Weather Sucks; Should Not Have Worn Flip-Flops (written yesterday)
For realsies though. I wonder how many of you know me well enough to know my shoe (or lack thereof) predilection. Despite the cute shoes you see me in when I go out, I prefer no shoes at all. Yes, it makes my feet dirty. But I like to feel the world through my toes.
Perhaps that is why I always wear flip-flops in the rain. Sometimes these mesh/sequin non-shoes. I like to get away with the least on my feet as professionally possible (what? flip-flops aren't professional?). Sometimes it rains. Which means, sometimes my toes are water-logged and wrinkly. I'm okay with that.
Today, though, my toes are cold. I'm wearing a winter jacket and the heat (read: pretends to be heat, but is really just a big fan of cold) is on in my classroom. And it just feels like one more thing stacked on top of a million more things.
1. I have NO money. That's a lie. I have negative 100 and something in my account. I've already gotten an advance on my paycheck through my bank; without that, I'd be more like negative 600 and something. Blame a 500 and something power bill (lights got turned off, couldn't put it off). Blame 500 for team registration. Blame my daughter's birthday/party last month. Blame the economy.
Can we still blame Bush?
2. I have to drive to Modesto tomorrow. Again. For court. Again. The ex is still trying to get me put in jail. Oh! And I have to try to find enough money to have enough gas to get me to and from Modesto. Then to work again. This may take a miracle.
I have a lawyer now. My father lent me some money, so we'll see how it goes with someone on my side.
3. I had an end-of-year slam dinner to attend tonight with my slam club (from school). I just had to cancel it, because I can't afford it. It will be reimbursed from the money we made from the slam earlier this year, but I can't cover it. How lame. We'll reschedule, but I feel like a loser.
4. Finals for the San Jose Poetry Slam is on Friday. I've got nothing. Oh, I'm going out for the team (mostly because I'd been told by other finalists that they weren't going to go out for the team unless I did), but I'm kinda phoning it in. No new-new poems. Just one from earlier this year. Otherwise, old work. And I'm not practicing much. Which means I DO NOT deserve to make the team. But I've never not made a team. I'm not sure how I'll handle it emotionally.
5-A Million. I just can't get into all this now. Suffice it to say: Suckage.
Oh lord, how I'm looking forward to the weekend. All the preceding sucks. But, oddly, I'm not in a deep, dark place about it, like I would normally be. It's a struggle. It's unpleasant. But I'll live.
Maybe I should change my shoes.