Proper English
Title: Proper English
Author: kat_sor
Rating: PG, or PG-13 if you're sensitive.
Warnings: Slash. References to male anatomy. Sexual references. Sexual humour.
Summary: Owen wants to know ... what is the proper form of 'penis' in the plural tense?!
A/N: Kinda cheesy, I know, but I was talking with bassair , and it just kind of ... came to me.
Proper English
“You know what I’ve been wondering?” Owen muttered, prodding a body on his examination table. He quickly scribbled “James Robuck, aged 23” on a form and spun around on his stool to face Ianto and Jack.
“What have you been wondering, Owen?” Jack responded, staring at Mr. Robuck, analyzing the contusions on his chest.
Ianto glanced sideways at Jack awkwardly before coughing and murmuring snidely, “Please, Dr. Harper, we’re dying to know.”
“What is the proper plural form of ‘penis’?” It so happened that at the exact moment Owen uttered the word, Ianto was in the process of swallowing his coffee. The complete shock caused him to spray lukewarm spittle-and-coffee in a beautiful arc across the examination floor.
Smirking at Ianto’s dripping mouth, Jack sarcastically said, “I don’t know, Owen.
‘Penises,’ perhaps?”
“I don’t think so.” Owen shook his head and prodded Mr. Robuck once more. “See, the plural of octopus is octopi. And alumnus is alumni.”
Ianto glared and wiped his mouth. “What’s your point, Harper?”
“My point is, Tea Boy,” he snapped, glaring back, “the plural form of penis must be peni.”
“Who has peni, though?” the Welshman inquired skeptically. “I’m pretty sure I only have one.”
“Don’t speak so soon, Ianto,” Jack chuckled. “I met an Alien once …”
“How many?”
“Twelve.”
“Twelve?!” Ianto repeated. “My God, that’s … that’s …”
“One penis per head.”
“So he had twenty-four?” Owen chimed in, grinning at Ianto’s oncoming blush.
“No, he had twelve brains sticking out of his shoulders …” Jack shuddered in disgust and grabbed Ianto’s coffee mug from the younger man’s hand. His own fingertips brushed a patch of his dress pants and the Welsh boy squirmed. “You alright, Ianto?”
“All the talk about peni started to get yours thinking?”
“N-no.”
“Come, Ianto,” Jack ordered, gesturing for Ianto to follow him, “I have a couple of ways to fix your problem.”
“Coming, sir.”
“If you’re not now, you soon will be.” Winking at Ianto, Jack turned to Owen and stated, “You are not to leave your examination area. We have the CCTV on.”
“As do I.”
“Oh, touché.”
“I won’t watch you if you don’t watch Tosh.”
“What’s Tosh doing?”
“New IM awaiting. Go have fun.” Jack didn’t need another order and grasped Ianto’s hand in his, pulling him up the stairs gingerly, as to not upset the younger man’s pants.
Meet me upstairs, outside the janitors’ closet.
I don’t think I can, love. I’ve been ordered to stay in my examination area.
Owen…
Can’t you come down here?
I can come anywhere. I just thought it would be easiest in the janitors’ closet.
I’ll go out the back way and meet you at my flat.
See you there.
As Owen cleaned up his workspace, he glanced at the clock, fairly aware of the time. He hummed at first, a habit he’d picked up from Ianto, but stopped when he heard a clatter from above, in the hothouse. If they hadn’t learned before … He chuckled, grinned, and glanced at his watch again. He had five minutes before Tosh would come looking for him.
Or at him.
One or the other, he’d better hurry.
He grabbed his jacket, shut off the fluorescent light, and walked toward the door. As he closed the door behind him, he sang to himself, “Penis, penis, penis … peni!”
Author: kat_sor
Rating: PG, or PG-13 if you're sensitive.
Warnings: Slash. References to male anatomy. Sexual references. Sexual humour.
Summary: Owen wants to know ... what is the proper form of 'penis' in the plural tense?!
A/N: Kinda cheesy, I know, but I was talking with bassair , and it just kind of ... came to me.
Proper English
“You know what I’ve been wondering?” Owen muttered, prodding a body on his examination table. He quickly scribbled “James Robuck, aged 23” on a form and spun around on his stool to face Ianto and Jack.
“What have you been wondering, Owen?” Jack responded, staring at Mr. Robuck, analyzing the contusions on his chest.
Ianto glanced sideways at Jack awkwardly before coughing and murmuring snidely, “Please, Dr. Harper, we’re dying to know.”
“What is the proper plural form of ‘penis’?” It so happened that at the exact moment Owen uttered the word, Ianto was in the process of swallowing his coffee. The complete shock caused him to spray lukewarm spittle-and-coffee in a beautiful arc across the examination floor.
Smirking at Ianto’s dripping mouth, Jack sarcastically said, “I don’t know, Owen.
‘Penises,’ perhaps?”
“I don’t think so.” Owen shook his head and prodded Mr. Robuck once more. “See, the plural of octopus is octopi. And alumnus is alumni.”
Ianto glared and wiped his mouth. “What’s your point, Harper?”
“My point is, Tea Boy,” he snapped, glaring back, “the plural form of penis must be peni.”
“Who has peni, though?” the Welshman inquired skeptically. “I’m pretty sure I only have one.”
“Don’t speak so soon, Ianto,” Jack chuckled. “I met an Alien once …”
“How many?”
“Twelve.”
“Twelve?!” Ianto repeated. “My God, that’s … that’s …”
“One penis per head.”
“So he had twenty-four?” Owen chimed in, grinning at Ianto’s oncoming blush.
“No, he had twelve brains sticking out of his shoulders …” Jack shuddered in disgust and grabbed Ianto’s coffee mug from the younger man’s hand. His own fingertips brushed a patch of his dress pants and the Welsh boy squirmed. “You alright, Ianto?”
“All the talk about peni started to get yours thinking?”
“N-no.”
“Come, Ianto,” Jack ordered, gesturing for Ianto to follow him, “I have a couple of ways to fix your problem.”
“Coming, sir.”
“If you’re not now, you soon will be.” Winking at Ianto, Jack turned to Owen and stated, “You are not to leave your examination area. We have the CCTV on.”
“As do I.”
“Oh, touché.”
“I won’t watch you if you don’t watch Tosh.”
“What’s Tosh doing?”
“New IM awaiting. Go have fun.” Jack didn’t need another order and grasped Ianto’s hand in his, pulling him up the stairs gingerly, as to not upset the younger man’s pants.
Meet me upstairs, outside the janitors’ closet.
I don’t think I can, love. I’ve been ordered to stay in my examination area.
Owen…
Can’t you come down here?
I can come anywhere. I just thought it would be easiest in the janitors’ closet.
I’ll go out the back way and meet you at my flat.
See you there.
As Owen cleaned up his workspace, he glanced at the clock, fairly aware of the time. He hummed at first, a habit he’d picked up from Ianto, but stopped when he heard a clatter from above, in the hothouse. If they hadn’t learned before … He chuckled, grinned, and glanced at his watch again. He had five minutes before Tosh would come looking for him.
Or at him.
One or the other, he’d better hurry.
He grabbed his jacket, shut off the fluorescent light, and walked toward the door. As he closed the door behind him, he sang to himself, “Penis, penis, penis … peni!”