More booze, more fags, more sex - New Year Resolutions
Title: More booze, more fags, more sex.
Pairing: Spike, Angel, Lindsey
Rating: PG
Summary: Spike’s, Angel’s and Lindsey’s New Year Resolutions
Warnings: disputable English since I'm not a native speaker and beta-less
Disclaimer: I put down a deposit but they’re not mine. Yet.
Spike’s New Year Resolutions
1. More booze, more fags, more sex. (And with fags I mean cigarettes, not brooding emo teenage-girls trapped in the bodies of poofy vamp beefcakes.)
2. To work on my poetry. Publish the worst. Pseudonym: Angel. Huh!
3. To work on my poetry. Send Angel the best romantic bits. Pseudonym: Lindsey McDonald. Watch Texas and Angel die from embarrassment.
4. To revolutionize youporn dot com. You ain’t seen nothing yet, baby!
5. To write a virtual New Year card to the Slayer to tell her I’m undead again. Copy Angel in. Watch the show.
6. To continue to be my bloody awesome, incredibly sexy self.
7. To find love. Like. Real love. Blood and passion and soddin’ forever, not just shagging (though with a lot of shaggin’!).
8. To tell Angel.
8. Stop buggering Wesley. ’s not even good. And embarrassing. Send Angels pictures anyway.
9. To use the time to find some new New Year Resolutions for next year. Two more turns of the year and ‘more sex’ and my poor dick’ll fall off like a overrife, squashy banana.
10. To eat Stephenie Meyer (after having Wesley invent a time machine and travelling back to the time before the bitch could make us sparkle and the poof went all glam rock and fairy dust)
Lindsey’s New Year Resolutions
1. Get rid of my conscience.
1. Get a conscience in the first place.
1. Find out if I have a conscience and fix the slack joint if it turns out I actually have one and it’s not just a malignant brain tumor or shit.
2. No more vamps. Not on my pay cheque, not in my revenge fantasies or my bed. They’re just too high maintenance.
3. Maybe make an exception for Spike. He begs so nicely. Tell him I- It. This thing about me feeling- And him and- Fuck.
4. Cut off my hand, my tongue and whatever I need to myself if I’ll ever seriously consider to do that shit.
5. To call my momma. Tell her I love her. Tell her I understand.
6. To maybe record that one special song for Spike. (Remember to replace “Angel“ by “Spike“ first.)
7. To find a girl and settle down. Yeah, screw that.
8. To contract out of the agreement with W & H to get my soul back. Suppose I’ll need something else to trade with than some butts and free access to my ass down in the pit.
9. To go down in glory. Make my death forget my life.
10. Before that happens, kick Angel’s ass so hard the fucker tastes leather.
Angel’s New Year Resolutions
1. Less Otter.
2. Less Spike.
2. No Spike at all.
2. Spike only when he’s bound and gagged. And naked.
3. No karaoke anymore. Nobody cherishes it.
4. To find new friends who cherish my singing. And don’t call me fat. Or broody. I’m not fat.
5. To save the world.
6. To become human.
7. To find love.
8. To tell Spike.
8. To fire Harmony. For good.
9. To keep away from puppets.
10. To never ever watch Twilight again. Unlife’s just not like that.
Oh what the hell!
10. To sparkle! Huh!