WOWPS--Dear So-in-So,
Dear American Airlines,
Can’t you control the weather any better than this? Airports are cool and all, and the Dallas airport has several places to eat that make me float like Peppy Le Peu, but I’d rather just be there already.
Dear Random Huge Metal Statue in Front of the D Gate,
Why?
Dear Stomach,
Okay. I get it. You’re not a fan of the all oranges diet. You want more. You’re about to steal the nuts from the old lady in front of you. Fine. How would you like a half of a chicken pesto sandwich?
Dear Chicken from My Half a Chicken Pesto Sandwich,
You’re kinda dry. I think you must have been an ugly scraggly chicken when you were alive. With like four feathers placed randomly on your frail body. You dreamed of breast implants.
Dear Other Half of My Chicken Pesto Sandwich,
I guess you can’t be that bad. You are proof that I am no good at being a skinny bitch.
Dear Make-Up,
Meet face. Snuggle up a bit. Pretend you’re the same person.
Dear “Warning: Extreme Weather” with a Tornado Symbol in Front of the Women’s Restroom,
Really?
Dear Preponderance of Tall White Bald Men,
Is there a convention?
Dear Friends Who Have Texted Me,
Thank you. You remind me I have friends when airports make me feel anonymous.
Dear Anonymity,
Continue.
Can’t you control the weather any better than this? Airports are cool and all, and the Dallas airport has several places to eat that make me float like Peppy Le Peu, but I’d rather just be there already.
Dear Random Huge Metal Statue in Front of the D Gate,
Why?
Dear Stomach,
Okay. I get it. You’re not a fan of the all oranges diet. You want more. You’re about to steal the nuts from the old lady in front of you. Fine. How would you like a half of a chicken pesto sandwich?
Dear Chicken from My Half a Chicken Pesto Sandwich,
You’re kinda dry. I think you must have been an ugly scraggly chicken when you were alive. With like four feathers placed randomly on your frail body. You dreamed of breast implants.
Dear Other Half of My Chicken Pesto Sandwich,
I guess you can’t be that bad. You are proof that I am no good at being a skinny bitch.
Dear Make-Up,
Meet face. Snuggle up a bit. Pretend you’re the same person.
Dear “Warning: Extreme Weather” with a Tornado Symbol in Front of the Women’s Restroom,
Really?
Dear Preponderance of Tall White Bald Men,
Is there a convention?
Dear Friends Who Have Texted Me,
Thank you. You remind me I have friends when airports make me feel anonymous.
Dear Anonymity,
Continue.