Weight and Weddings
My long absence from Livejournal means several things:
1. I'm happy. It sucks that lj became such a crutch when I was unhappy and that that's all I chose to write about by the end (it began quite differently), but it very much doesn't suck that I'm happy.
2. I'm busy. Always true when I'm teaching, but more so since I've recently switched schools. I'm super-drowning in work.
3. There's some sort of guilt over not writing poetry right now. I'm becoming more at peace with this, however, and I'm trying to remember that you all would be my friends even if I never wrote another word of poetry again.
4. It's a ghost town up in here. Everybody left. I'm pretty much just talking to myself right now. But, let's just pretend that's not the case and continue this like all those I know and love are here and want an update on my life.
~Marriage/Relationships~
Since this is where I go to vent, and since things used to be VERY BAD between Chris and me, I'm not sure how many of you will be as ecstatic for me as you should be, but I'm getting married! I'm more than happy about this (was not last time, really). We've been together for more than 7 years and straight up happy for the last several (we went through one of the roughest patches a relationship can go through). Yay! to therapy! Yay! to love that just won't quit, despite the odds.
One regret I have is being too honest here. I can't take back anything I said (it was my truth at the time), but because of it, and because so many people are protective of me (and I'm happy they are!), they don't know him like they could. Or, they only know the side of him that existed during our darkest times. Maybe you all will see how happy I am and, eventually, recognize the change in our relationship. I would not be so foolhardy to say all of this if it wasn't for the fact that we've been happy and healthy for YEARS now. This is no surge of energy from a dying relationship.
We're going to get married near Cancun, I think. We found the perfect mansion to rent, but we have to wait until tax returns to put down the deposit. My little heart is so set on it, so I hope it can happen. The actual wedding date will depend on the place after the deposit, but we're thinking early next December. I'm going to have my daughters walk me down the aisle. It makes sense, since they are truly the ones who will be giving me away (sort of--I'm not kicking them out of the house anytime soon).
~Exercise/Body~
For my sister's wedding (in Hawaii), in which I was a bridesmaid, I decided I needed to get serious about losing weight. As most of you know, I'm a yo-yo in my spare time. I vascilate 20 lbs (easy) within a year. I tend to lose weight in the summer, and gain it all back once I start back to work and cannot manage to stay on any sort of workout routine. Not to mention, I am always surviving on a significant sleep deficit. The sleep deficit always demands Taco Bell. No good.
So, I lost enough weight for my sister's wedding, by doing Just Dance on the Wii several times a week, a little Zumba, and a diet plan (I researched) in which you only eat every other day. I know what you're thinking; it goes against everything I've been taught as well. But the research showed positive results, and the theory behind it (that cavemen could not catch a bison every day, so it was often alternating feast and famine) made some sort of sense to me.
While in Hawaii, I, of course, stopped working out and allowed myself to eat every day, but somehow I came out of it losing weight. And, since the summer wasn't yet over, I kept up with my exercise routine.
Enter, the 5k:
My stupid sister and my stupid cousin (who are about my best friends in the whole world right now) signed up for and encouraged me to sign up for an 80's-themed 5k in SF in November. They convinced me to agree to it, but when I tried to run, DISASTER! I've NEVER been much of a runner. I got a doctor's note to get out of PE in junior high. I stepped up on that treadmill and found that I could only run for 1/2 a mile before I had to stop. HAD to stop. My stupid lungs and my stupid asthma made it impossible. I wasn't even very out of shape, since I'd been dancing so much for my workout.
But. I'm competitive. So, I looked up and did a program called couch to 5k and jumped in on week 3 or 4. It still kicked my butt, but with it's slow increments of increasing your running to walking ratio, I found my lungs were actually able, mostly, to handle it. It was HARD, don't get me wrong. And, I still can't say I like running, but I did my first 5k this past weekend, and I didn't die. Almost, but not quite. (It helped that we were in awesome 80's outfits.)
Meanwhile, my body has been changing. I weighed myself this morning; I'm less than I ever remember being past 7th grade. I wear pants I couldn't fit in 8th grade. I've had to buy new clothes; nothing fits right anymore (which is a tragedy if you know some of the cute clothes I used to have). All of this is positive. I'm very proud of myself. I've never kept up with working out during the school year before, and here it is, end of November, and I haven't given up. I'm slightly obsessed about it, but I think in a healthy way. I wonder what I'll look like if I keep losing. I don't plan on getting a whole lot smaller, but then I didn't plan on getting this small.
Plus, I'm getting married on a beach in a year. I've got to look swimsuit ready.
(One of the first things I said to Chris after he asked me to marry him: "Does this mean I have to stay skinny for a whole 'nother year?!")