I don't know how to be anyone but me.......
I had my annual review today. And it's the worst I've ever had. In fact, I've never had a bad one before. I've always come off grumpy and moody but I always worked my ass off so it was okay. We've been so slow at work though that we've been spreading maybe four hours of work out over eight hours. And four is a good day. So it is now written in my permanent file that I'm "easily distracted, have a hard time completing tasks and am egged on by negativity around me." We have nothing to do all day long so we talk about what our husbands do that bug us,etc and I sit in the middle of the dept. Plus I get snide remarks from co-workers about how I don't share imaging. Well that's all I have in the afternoon and I don't see them giving their afternoon jobs. If I had work I'd get it done, but I never know if I'll have it tomorrow so I keep a little bit on my desk for the next day in case I have to stretch it out. I'm just so frustrated and dis-heartened right now. If I ever try and switch depts my review will be available for all to see. Plus my boss pretty much told me she black balled me from getting the position I applied for because of my socializing. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?????? The reason why I applied for that job was because that dept has work to do and that's what I want to do!!!!!! She literally told me to draw circles on paper so that at least I would look busy. She told me that!!!!!! I feel like it's okay for everyone around me to talk about their ups and downs but if I say a peep I'm turned in for being negative. I don't know how to be anyone but me and I'm getting sick of feeling judge for being horrible when I do nothing other than what those people do around me. I AM WHO I AM SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!