Damn social networks/Emotional response
I remember when Facebook used to be a reliable tool for venting your frustrations into the ether that is the internet. Just posting a quick blurb about how you were pissed off or sad was easily done. I now find myself censoring my feelings and keeping things inside because of the people who I have as "friends" on that social network. I hate that I can no longer use it like that. Too many work colleagues see what I post. Too many people that I don't really want commenting or reading these kinds of posts. At least on livejournal, I have been able to keep a low profile, even with my username being what it is.
So now for the substantiative part of this posting that spurred me to write the above about Facebook. If I had posted something on fb it would have been this: "I hate when silly arguments turn into deadly silences." The situation was stupid, but neither of us wanted to capitulate. And when I thought a compromise had been reached, it turns out that I was wrong and we were both pissed off, one hurt physically and the other emotionally. If I could have re-wound the whole thing I think I wouldn't have pushed the argument, but then I change my mind and I do think that a little bit of extra effort on his part would have been endearing and sweet. And if you don't really understand the issue, I'm fine with that bit of vagueness. I specifically wrote it to be vague.
One minute I think I'm in the l-word and the next I think it'll never work because he doesn't think I'm worth that extra bit of effort. This is the seesaw that I am struggling with. I feel like I'm turning harder and harder to please with more and more experience. I'm certainly not able to fall in love with someone as easily as I was when I was younger. I miss the certainty of feeling that youthful self of mine had. It made things so much easier.
And now here I am writing to you about it LJ friends, instead of talking to him about it, which would be the adult thing to do. I'm still pissed though and I'm not really certain if it's worth the bother (or if he thinks it's worth the bother).
P.S. Facebook is so frakking pretentious since the spell check says it needs to be capitalized or it's counted as incorrect. Stupid facebook. Hah! There, you bastards.
So now for the substantiative part of this posting that spurred me to write the above about Facebook. If I had posted something on fb it would have been this: "I hate when silly arguments turn into deadly silences." The situation was stupid, but neither of us wanted to capitulate. And when I thought a compromise had been reached, it turns out that I was wrong and we were both pissed off, one hurt physically and the other emotionally. If I could have re-wound the whole thing I think I wouldn't have pushed the argument, but then I change my mind and I do think that a little bit of extra effort on his part would have been endearing and sweet. And if you don't really understand the issue, I'm fine with that bit of vagueness. I specifically wrote it to be vague.
One minute I think I'm in the l-word and the next I think it'll never work because he doesn't think I'm worth that extra bit of effort. This is the seesaw that I am struggling with. I feel like I'm turning harder and harder to please with more and more experience. I'm certainly not able to fall in love with someone as easily as I was when I was younger. I miss the certainty of feeling that youthful self of mine had. It made things so much easier.
And now here I am writing to you about it LJ friends, instead of talking to him about it, which would be the adult thing to do. I'm still pissed though and I'm not really certain if it's worth the bother (or if he thinks it's worth the bother).
P.S. Facebook is so frakking pretentious since the spell check says it needs to be capitalized or it's counted as incorrect. Stupid facebook. Hah! There, you bastards.