing me for my earlier waste of opportunity. He packs up, with most likely half the other students, and leaves the class with his friend.
I couldn't go after him for two reasons:
1. I just couldn't ditch my friends,
2. My stupid manners can not allow me to just leave in the middle of a lecture, even if the man was as boring as watching paint dry...
And so I just sat there, all hope lost of finally having that conversation...
I can't help thinking how pathetic I am, especially when I replay that moment with my god-given-opportunity and how I wasted it away...
I truly am an Idiot, of epic proportions.
On a side-note; I've began to wonder, Does he really not even suspect me watching him. I mean really, if someone were always watching me, especially in a lecture when their attention should be on work, I'd like to think I'd notice at least something...
Why must the simplest of things be so difficult to handle.