(no subject)
I feel so incredibly used and hurt, it's unbelieveable.
god, please just take the pain away... please?
if anything, this i have learned about life:
it hurts. rarely does that pain ever cease to be. when it does, it is only temporary, and to believe otherwise is foolish.
if you learn how to cope, it makes it easier.
it doesn't lessen the pain, but you become accustomed to it, making it more tolerable.
so i've learned to cope. i know that my coping mechanisms aren't exactly healthy, but they get the job done. i know i sleep too much, don't eat nearly enough, and do things to myself that are futile and that don't help, but they help inside my head.
when i sleep, i don't feel. i'm living in a dreamworld inside my head.
when i don't eat, it maks the void i've always felt in life a physical one, rather than an emotional one, and physical pain is far easier to deal with than emotional. it just happens to be an added bonus that people tell me how skinny i look, and that feeds my ego. i feel pretty.
ad the other things, agan, physical pain distracts from emotional pain, and offers release from my emotional tensions.
this is how i live.
... i'm becoming a shell of a person.
something used for kicks and tossed aside.
i should be used to it now. except that this time, i wasn't in control. maybe that's why it hurts.
god, please just take the pain away... please?
if anything, this i have learned about life:
it hurts. rarely does that pain ever cease to be. when it does, it is only temporary, and to believe otherwise is foolish.
if you learn how to cope, it makes it easier.
it doesn't lessen the pain, but you become accustomed to it, making it more tolerable.
so i've learned to cope. i know that my coping mechanisms aren't exactly healthy, but they get the job done. i know i sleep too much, don't eat nearly enough, and do things to myself that are futile and that don't help, but they help inside my head.
when i sleep, i don't feel. i'm living in a dreamworld inside my head.
when i don't eat, it maks the void i've always felt in life a physical one, rather than an emotional one, and physical pain is far easier to deal with than emotional. it just happens to be an added bonus that people tell me how skinny i look, and that feeds my ego. i feel pretty.
ad the other things, agan, physical pain distracts from emotional pain, and offers release from my emotional tensions.
this is how i live.
... i'm becoming a shell of a person.
something used for kicks and tossed aside.
i should be used to it now. except that this time, i wasn't in control. maybe that's why it hurts.