I'm clickin' my heals. Why am I still here?
Today is my last day at work...hopefully forever. I don't have to be there until 10:30 so I'm filling up my free time with LJ. You can't show up for your last day too eagerly.
Meanwhile, I felt obligated to write a note back to Chris, especially when he came in yesterday and was as awkward around me as ever. I wrote it last night. It's 2 pages of stationary with my most legible cursive scrawl. Thing is, I had very little to say. It was supposed to be a "I forgive you, the past is the past" kind of thing. But as it was flowing out, I realized I didn't really care anymore. His power thread has been cut. And, I feel last year didn't happen. It's weird, like I can't really even remember being with him. I had other things going on at the time that got equal focus and memories of him have faded away from neglect. This is what it must be like to get old. You lose memories of relationships and all that left is a vague understanding that at one time this person meant something to you. Now even seeing him doesn't strike a chord. Now he's like a knat flying around, trying the patience of all of us, just surface annoyance.
On another note, I'm so ready to be back at school. I don't feel like I belong at home anymore. It's an awkward temporary place. Flagler feels more stable, more loving. Needless to say, I've been entirely packed for almost three days. I leave tomorrow around noon. Now all I have to do is get through the next few working hours and avoid Evan at all costs until I can get back "safely" to school.
:)
Meanwhile, I felt obligated to write a note back to Chris, especially when he came in yesterday and was as awkward around me as ever. I wrote it last night. It's 2 pages of stationary with my most legible cursive scrawl. Thing is, I had very little to say. It was supposed to be a "I forgive you, the past is the past" kind of thing. But as it was flowing out, I realized I didn't really care anymore. His power thread has been cut. And, I feel last year didn't happen. It's weird, like I can't really even remember being with him. I had other things going on at the time that got equal focus and memories of him have faded away from neglect. This is what it must be like to get old. You lose memories of relationships and all that left is a vague understanding that at one time this person meant something to you. Now even seeing him doesn't strike a chord. Now he's like a knat flying around, trying the patience of all of us, just surface annoyance.
On another note, I'm so ready to be back at school. I don't feel like I belong at home anymore. It's an awkward temporary place. Flagler feels more stable, more loving. Needless to say, I've been entirely packed for almost three days. I leave tomorrow around noon. Now all I have to do is get through the next few working hours and avoid Evan at all costs until I can get back "safely" to school.
:)