The Why of Kisses
For solitaryanguish
The Why of Kisses
There are many reasons, Kangin decided one afternoon after having a bit too much time on his hands, that he loves to kiss Leeteuk. So many in fact, that he is not sure he would ever be able to list them all. Every time he tried there would inevitably be more and more added to the list.
One of the many reasons he enjoyed was because of the other man’s reaction. Leeteuk’s mood would determine the entire feeling of the kiss. If he was happy, Kangin would get to see dimples and hear that classic laugh. If he was sad or worried, there would be a quiet sigh followed by the relaxation of tension from the other man’s body. If he was playful there would be much teasing while Kangin fought for what he wanted.
When Leeteuk stormed into his small apartment that afternoon interrupting his thoughts, he was anything but happy, sad, worried, or playful. The other man was downright furious; to a point that Kangin wasn’t sure he had ever seen him reach before.
“What the fuck were you thinking!?” Leeteuk screamed the moment the door closed behind him.
“Teukie calm down I can explain,” he said quickly.
“You,” Leeteuk hissed angrily, “Don’t get a chance to explain. Not anymore. And I am done being calm! I was calm when they told me you got in a fight while intoxicated. I was calm when they told me you would be going to court for that. I was calm when I was told as a leader it was my duty to keep a better eye on you. I was even calm when I heard you now have a DUI. I was calm when I went with your manager to defend you to our company. I was calm when they slapped me with a fine for failing to keep you controlled. I was calm when they told me that they had decided to suspend you and await the legal trial. But now, now that I am here, I am done being calm.”
“Jungsoo,” Kangin said desperately as he rose to his feet. “I didn’t mean to I was just -“
“You were just what,” Leeteuk said bitterly throwing his hands in the air. “You were just upset over one violation so you decided to go out and drink your sorrows away. Did it even occur to you to call one of us?!”
“Yeah but I thought you all had schedules,” he said sheepishly.
“Then call Heechul!” Leeteuk practically screamed. “He knows like 8 billion people I’m sure he could find at least one free soul to pick your sorry ass up.”
“Jungsoo, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry isn’t going to cut it Kangin. You could go to jail for this. The group needs you. Now we are going to have to redo all of our choreography, and change the lineups of several shows. I hate to put extra burden on Eunhyuk but I have to because I can’t be everywhere at once and I need someone to fill the spots. We needed you Kangin. I needed you.”
“Jungsoo, I -“ Kangin stepped forward and reached for the other man.
Leeteuk jerked his arm sharply out of the way. “No! You don’t get to touch me. You don’t get to pretend things are alright between us. I’m not finished being angry.” The older man’s body was shaking faintly and Kangin could tell how close to a mental break he was.
“Jungsoo,” he said softly stepping forward again. “I was stupid, and I’m sorry. I didn’t think at all. I was being stupid and selfish and I don’t even deserve you coming here to talk to me,” as he spoke he walked slowly forward and Leeteuk backed up step for step. When Leeteuk’s back hit the wall he met Kangin’s eyes and refused to look away.
“Thank you Jungsoo,” Kangin said gently as he closed in on the man. “Thank you for giving me what I don’t deserve and you must,” he swallowed back a lump in his throat, “you must be so disappointed in me. And that,” he couldn’t stop the tear the leaked from his eyes, “that is worse than any punishment that the court could give me, to know that you are disappointed in me.”
Leeteuk swallowed thickly, “Youngwoon, if we were anything other than who we are I would still, as your friend be pissed, but this means so much more because of who we are. I,” he fought his own tears as best he could but he was certain at least one escaped. “need you Youngwoon. I don’t like to admit it but you are my strength and I,” Leeteuk choked back a sob as Kangin instinctively pulled him into his arms.
The leader of Super Junior buried his face in the stronger man’s body and let his tears flow. “I am so tired all the time and I hurt all the time. I need you there. I need you to be with me because it is a little better when you are and now you can’t be.”
“You’ll manage Jungsoo. You always do,” Kangin said softly.
“Maybe I don’t want to manage,” Leeteuk said angrily as he pulled away so that they could look at each other. “Maybe I just want to be done with all of this. Maybe I just want to be finished with being a leader. Maybe I just want to be finished with this job.”
“You don’t mean that,” Kangin said softly, confidently.
“Maybe I do,” was the defiant reply.
“Well for tonight you can be done with all of that,” Kangin said as he leaned in.
“I am supposed to be angry and disappointed with you,” Leeteuk defended weakly.
“You can be that later,” he replied before he fit their lips together. At the first touch Leeteuk melted into his arms and his kiss, and all the reasons why Kangin loved kissing him came flooding back. Yet the reason that stood above everything else was the simple fact that the sobbing, quivering mass in his arms had kept them all together and had loved him when no one else would. Leeteuk had loved him enough to yell at him, to show him he was disappointed in him, to lower his guard enough to let Kangin see that he wasn’t a strong and solid leader all the time, to let him see that underneath it all he was simply a man.
Kangin gently lead Leeteuk to his bedroom and began to strip away the burdens and the pain, one piece at a time as if each was a simple layer of clothing. Each space that was made empty he filed with himself, giving Leeteuk all the strength and love he could, filling the man where he was empty. For those moments all of Leeteuk’s responsibilities fell away until he was simply a man, nothing more and nothing less. Then they made love.
-o-o-o-o-o-
Kangin gave Leeteuk’s slumbering form one last look before slipping from the room and grabbing his cell phone. It was a bit risky doing what he was planning to do. He knew any of the members would probably lay into him and give him a relatively good tongue lashing at the moment, but that was something he was willing to face.
He dialed the first number quickly and held the phone up to his ear before he could change his mind. It rang twice before, much to his surprise, it was answered.
“Yesung,” he said quickly before the other man could say a word. “I need to talk to you about taking care of Leeteuk in the next couple of months.” Kangin realized, as Yesung cut loose with his own brand of lashing, that he would be willing to withstand a thousand lashings from any of the members. Strangely enough the reason was the exact same one for why he liked kissing Leeteuk so much: unchangeable, unshakeable, unbreakable love.
AN: So I know you sort of wanted a kinda of event based chronological peice kinda like some of the earlier ones I did. However when I started thinking about your prompt this is what popped in my head and I couldn't not write it. I hope you like it anyway.
The Why of Kisses
There are many reasons, Kangin decided one afternoon after having a bit too much time on his hands, that he loves to kiss Leeteuk. So many in fact, that he is not sure he would ever be able to list them all. Every time he tried there would inevitably be more and more added to the list.
One of the many reasons he enjoyed was because of the other man’s reaction. Leeteuk’s mood would determine the entire feeling of the kiss. If he was happy, Kangin would get to see dimples and hear that classic laugh. If he was sad or worried, there would be a quiet sigh followed by the relaxation of tension from the other man’s body. If he was playful there would be much teasing while Kangin fought for what he wanted.
When Leeteuk stormed into his small apartment that afternoon interrupting his thoughts, he was anything but happy, sad, worried, or playful. The other man was downright furious; to a point that Kangin wasn’t sure he had ever seen him reach before.
“What the fuck were you thinking!?” Leeteuk screamed the moment the door closed behind him.
“Teukie calm down I can explain,” he said quickly.
“You,” Leeteuk hissed angrily, “Don’t get a chance to explain. Not anymore. And I am done being calm! I was calm when they told me you got in a fight while intoxicated. I was calm when they told me you would be going to court for that. I was calm when I was told as a leader it was my duty to keep a better eye on you. I was even calm when I heard you now have a DUI. I was calm when I went with your manager to defend you to our company. I was calm when they slapped me with a fine for failing to keep you controlled. I was calm when they told me that they had decided to suspend you and await the legal trial. But now, now that I am here, I am done being calm.”
“Jungsoo,” Kangin said desperately as he rose to his feet. “I didn’t mean to I was just -“
“You were just what,” Leeteuk said bitterly throwing his hands in the air. “You were just upset over one violation so you decided to go out and drink your sorrows away. Did it even occur to you to call one of us?!”
“Yeah but I thought you all had schedules,” he said sheepishly.
“Then call Heechul!” Leeteuk practically screamed. “He knows like 8 billion people I’m sure he could find at least one free soul to pick your sorry ass up.”
“Jungsoo, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry isn’t going to cut it Kangin. You could go to jail for this. The group needs you. Now we are going to have to redo all of our choreography, and change the lineups of several shows. I hate to put extra burden on Eunhyuk but I have to because I can’t be everywhere at once and I need someone to fill the spots. We needed you Kangin. I needed you.”
“Jungsoo, I -“ Kangin stepped forward and reached for the other man.
Leeteuk jerked his arm sharply out of the way. “No! You don’t get to touch me. You don’t get to pretend things are alright between us. I’m not finished being angry.” The older man’s body was shaking faintly and Kangin could tell how close to a mental break he was.
“Jungsoo,” he said softly stepping forward again. “I was stupid, and I’m sorry. I didn’t think at all. I was being stupid and selfish and I don’t even deserve you coming here to talk to me,” as he spoke he walked slowly forward and Leeteuk backed up step for step. When Leeteuk’s back hit the wall he met Kangin’s eyes and refused to look away.
“Thank you Jungsoo,” Kangin said gently as he closed in on the man. “Thank you for giving me what I don’t deserve and you must,” he swallowed back a lump in his throat, “you must be so disappointed in me. And that,” he couldn’t stop the tear the leaked from his eyes, “that is worse than any punishment that the court could give me, to know that you are disappointed in me.”
Leeteuk swallowed thickly, “Youngwoon, if we were anything other than who we are I would still, as your friend be pissed, but this means so much more because of who we are. I,” he fought his own tears as best he could but he was certain at least one escaped. “need you Youngwoon. I don’t like to admit it but you are my strength and I,” Leeteuk choked back a sob as Kangin instinctively pulled him into his arms.
The leader of Super Junior buried his face in the stronger man’s body and let his tears flow. “I am so tired all the time and I hurt all the time. I need you there. I need you to be with me because it is a little better when you are and now you can’t be.”
“You’ll manage Jungsoo. You always do,” Kangin said softly.
“Maybe I don’t want to manage,” Leeteuk said angrily as he pulled away so that they could look at each other. “Maybe I just want to be done with all of this. Maybe I just want to be finished with being a leader. Maybe I just want to be finished with this job.”
“You don’t mean that,” Kangin said softly, confidently.
“Maybe I do,” was the defiant reply.
“Well for tonight you can be done with all of that,” Kangin said as he leaned in.
“I am supposed to be angry and disappointed with you,” Leeteuk defended weakly.
“You can be that later,” he replied before he fit their lips together. At the first touch Leeteuk melted into his arms and his kiss, and all the reasons why Kangin loved kissing him came flooding back. Yet the reason that stood above everything else was the simple fact that the sobbing, quivering mass in his arms had kept them all together and had loved him when no one else would. Leeteuk had loved him enough to yell at him, to show him he was disappointed in him, to lower his guard enough to let Kangin see that he wasn’t a strong and solid leader all the time, to let him see that underneath it all he was simply a man.
Kangin gently lead Leeteuk to his bedroom and began to strip away the burdens and the pain, one piece at a time as if each was a simple layer of clothing. Each space that was made empty he filed with himself, giving Leeteuk all the strength and love he could, filling the man where he was empty. For those moments all of Leeteuk’s responsibilities fell away until he was simply a man, nothing more and nothing less. Then they made love.
-o-o-o-o-o-
Kangin gave Leeteuk’s slumbering form one last look before slipping from the room and grabbing his cell phone. It was a bit risky doing what he was planning to do. He knew any of the members would probably lay into him and give him a relatively good tongue lashing at the moment, but that was something he was willing to face.
He dialed the first number quickly and held the phone up to his ear before he could change his mind. It rang twice before, much to his surprise, it was answered.
“Yesung,” he said quickly before the other man could say a word. “I need to talk to you about taking care of Leeteuk in the next couple of months.” Kangin realized, as Yesung cut loose with his own brand of lashing, that he would be willing to withstand a thousand lashings from any of the members. Strangely enough the reason was the exact same one for why he liked kissing Leeteuk so much: unchangeable, unshakeable, unbreakable love.
AN: So I know you sort of wanted a kinda of event based chronological peice kinda like some of the earlier ones I did. However when I started thinking about your prompt this is what popped in my head and I couldn't not write it. I hope you like it anyway.