2016

Jan 02, 2016 03:33

In despite of those unhappy souls who feel the need to tell people that their hate of 2015 will be matched by their hate of 2016 in six months time... My mother died in the first six months of 2015, that's a one-time event of horrid that 2016 can't match (my father also died last January but that alone would not have made for the worst year going)

Even if I fall in love tomorrow and the object of my affections dies before the year is out... it won't be as bad. If I die... won't be as bad. Yes, I may well find that missing my mother is an ever increasing burden that makes every year from now a hopeless grind... 2016 will likely not be the absolute hope-killer so... not as bad.

2017 has a better chance of being evil than 2016.

January the 1st last year I wrote a friend's locked post about everything that had happened the year before and that my father might be dead in the next couple of weeks. If someone had told me then that next year (2015) would just be the same again I would have punched them...

Yes, it ended up being worse, but there are too many prats in the world happy to tell other people not to hope next year will be better.

For anyone out there who has had a tough year and is hoping against hope that 2016 will be a break from pain, or exhaustion, or oppression, or fear, or the stupidity of people who don't know how much a ritualised break with the past can mean....

I wish you a bright sparkling new year and all the hope you can find to face it (and fuck the thought-police)

...

I'm not going to resolve to write more or journal or whatever... this year is still going to involve a lot of sorting out of the mess from last year and the build-up of actual physical mess from the previous five years where no one was keeping an eye on resident brother's bedroom or worrying about rooms my mother couldn't see. I have to cope with lots of adult things that previously went through a parental-figure filter (yes I was calling the plumber but it was with a nod of agreement to the choice and to the plans of what would be done). Now I get to be the grown-up. Make Christmas happen. Pick a new landline provider. Start planning how to get the windows replaced and that bit of pointing on the roof fixed and... panicking because there's no one to talk to about it (well no one who will actually be listening and contributing useful comments) and the world is full of disappointing tradesmen... and scary shit.

...

I still haven't found a new purpose.

...

I miss writing and stitching and learning new things. 2015 had very little of any of that and I need 2016 to have more. Yes I have no audience for the things I make, but I need to be creative... the longer I go without any of that stuff I go the crappier I believe my efforts to be and the harder it is to try.

...

I miss things that are not the house and food shopping. My world has shrunk to the bare essentials of a carer... if I've lost my mother at least I need to get back in touch with trees. (Not locally, pretty much every place I used to go has been built on or otherwise improved and they will make me sad)

...

So, 2016... a year in which I need to refind myself, do things that make me happy, and improve my health and environment. Hippy New Year!
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