CM fic: For fear of falling - part 6
Part Six - JJ
She looks at you and tears are falling from her dark lashes again.
You want to reach out to her, to brush them away, but the expression in her dark eyes keeps your hands in place.
You should have expected it, but the fear you can read in her dark eyes, hear in her tone, sends a sharp jolt of pain through you.
She’s scared of you.
Scared of how much you could hurt her yet again. And still, there’s just this spark of hope settling behind her eyes. Tiny and weak, but it’s there. And it’s the glimpse of this sparkle that makes you smile as you take her hand in yours and lift your other hand to brush the tears away from her cheeks.
‘’I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life, Emily. I love you, and only you. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, I don’t deserve anything from you, except a kick in the ass, maybe. But if you could just give me the chance to try and show you just how much I love you... Because I really do. With everything that I am.’’
You desperately need her to believe you, to see that you’re being honest now.
You think you can live with the fact that maybe, she’ll never forgive you, that she’ll throw you out the very next second. It’s your own fault, really. But you can’t stand the thought that she throws you out, thinking you never loved her.
Because you love her. Just too much for you to cope with.
You tell her why exactly you ran and she’s crying even harder. Finally you stop and it takes you a moment to realize that you’re crying as well.
You’ve said everything you had to say. You’ve laid yourself bare before her and now it’s up to her to decide what to do.
*****