I hate my brain sometimes. I met the perfect girl in dream-Chicago. I let us get split up just in time to wake up. Stupid, stupid, stupid. She looked like a physical blend of Lizzy and Ginny and was probably too young for me despite her intelligence. So, yeah, just my type. Dangerous and pretty and smart. Everything I can't seem to find here. Damn ( Read more... )

Somehow it's easier, knowing she's in Boston now. Gone is gone is gone, and nothing to be done about it. Sometimes I wonder if I even cross her mind, but I doubt it. She's on a headlong path for number one, no time to stop for the peasantry. I have my own life to focus on anyway. Some days I even manage not to think of her ( Read more... )

Sometimes I worry that my journal is all too full of negativity and strife. I want you to know, future self, that right now we're doing very well. The school is doing well, we scored a victory for working men everywhere at work, and we have two very wonderful women in our lives. We're very, very busy, and tomorrow we're going to see things that we ( Read more... )

I don't want to be the last Satori.

I'm tired of feeling like this, single or not. It's old, universe. Enough. I was sick of it long before her, and after her is just cruel punishment for wrongs I can't even pin down ( Read more... )

I miss the happy times, the carefree times, the times when even when I was stressed and frustrated with my life, I could just be with her and everything else was forgotten. Lying together, and being silly, and making wishes on eyelashes. I'm so tired of waking up heartbroken, all of that stuff gone and probably forgotten.

I just want it to be okay to love her.

I'm so tired of being tired. It's physical, it's mental, it's spiritual exhaustion. I don't have anything left. My work is being affected, I'm making stupid mistakes everywhere I turn. I've taken to hitting myself again because my sense of self-worth is so shattered that the idea of putting it back together again is laughable ( Read more... )

The worst part about this breakup is I feel like everyone knows I wasn't good enough, and they're judging me. I feel like an idiot for ever believing that I can ever get her back. Hope is as foolish as ambition. They're kind of one and the same, really ( Read more... )

I feel like I sold my happiness to keep you alive. Why does it feel like you would never do the same for me?