4/4, Rain
Author: kat_sor
Rating: Older Teen..
Summary: Rain can bring a new beginning, but it has the tendency to whisk them away before the chance can be taken. And sometimes, just sometimes, that chance would have changed something. In a world of games and rides, sometimes rain brings more bad than good.
Disclaimer: Low by Flo Rida, What A Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong, 100 Years by Five for Fighting, PS (I'm Still Not Over You) by Rihanna, Fire Burning by Sean Kingston are not my possession.
~*~
Usually, I can tell when I’m getting the wool pulled over my eyes. It’s just some sort of talent I’ve acquired over the years, after getting played time and time again by boys who I probably shouldn’t have cared about. But, then again, I wasn’t always the one at fault.
Right?
I shake my head and walk over to the line of chairs by the side of the stage. The last dance I went to was Prom. With Adam. And let me tell you, it was a little strange not being with him. I gaze out at the dance floor.
“‘Low’? Really, guys?” I murmur. “We’ve seen shawty get low for two years now.”
“What was that, beautiful?” I turn around. Luckily, it’s just Blake.
“Yo.”
“Hey. So, whatcha up to?”
“Just standing here wallowing in self pity. You?” Blake blinks a few times and holds out his hand. I raise an eyebrow.
“Would you care to accompany me to the water table?”
“I would be delighted.” I take his hand in mind and we make our way through the throngs of people. When we reach the table, he hands me a glass of water. “Thanks.”
“Yup.” Silence, or as much silence as possible, drapes between us and I rock forward and backward on my heels. “Having fun? At the dance, I mean.”
“Yeah.”
… And I think to myself, ‘What a wonderful world …
“Since when do they play Louis Armstrong at 4-H dances?” I blurt. “No, let me rephrase; since when do they play slow songs at all at 4-H dances?”
“I dunno,” Blake shrugs. “They usually don’t.” The D.J. nears the microphone.
“Okay, so I know we usually don’t do this, but hey, change is good, right?” The music cuts out for a moment. “Well, the people who are paying me want me to make it less about the rap and more about friendship. So if you’ve got a friend out there, here’s your chance to make ‘em smile.” The music comes back on and I grimace.
“We’re not dancing to this. Don’t worry.” Blake smirks and I mock-glare in response. It’s not that I don’t want to dance with him. It’s that I don’t want to dance with anyone but … well, his brother.
I'm 15 for a moment, caught in between 10 and 20 and I'm just dreaming, counting the ways to where you are…
My heart sinks. I look at Blake. He knows immediately why I can’t dance to this one either. I sigh and go sit down in the line of chairs. Blake disappears.
I look to my left. No one. I look to my right. Someone. My eyes meander up to his face. And I know why I feel okay.
~*~
You never know what you had until you lose it, and then when-if-you get it back, you never want to let it go. Now, I guess I’m just lucky, but would it be too late to get it back? Because I know I wouldn’t throw it away again …
Music pours from my iHome as I brush my teeth the next morning. No one else is there. They have all gone downstairs. Except for me, because I’m lame like that.
Don’t you know I’ve tried and I’ve tried to get you outta my mind? But it don’t get no better as each day goes by …
I sit on a bench. This day was going to suck. The last day of these things always do. You have to say goodbye to new friends you’ve made, and sometimes … you say goodbye forever.
My phone goes off and I jump.
She get it pop it lock it drop it, that birthday cake. Got a candle, need to blow that crazy flame away. Now take my red, black card and my jewelry. Shawty is cool like the fire, cool like fire …
One new text from: Adam Sinclair
Hey, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being a jerk and a dick and an asshole. It’s a part of me that never changes. And I wear it like a jacket.
And that’s about the time I start to cry.
~*~
“Jen!” Amber exclaims. “Jen, are you alright?”
“No,” I reply softly, the streaks my tears left behind still red against my cheeks.
“What happened?” She sits beside me, hands clasped nervously. “Was it Blake?”
“Not quite.”
“Oh no …”
I sigh and stand, running a hand through my hair. “Oh, yes.”
“Jen, I am so sorry …”
“There’s nothing you can do about it, really …”
“I’m sorry about Sara.”
“What?”
“He and Sara … she said they had a thing?”
“Yeah. I know.” I sigh once more and shake a bottle of nail polish. “But it doesn’t really matter now, does it?”
“It’ll always matter.”
And I know it’s true. Even as I paint my fingernails black, I know he’ll always be the colour in my dank, boring old world. And that will never change.
~*~
“Sara,” I murmur, walking toward her. “Sara, can we talk?”
“About what?”
“I think you know.” I look at her, my emotions pouring out of my eyes. She knows. I can tell she knows by the look on her face. That deer in the headlights, sad, worried look.
“Is it Adam?” I nod. “I’m really sorry …”
“Look, it’s not your fault, or his fault. It’s my fault. I pushed too hard.”
“You haven’t been pushing at all. If anyone’s been pushing, it’s been him.”
“Not really.” I’ve been pushing him away.
“No, it really has been his fault. I mean, come on, Jen. You’re pretty. He’s going to fall all over you. It’s what he does.” I raised a brow. I could feel my blood start to boil.
“Yeah, and he also plays innocent girls who love him.”
“Well, I mean, he-”
“Don’t you see, Sara? He’s playing you. He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t love anyone.” I could see her eyes fill with tears. “Sara?”
“I know he’s playing me, Jen. It’s all he ever does. But it made me feel special that he chose me. I mean, he could have chosen anyone but he chose me.”
“That shouldn’t make you feel special.”
But I know exactly how she feels.
~*~
“Hello?”
“Hi.”
“Uhm … hi.” I look around swiftly for my moderator and hide my phone inside the cuff of my hoodie.
“I’m sorry.”
“Huh?”
“I’m sorry for this entire week.”
“You shouldn’t be apologizing to me …”
“Why not?”
“You hurt your girlfriend more.”
“What girlfriend?” I move the phone from my ear and blink at it. I had not just fallen for another Sara-ism, had I?
“Sara …”
“… Is not my girlfriend.” Adam sighs into the phone. “She just wants to be.”
“Oh, another hook-up? Where was it, in the horse barn?”
“No!”
“Ooh! Behind the showing ring, right?” I sneer.
“Jen, no, no …”
“Ah, in the bathroom next to the Indian village?”
“Of course not. Jen, I-”
I hiss, “No, I’m going to guess it!” After a short pause, I murmur, “Was it next to the dorms?”
“Jen, you don’t get it. Nothing happened.”
“I know nothing hap-wait, nothing happened?”
“No. Nothing. Happened.”
“Then why did she-”
“How could you have fallen for her bullshit again?”
“I’m sorry!” I yell, receiving strange looks from everyone. “D-didn’t I just kick you, Stace? Oh, guess not.” I return my attention to my phone conversation, dropping my voice. “She’s a damn good actress then, Adam.”
“She is! That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Jen. That’s what Blake and I have both been trying to tell you.” Unable to think of a sufficient answer, I say nothing and listen to his breathing on the other end of the phone. “Is that what all of this was about?”
“All of what?” I fiddle with the project on the table.
“The cold shoulder, the pissed off glares, the avoidance …”
“Yeah. Pretty much.”
“All about Sara and me?! Oh, Jen …”
“No. Not about you and Sara. About you.”
“Why about me?”
“You told me to put up a brick wall so my feelings for you would go away.”
“Oh, Jen … Jen …” Adam murmurs in dismay. “Jen, I didn’t know that guy was me.”
“And if it had been? Would the answer not have been the same?”
“It …” After a brief pause, he continues, “It probably would have. You’re right. But Jen, in love, it is better to know and be disappointed than to-”
“-know and always wonder. Yeah. I know. That was my away message right before we left for States.”
“Then you agree, you should have told me.”
“No, I agree that I need to get over you.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s not doing my heart any good to just sit here and keep wondering. You’ve made it painfully obvious that you don’t like me, so instead of drowning in my love for you, I’ll follow your advice and put up a brick wall.”
“Jen. Stop.”
“Why?”
“Because-” A crackling pop and the call drops; just my damn luck.
~*~
“Hey guys!” I shout, running at Amber and Blake. “I have to go but I wanted to give you each a hug.”
“Bye, Miss Senior.”
“Goodbye, Miss Junior!” I grin and hug Amber before turning to Blake and shrugging. “And Mr. Junior.”
“I’m sorry about Adam.”
“It’s fine,” I murmur, feeling Blake’s arms envelope me in a heartwarming hug. “You will always give the best hugs.”
“Thank you.” Albeit his smile, he looked somewhat sad to see me go.
“It’s the last day of fair, guys. It’s not like I could have stayed any longer. And besides, once I get my license my first stop is your house.” I grin mischievously. He returns the expression and nods. “Road trip. Hell yeah.”
“Of course.” And Adam is behind me. I turn, surprised. “This week must have blown.”
“Not really, actually.”
“No?”
“Nope.”
“Do I get a hug goodbye?”
“Sure.” I watch him move closer until his arms encircle me. I hug him back, at first halfheartedly but then something changes. Something within me changes and then I realize it didn’t change. It just … hid. The anger melts away and I melt with it. My eyes prickle and I can tell I’m about to cry.
And I am. Of course. Because Adam wouldn’t be rubbing my back in small circles unless it were shaking with the silent, heartbroken sobs that are at this moment wracking my body.
“It’s okay, Jen.”
And it actually is.