the wide world of dead baby jokes=) enjoy!
how many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof?
depends on how thin you slice them
whats worse than a pile of dead babies?
a live baby in the middle, eating it's way out
whats worse than that?
the baby comming back for seconds
what is easier to unload a truckload of dead babies, or a truckload of bowling balls?
dead babies of course you can use a pitchfork
what is red and white and goes whirrrrrrrr: dead baby in a blender
how many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
depends on how hard you throw them
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
it was stapled to the chicken
whats better then swinging a dead baby 80 mph around a pole by its feet?
stopping it with a shovel!
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.
How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it's head.
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.'>...What's brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.
What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
Fucked.
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?
Bob
What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag.
What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
You can't gargle gravel.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender!
How do you get them out again?
With tortilla chips!!!
How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.
What's white and red and hangs from a telephone wire?
A baby shot through a snowblower.
Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
So you can see the expression on its face!
What's blue and bloated and floating in your beer?
A dead baby with fetal alcohol syndrome!
What is better than a dead baby?
The revoked child-support.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a peanut butter cup?
The dead baby won't stick to the roof of your mouth.
What's more fun than stapling babies to a wall?
Ripping them off again.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a golden delicious apple?
You don't have to bleed the golden delicious apple before you take a bite out of it
What's present do you get for a dead baby?
A dead puppy.
How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
What's worse than a having sex with a dead baby?
Having sex with a dead baby filled with razor blades.
What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
A trashcan lid in a dead baby.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on a beach?
Sandy.
Why did the baby fall off the swing?
Because it had no arms or legs.
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was chained to a bumper
What is pink and red and sits in a corner?
A baby chewing on razor blades.
What is green and sits in a corner?
The same baby, six weeks later.
What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
Twins in an acid bath.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a felt tip marker?
You don't get second looks when you're writing with a felt tip marker!
What is red and creeps up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
What's the difference between a watermelon and a dead baby?
A watermelon floats.
What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ?
Cancer.
How are babies and the elderly alike?
Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.
What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A baby tied to the back of a truck.
What's red and dances all around?
A baby on a barbecue
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
What's the difference between a lamp and a dead baby?
It's really easy to turn on a lamp.
What's small, and shiny, and blue?
A baby with a plastic baggy over its head.
What's small, and red, and full of holes?
A baby on a bed of nails.
What do you call a baby on a stick?
A Kebabie.
What's the difference between a baby and a bagel?
You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.
What do you call a 30week-old preemie?
An Appetizer.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on your porch?
Matt.
How do you prevent a baby from exploding in the microwave?
Poke holes in it with a coat hanger.
What is red and pink and can't turn round in a corridor?
A baby with a javelin through its throat.
Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads?
So you can pick them up five at a time
What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
What wiggles spits and is covered in shit?
An inside out baby!
When is the best time to bury that baby you killed?
When it starts talking to you again.
What's pink and chunky?
A baby with leprosy.
What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A baby in a microwave.
Why is there always hot water at childbirth?
In case of a stillbirth, soup.
What happens when you burn baby's face off?
It makes weird noises and crawls into walls.
What does a bum call a dead baby in a dumpster?
A Freeloader.
What's harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree?
Nailing it to a dead puppy.
How do you get a baby to run faster?
Chase it with the lawn mower.
What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
You don't cry when you chop up a dead baby.
What's more fun than a barrel of dead babies?
Sticking pins in their eyes.
What's blue and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is
around to hear it, is it still hilarious?
What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler
What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape?
The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun
What's sicker than driving over a baby?
Skidding.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.
mmmmmmmm...dead babies....
depends on how thin you slice them
whats worse than a pile of dead babies?
a live baby in the middle, eating it's way out
whats worse than that?
the baby comming back for seconds
what is easier to unload a truckload of dead babies, or a truckload of bowling balls?
dead babies of course you can use a pitchfork
what is red and white and goes whirrrrrrrr: dead baby in a blender
how many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
depends on how hard you throw them
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
it was stapled to the chicken
whats better then swinging a dead baby 80 mph around a pole by its feet?
stopping it with a shovel!
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume!
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.
How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
The dog plays with it more.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it's head.
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.'>...What's brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.
What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
Fucked.
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ?
Nail its other hand to the floor.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?
Bob
What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag.
What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts?
You can't gargle gravel.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender!
How do you get them out again?
With tortilla chips!!!
How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
Two, one to prop up the car and one to replace it incase it explodes.
What's white and red and hangs from a telephone wire?
A baby shot through a snowblower.
Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
So you can see the expression on its face!
What's blue and bloated and floating in your beer?
A dead baby with fetal alcohol syndrome!
What is better than a dead baby?
The revoked child-support.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a peanut butter cup?
The dead baby won't stick to the roof of your mouth.
What's more fun than stapling babies to a wall?
Ripping them off again.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a golden delicious apple?
You don't have to bleed the golden delicious apple before you take a bite out of it
What's present do you get for a dead baby?
A dead puppy.
How many dead babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
What's worse than a having sex with a dead baby?
Having sex with a dead baby filled with razor blades.
What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
A trashcan lid in a dead baby.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on a beach?
Sandy.
Why did the baby fall off the swing?
Because it had no arms or legs.
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was chained to a bumper
What is pink and red and sits in a corner?
A baby chewing on razor blades.
What is green and sits in a corner?
The same baby, six weeks later.
What goes plop, plop, fizz, fizz?
Twins in an acid bath.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a felt tip marker?
You don't get second looks when you're writing with a felt tip marker!
What is red and creeps up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
What's the difference between a watermelon and a dead baby?
A watermelon floats.
What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ?
Cancer.
How are babies and the elderly alike?
Both are fun to throw out of moving cars.
What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A baby tied to the back of a truck.
What's red and dances all around?
A baby on a barbecue
What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.
What's the difference between a lamp and a dead baby?
It's really easy to turn on a lamp.
What's small, and shiny, and blue?
A baby with a plastic baggy over its head.
What's small, and red, and full of holes?
A baby on a bed of nails.
What do you call a baby on a stick?
A Kebabie.
What's the difference between a baby and a bagel?
You can put a bagel in the toaster. You have to put the baby in the oven.
What do you call a 30week-old preemie?
An Appetizer.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs laying on your porch?
Matt.
How do you prevent a baby from exploding in the microwave?
Poke holes in it with a coat hanger.
What is red and pink and can't turn round in a corridor?
A baby with a javelin through its throat.
Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads?
So you can pick them up five at a time
What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
What wiggles spits and is covered in shit?
An inside out baby!
When is the best time to bury that baby you killed?
When it starts talking to you again.
What's pink and chunky?
A baby with leprosy.
What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A baby in a microwave.
Why is there always hot water at childbirth?
In case of a stillbirth, soup.
What happens when you burn baby's face off?
It makes weird noises and crawls into walls.
What does a bum call a dead baby in a dumpster?
A Freeloader.
What's harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree?
Nailing it to a dead puppy.
How do you get a baby to run faster?
Chase it with the lawn mower.
What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
You don't cry when you chop up a dead baby.
What's more fun than a barrel of dead babies?
Sticking pins in their eyes.
What's blue and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
If a tree falls on a baby in the forest, and no one is
around to hear it, is it still hilarious?
What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler
What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape?
The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun
What's sicker than driving over a baby?
Skidding.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.
mmmmmmmm...dead babies....